


Illusion of Desire

by Morgan_Black



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Complicated Relationships, Depression, Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Heartache, M/M, Mental Health Issues, More characters to come, Multi, Other, SO GAY, Strong Bonds, Toshiya makes an appearance, mention of emotional abuse, more tags to come as story progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-10-30 14:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 75,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgan_Black/pseuds/Morgan_Black
Summary: Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiki_joo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiki_joo/gifts).



> Soooo it's been forever since I last wrote something and here it is!  
> I hope you'll like this, because I'm having a lot of fun writing it!  
> Also, apologies for the terrible summary.  
> Note: Italics for text messages/group chat in the fic :)

Yutaka was a regular man with regular interests.

He would go to work to his white-collar job which, of course, was supposed to be just 9-5, but he always ended up staying late into the evening. He would spend his Friday nights with his coworkers at an izakaya, blowing off some steam, sometimes joined by their chief, after which he'd meet up with his friends and continue his night of drinking. Weekends consisted mainly of him nursing his hangovers and maybe even hitting the gym. His life had become a routine and despite him not minding it much, deep down he wished he could do other things with his life.

However, there was this one activity he enjoyed doing: since his dating life was pretty much nonexistent, he turned to something else to help him out in times of need. In his exploration of himself, his body and his sexuality, he came across a certain actor, a dominator by the stage name Uruha. It didn’t take him long to be _very_ attracted to the man, to the point where he started watching more and more of his movies. But the actor wasn’t just a regular actor, no. He was, in fact, and adult video performer who made appearances in mainstream movies as exactly what he was: a sensual, charismatic, _gorgeous_ dominator. Yutaka was so infatuated with him that he even went out of his way and drove to another city to buy his DVDs, as many as he could, as he didn’t want to be seen by people he might know.

There was just something about the man that attracted Yutaka: maybe it was his tall, lean body, or maybe his gorgeous features, with his strong jawline and piercing gaze, or maybe his full lips that were always covered in black or blood-red lipstick. The make up he wore completed his sex god look, and the white contacts made him look fierce and even slightly terrifying. It was more than once that Yutaka imagined the man using his flogger on him or make him beg—thoughts that surprised Yutaka to no end, as he was certainly not the submissive type. Though he’d consider it only if Uruha was the one to do all those sorts of things to him.

His friends didn’t know about his slight obsession with the man and he wanted to keep it that way. He knew they’d most likely start teasing him about it and he knew he wouldn’t appreciate it, although one time they were over, they almost found out as Yutaka didn’t do a very good job at hiding his DVDs after using one or two the night before.

By far, Yutaka’s favourite looks were the ones where he was either clad in leather or wore that sexy and tight black military style suit, or the gorgeous red and black loose kimono he wore one time. Despite how he felt, he was also aware that to him Uruha was just a beautiful dream that would never come true, but was still nice to dream.

However, one day, he found a black piece of paper with golden writing on it inside the DVD he bought that was apparently a special edition disc. On it there was a date, a location and a signature, but separately he found another piece of paper that had the following written on it:

 

“ _Congratulations! You are one of the few chosen to meet Uruha-sama in person. There will be a meet and greet and a Q &A session where he will answer any and every question. For any questions, please reach us at any of the contact information listed on the back. Please follow the instructions attached on how to register.”_

To say that Yutaka was surprised was an understatement. His jaw dropped as he read it all and stared at the ticket. He pinched himself to see if he was dreaming or not—nope, it was certainly all real. He then checked the date again and almost panicked as it was about a week until the event took place, which meant he had to bail on his weekly outing with his friends and knew they were going to ask him why he wasn’t going. But he figured he could somehow trick them and go to the event. Suddenly, he started grinning as it hit him that he was going to see Uruha in the flesh and have all his questions answered: how much taller than him was he? How did he smell? Were his hands cold or warm? Was he as gorgeous and slightly intimidating as he was in his movies? Yutaka couldn’t wait to find out.

But until that happened, he had to get ready and go out to meet up with his gang. So, he put the ticket back into the DVD case and placed the DVD in a safe spot where no one could easily find it, then made his way into his bedroom to change out of his suit. As he was unbuttoning his shirt, he heard his phone ding as he received a message, picking it up to check and see who it was from.

_Yuu: “Oi loser, we’re all going to Uncle Joji’s tonight. Masamune’s under renos. Nori and Kira are okay with it too.” Yutaka shook his head, amused at his friend Yuu’s antics. He could be so rude sometimes, but he never took it to heart._

_Me: “Yeah, whatever. I’ll see you losers there at nine. I have some stuff to deal with before then.”_

_Yuu: “What, gonna wank again before you meet us? Gross, bro.”_ He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his response. Yuu was indeed rude, but he was a good guy under all those layers of sarcasm and ego.

 _Me: “Just remember, it’s guys’ night tonight, no ‘special’ ladies. Jerk.”_ Of course, Yutaka had to have the last word, or at least tried to. When his friend didn’t respond, he figured he most likely got busy, otherwise he would have continued their usual banter.

But now wasn’t the time for him to waste. He had to get out of his work clothes and change into his casual ones, which most of the time consisted of black jeans, a black band shirt and his leather jacket. But since it was still cold outside, he wore a thin, but very warm hoodie underneath. The last thing he wanted was to catch a cold; he couldn’t afford to miss work. He still had time until he had to meet his friends, so he decided to go and grab some food from the convenience store in case he got hungry after drinking. Truth be told, Yutaka loved food and loved eating, and he could eat an eight-course meal if he had the chance to. His friends kept teasing him about it, but it didn’t bother him at all. Food was far more important than caring about his friends’ comments regarding it.

“Wait. They said Uncle Joji’s?” He stopped in his tracks and asked himself that once he was back home from his grocery trip. “Shit.” He looked over at his phone which read 8:30pm. “I’m going to be late and they’re going to kill me.” He said simply to himself and hung his head with a sigh before grabbing his wallet, keys and phone and leaving the house. Instead of driving there, he was going to take public transportation, knowing he’d probably get home drunk, if he got home at all. He was keeping his promise to himself of no drinking and driving. Yutaka had a habit of staying over at one of his friends’ houses, with a preference for Yuu’s place, since he knew him the longest.

There were two places they mainly went to hang out: Uncle Joji’s and Masamune. But since the latter was undergoing renovations, they had to go to their other favourite place. The difference between the two bars was that Masamune was newer and had a wider variety of drinks, but Uncle Joji’s was more welcoming and was a smaller place. Masamune had a mode modern feel as well, while the other one was more of a traditional izakaya. However, Uncle Joji’s was around for longer and it was the place where they first started hanging out together, back in their university days, when they were all trying to figure out what they really wanted to do with their lives after graduation. Yutaka and Yuu were both in the Finance program and the former ended up becoming a financial analyst, while the latter went on to become an accountant and auditor for small businesses, both currently working within the same big company. Their other two friends, Akira and Takanori, they met them at Uncle Joji’s one time when the place was full and the only way to get a table was to share it with someone else. At that time, Akira was majoring in IT and web design, while Takanori was in the Illustration program, and once they realized they were attending the same university, it made it easier for them to become friends.

But what was it that brought them together besides how they met? Well, music. On that fateful night, they started talking about music and realized they all had the same music tastes and even loved the same band. They became friends almost instantly after that and hung out more and more, both at university and outside of it, spending quite a lot of their time at Uncle Joji’s. It was a memory that Yutaka was very fond of and as he remembered it again on his way to the bar, he smiled to himself. Just over ten years had passed since they knew each other and he couldn’t believe how time went by.

Yutaka knew he was going to be late and he was right, so once he arrived at the bar he looked around until he spotted his friends, but stopped by the bar first to order some drinks for the three – it was a thing they started doing a few years prior, where the one who arrived last had to buy a round of drinks for all – and to chat for a bit with the bar master. Uncle Joji, as people called him, was a kind and gentle man, but had the strength of a bear. He was always good to Yutaka and his gang and even helped them out one time when they got kicked out of the apartment he shared with Yuu several years back. Yutaka could not be more thankful to him and helped him out as much as he could, even bar-tending every now and then when the older man couldn’t. Yutaka came to love that place and it somehow felt like home to him whenever he was there.

On his way to the table he saw another man sitting next to Takanori, who seemed taller than all of them and had light brown hair with highlights in it, someone he didn’t recognize. He frowned slightly and squinted as he tried to figure out who it was, but the man’s back was facing him, so he had to wait until he reached his friends. He stopped in his tracks and turned around, walking back to the bar. It would’ve been rude of him to show up with beers for everyone except for the unknown man. Even if Yutaka didn’t know him, he was going to buy him a beer.

It took him just a few minutes longer to go to the bar and then finally make his way over to where his gang was sitting.

“What’s up, losers? Brought beer for everyone.” He announced as he wiggled his way between Takanori and Akira, whose backs were facing him, and placed the bottles on the table. They all cheered and grabbed a bottle and before Yutaka could take his spot next to Yuu, across from the other three men, Takanori stopped him, tugging his sleeve, so he could introduce the newcomer.

“Kou-kun, I’d like you to meet Yuta, he’s our other friend. Yuta, this is my new... friend. I brought him with me today to meet you guys.” The short man smiled lightly from under his brown locks up at Yutaka.

“Hello, I’m Takashima Kouyou. But you can call me Shima since you’re friends with Nori.” The stranger now known as Kouyou bowed his head slightly, put in a polite manner, his words and all around demeanour cheerful. But then he looked back up at Yutaka and the latter noticed how handsome he was with his light brown hair, sporting a pair of black rimmed square glasses on his nose and dressed simply in a burgundy shirt and jeans. As he quietly studied him before responding, Yutaka noticed a few tattoos peeking out from different parts of his shirt.

“Nice to meet you, Takashima-san! I’m Uke Yutaka.” He smiled at the man and bowed, then grabbed his beer and went around the table to sit next to Yuu and across from the other three.

“He’s our so-called leader and the mother of the pack.” Akira chuckled as he announced, always enjoying himself teasing and embarrassing his friend.

“Suzuki, I’ll kill you.” Yutaka chuckled and rolled his eyes at his friend, then smacked him lightly over the back of his head before sitting down across from him, next to Yuu. He didn’t mind it when they teased him like that, more than happy to see his friends smile. Okay, maybe he _was_ the mother of the pack, so what? He felt he had to take responsibility for the stupidity they showed at times, since they never really seemed to bother.

“You keep saying that, but you never do, Yuta-chan.” Yuu grinned at him from behind his beer bottle just as he was about to take a gulp. But with an evil smirk, Yutaka pushed his bottle up gently, just enough though to have beer shooting up Yuu’s nose as he tried to drink, which only made him cough and smack Yutaka’s hand away. At his reaction, everyone laughed and the leader smacked his raven-haired friend over his back to help him stop choking.

“You’re so savage, Uke-san.” The comment came from their new addition, Kouyou, who couldn’t help laughing softly at their antics, probably trying not to be rude and laugh harder, like Akira was doing. Yutaka just grinned at him and settled in his spot.

“It’s what he gets for being a smartass.” He chuckled and turned away from Yuu to take a drink, knowing he’d try to do the same.

They soon started chatting about various things, but as the discussion became more heated, Yutaka fell silent for a few minutes as he just listened in on the conversation the other four were having. But as he watched all of them, he started to take notice of Kouyou’s features, the shape of his jaw which gave him a manly appearance, but also the soft look on his face as he spoke and laughed and _those lips_. Lips, which reminded him of Uruha and his perfect black pout. He had to shake his head to stop thinking about it, but the more he watched him – not like a creep, of course – the more he thought he looked like Uruha. He dazed off thinking about how he’d react if he really was Uruha – he’d probably be nervous, ecstatic and disappointed all at the same time. Why? Well, he’d be super happy to be so close to him, but if he were to date one of his friends, he’d be disappointed, even heartbroken because of his own crush on him. A small smile appeared on his face, however, as he thought about his crush. But he was brought back to reality by a pair of fingers snapping in front of him. “What?” He blinked and looked at Yuu.

“Who were you thinking about? You should’ve seen the look on your face.” Yuu smirked and his words made Yutaka blush.

“N-no one.” He brought his beer to his lips again and drank some of it, hoping to cool off.

“If you’re dating someone, we need to know who it is. We need to make sure mother hen is in good hands.” Yutaka’s head whipped into Takanori’s direction, only to see him smirk at him, which didn’t help his current blush, of course.

“I’m not dating anyone! Even if I were, I wouldn’t tell you guys.” He mock-huffed and drank some more. He knew they were just teasing him, but truth be told, he sometimes missed dating. He was generally very busy and he didn’t have much time to go search for someone to go out with, so he’d always end up hanging out with his friends. He never really thought about it, but maybe a pet would help. He—

“Oi, stop dazing off!” Akira chuckled and threw a napkin at him, but missed Yutaka completely.

“You still suck at it, Kira.” He chuckled and shook his head. He smiled at them and soon Akira and Kouyou resumed their conversation.

“Hey, are you alright?” Yuu asked softly, just for Yutaka to hear, concern painting his deep black eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.” More like _someone_ , but he’d never admit to his adoration he had for Uruha. He knew he wouldn’t be judged, so that wasn’t the reason why he didn’t tell his friends. But it would’ve sounded stupid if he said he was infatuated with an actor he was… going to meet in a week. Just remembering that made Yutaka almost panic at the thought, but kept himself together. However, his reaction, even if it was for a split second, did not go unnoticed by Yuu.

“Let’s go out for a smoke.” Yuu suggested and nudged Yutaka, who in turn agreed, needing the fresh air. “Guys, we’re going out for a smoke. We’ll be right back.” He announced and got up, tugging Yutaka up as well so they could go. Once outside, Yutaka lit his cigarette and leaned against the building, feeling his muscles slowly relax. “Still having panic attacks?” He asked softly, not wanting to startled his friend.

Yutaka shook his head and looked up at Yuu. “No…” He sighed. “I guess you’ll find out eventually. But please, _please_ don’t tell the others, okay? This is just dumb, I know, but I can’t help it. I—“

“Just tell me, Yuta.” He said softly, looking at him before lighting his own cigarette. At that, Yutaka sighed again and let his head fall.

“There’s this person I like, but…” He chuckled bitterly. “I know I’ll never have them because we’re worlds apart. I’m not going to tell you who it is because you’ll laugh at me. I secretly wish that person would notice me.” He looked up at Yuu with a bittersweet smile on his lips and took another drag. “Oh God, don’t look at me like that, Yuu. I don’t need to be pitied.”

“I’m not pitying you, Yuta. I just… don’t know what to say. I mean, in a way I know how you feel. And don’t worry, I won’t tell the others.” He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and smiled lightly at his friend.

“Thanks, Yuu. I—“ He looked over at the door as Akira got out of the bar and lit himself a cigarette too, joining them.

“I figured the love birds could use some alone time.” Akira chuckled as he stepped closer.

“Who’s that guy? And what’s his deal?” Yutaka asked curiously, looking between Yuu and Akira. “Are they dating or something and I don’t know?” He chuckled.

“Well… from what Nori told me, he met the guy at his tattoo place and they hit it off.” Akira shrugged and took a long drag out of his cigarette.

“When did this happen?” Yutaka eyed the blond.

“Uh…” Akira scratched the back of his head as he thought about it. “I think three weeks or so ago?”

“He was surprisingly quiet about this whole thing. He normally talks our ears off when he gets into a relationship. Sounds suspicious to me.” Yuu narrowed his eyes slightly.

“Not gonna lie, the guy’s pretty good looking.” Yutaka mused to himself and the other two whipped their heads over in his direction, shocked at what came out of his mouth. After a few moments of silence, Yutaka looked up at them. “What?”

“Did… did you just say that guy is hot?” Akira asked, not believing his ears.

“Are you gay, Yuta?” Came Yuu’s shocked question.

“What? No! I just… think he’s good looking.” He shrugged and finished his cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray nearby. “I mean, let’s face it, Nori didn’t always have good-looking partners.” He leaned against the wall and waited for the other two to finish their cigarettes. Little did his friends know, and something Yutaka realized recently, was that he seemed to have a growing interest in men. Not that he was fully gay or anything, of course not. It didn’t really matter to him anymore what gender the other person was, as long as he liked them. He had dated one guy before and thought he wasn't interested, but ever since he found Uruha, he couldn't stop thinking about him, even if he was somewhat like a fictional character to him. It was good enough for him for the time being.

“Yeah, remember that creepy dude he dated a coupled of years ago? He was some sort of band guy, guitarist I think? He was ugly, bro.” Yuu added in, laughing softly.

“Oh yeah! The one who kept writing songs for and about him, but was terrible when he tried to perform.” Akira laughed along, shaking his head.

“Guys, don’t be so mean.” Yutaka chimed in, chuckling lightly as well. “I mean, he _was_ kinda creepy and all that, but I think it was sweet that he was writing songs for him.” Yutaka grinned, slowly feeling better as they talked.

“Nori’s a sucker for stuff like that, isn’t he? It’s cute.” Yuu chuckled and put his cigarette out. “We should go back in before he starts pouting.” He shook his head amused and nudged Akira. “Finish up already, slow-poke.” Akira swatted his hand away as he finished off his cigarette and made his way inside first, followed soon by Yuu and Yutaka.

As they walked back to their table, the other two made their way over to the bar while Yutaka lingered for a few moments, looking over at their other two companions who were sitting down – it looked like his friend and the new guy were being pretty intimate, even it they weren’t kissing or doing much, so he decided to get his other two friends to give them space. He walked over to the bar and sneaked between Yuu and Akira and flung his arms over their shoulders. “Those guys need to get a room.” He laughed lightly as the other two whined while trying to pry his arms off them, then nudged himself closer to the bar and ordered another drink.

Once they got their drinks, all three made their way back to their table and as soon as they reached it, Yutaka noticed Takanori scooting slightly away from the taller man, which he found amusing. His friend could be so shy sometimes, despite how talkative and authoritative he could be when it was just the four of them. After taking a few gulps of his drink, Yutaka set the bottle on the table and announced he had to pee before walking in the direction of the bathroom. He groaned lightly when he saw there was a lineup, then leaned against the wall and waited patiently, his mind wandering to various thoughts. By the time there were only two people left ahead of him, Yutaka felt a presence behind him and glanced back out of habit to see who it was. To his surprise, it was Takanori’s new boyfriend – he was almost certain they were a couple - Kouyou. Yutaka offered him a small smile and a short bow to acknowledge his presence. Truth was, he was already feeling somewhat tipsy and he was enjoying it, feeling all the more friendly towards people.

“I hope I didn’t intrude on your night out, Uke-san. Nori dragged me along saying he wanted me to meet you guys.” The taller man chuckled, a nice crystalline sound to Yutaka’s ears.

“Don’t worry about it!” Yutaka waved lightly in front of his face. “He’s like that. He’ll do that if he gets excited about something or someone.” He chuckled lightly. As he turned more towards the other, he felt more aware of him and _his scent_. It was a strange combination of sweet and musky and even a hint of floral, which pleased Yutaka – wait. Was he really thinking about Kouyou _like that?_ He blinked and chuckled nervously as he tried to send those thoughts away, reaction which made Kouyou tilt his head and look at him with a confused and amused look. “Sorry, I apparently can’t handle my alcohol tonight.” He used that as an excuse for his recent reaction, which drew and ‘Ah’ from the other and a nod.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re not worse than Nori. He’s already tipsy and he only had one beer.” Kouyou chuckled softly.

“We do this every week, so I don’t know why we’re so bad at it. Except for Yuu. He’ll out-drink us all.” Again, Yutaka laughed softly and inched closer to the door as another person went inside the bathroom, leaving just one more before he could go relieve himself.

“From what he told me and what I’ve seen, you guys are a great group of friends.” The taller man commented, which made Yutaka look back over at him.

“You’re free to join us anytime! I mean, you seem like a nice guy, so…” He shrugged and smiled lightly. Why was that man so intoxicating? Just being in his presence made Yutaka feel… several different things. But he couldn’t. Not when he was seemingly dating one of his best friends. “So uh… how did you guys meet, if you don’t mind me asking?” Yutaka asked with a soft smile.

“Well…” He licked his lips before speaking again. “I met him at his tattoo shop. I heard good things about it, so I wanted to see his work. And it’s truly amazing! I understand now why he’s so famous.” He chuckled lightly. “And, well, I think he’s cute too, so I asked him to be my tattoo artist and uh… I ended up asking him out for coffee.”

Yutaka was surprised at how frank the other one was about it, but it made him smile. “Well, I know he’s a sucker for good-looking people.” He chuckled lightly and smacked himself mentally for saying that. He was definitely _not_ acknowledging him as someone he’d be interested in, of course not. He was merely stating a fact.

“Ah, thank you…” Kouyou rubbed the back of his neck as he accepted the compliment. “I just hope I’m worthy. Nori seems to be a wonderful person.”

Again, his words made Yutaka smile and decided he liked the guy enough to have him join them whenever they went out. “He is. And he’s a very gentle soul, so the three of us are willing to kill anyone who hurts him.” Yutaka let out a soft laughter as he saw the other’s expression: his eyes widened and took half a step back. “You’re too funny, Takashima-san.”

“Please, call me Shima.” The man smiled lightly at Yutaka.

“Shima-san. Okay.” He nodded solemnly.

“No—“ Kouyou just chuckled and shook his head. “Anything you wish to call me, Uke-san.”

“Yutaka. Hearing someone use my last name makes me feel like I’m at work. Or my father.”

“Yutaka-san, then. Gotcha.” He grinned at Yutaka, which in turn made the latter smile. Takanori was surely lucky to have someone who had such an amazing smile, Yutaka thought to himself.

Once it was Yutaka’s turn to go, he excused himself and went inside, hiding in one of the two stalls there. He never like using the urinal and having other guys stand next to him, it felt creepy to him. As soon as he was done and after washing his hands, he bumped into Kouyou as he walked into the bathroom for the same reason. With a chuckle and a light bow, Yutaka made his way past the taller man and back to the table to continue where he left off, both with his drink and hanging out with his friends. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter!

That weekend was pretty much the same as any other weekend spent with his friends: they would get drunk on Friday, go out for breakfast – more like brunch – on Saturday to soothe their hangover and then they’d go to one of their places to play games or do any activity that preferably didn't involve alcohol. Sundays were for relaxing for all of them in preparation for the new week, so they usually went their separate ways on Saturday evening, giving them a full day to do whatever their hearts desired. The only different thing about that weekend was that there was an additional body added to their group and Yutaka found the man to be quite pleasant and fun. However, Takanori and Kouyou ended up making out, which caught the attention of the other three guys who were watching them quietly, almost fascinated. They had never seen their slightly younger friend with anyone, not displaying himself like that with someone in front of them at least, so it was news to them. And when the couple realized they were being watched, they stopped, with Takanori blushing like mad and throwing pillows and napkins at his friends. Yutaka was happy whenever he was around them all and he thought he might like Kouyou as well, he seemed like a nice guy. Yuu, since they were at his place, kept complaining that they were making a mess, which only lead to his friends throwing more stuff at him to shut him up and laughed as he whined some more.

Sunday being his only day to himself, Yutaka decided to ditch the gym and instead stay at home and be lazy, he felt like he needed a break. It was a pretty uneventful day as he lounged at home and secretly wished it wasn’t just him in that condo of his. But with his busy schedule, he could never keep up with a pet, let alone with a relationship. The only physical contact he had was when he met random people at a club he and his friends went to every now and then and went home – or rather to a hotel – with someone, usually a pretty girl. Every now and then+ it would be a handsome guy and when that happened, he made sure his friends didn’t find out. It’s not like they’d be against it, but he wasn’t ready to tell them he liked all genders, not just women.

Without realizing it, his thoughts drifted back to his friends and then the beautiful stranger who was – although not confirmed – Takanori’s boyfriend, or whatever they were. The man resembled his Uruha a lot and—did he just call Uruha ‘his’? Yutaka shook his head as he lounged on his bed while he watched TV, trying not to think about it. Besides, they weren’t the same person. Uruha had flawless milky white skin while Kouyou had tattoos on his arms and probably shoulders or back, as far as Yutaka could tell. Plus, one had long black hair while the other had shoulder length light brown hair and Kouyou didn't give off any intimidating vibes, but rather friendly ones and he felt Kouyou might be the energetic and funny type, almost like Akira, but cooler and smoother.

“Why am I even comparing them?” He groaned and with a sigh, he got out of bed to turn off the TV, feeling hungry all of a sudden. Why were the two men on his mind anyway? He had better things to do than think about either of them, like eat leftover pizza from the day before, that he picked up on his way home from Yuu’s place. But as he heated up his pizza and then took a bite out of it, he remembered the ticket he found in the new DVD he bought and wanted to check it one more time. After finishing his food, he washed and wiped his hands and made his way back into the bedroom, where he kept his stash, just in case he had guests over and didn’t want them to see them and have to explain himself. He looked around for the item and almost had a mini heart attack when he couldn’t find it, but then he noticed the box sitting under the TV. With a sigh, he stepped over and picked it up, deciding to read through the terms and conditions, maybe he missed something when he read it the first time. Which he did: he was supposed to sign up with the code on the back of the ticket on the link provided no later than three days before the event. After reading that part, Yutaka grabbed his laptop and went into the living room, pulling the curtains away so he could enjoy the view while signing up.

He remembered the time when he was apartment hunting, trying to find a place he could call home: this was the one who had stolen his heart as the view was incredible and the apartment itself was brand new and designed with taste, with creamy white walls and black kitchen and bathroom furniture, everything looking modern and chic. The best part was that he could see far out into the ocean and even had a view of the Rainbow Bridge in Odaiba, and due to the layout of his apartment, he could catch both sunrise and sunset, which made him happy. It was the perfect place and Yutaka felt peaceful in his cozy home. What he sometimes liked to do was to sit close to the glass wall overlooking the bay and watch the ships coming in and out of the port. It soothed him when he felt anxious or was having a particularly bad day.

Yutaka followed the instructions on how to register and as soon as he opened the website, Uruha’s gorgeous face greeted him with a look of discontent which made Yutaka's mind think of various scenarios that would involve different kinds of toys on or inside him. Uruha was probably the only man Yutaka would submit to, but even then, it would prove to be tricky: Yutaka didn’t like being dominated by anyone and it wasn’t because he feared his masculinity would suffer, no. He just liked being in control of the situation, any situation. It was something that stuck with him ever since he was a child and sometimes it put a bit of a strain on his relationships, but knowing that his current friends didn't mind that made him feel a bit better about it. And himself.

As soon as he was done registering, he set his laptop aside and lounged on the couch, looking outside the glass wall. It was cloudy, about to rain, and it felt like the weather matched his mood. With yet another sigh, he grabbed his throw blanket and went to sit next to the wall, leaning against an armchair and wrapped himself in the fluffy fabric as he let his mind wander. He felt like he needed the downtime, maybe even a vacation, something to take his mind off all his worries at least for a short time. He couldn’t really complain about his life all that much, however: he went to a prestigious university, had a very good and well-paid job and owned a gorgeous condo in Tokyo, on the fortieth floor, had amazing friends and… well, his family was a bit different than the average family, but he loved them nonetheless. However, he wished his mother was still alive to see what he had achieved, knowing she’d be proud of him. He missed her every day ever since he was fourteen when she had passed away and he had moved to Canada to live with his father, step-mother and his step-siblings. Out of all of them, he was really attached to his youngest sister, whom he nicknamed ‘Nessie', her real name being Genessee, an Iroquois name as per her mother's wishes, who was part of the First Nations. Genessee was there for him when he was grieving his mother’s death, even if the girl was ten years younger than him; she knew how to make him smile when he was down. Yutaka smiled at the thought of his sister and realized he really missed her, making a mental note to text her once he reached his phone, even if it was still the middle of the night in Toronto.

Somehow, his thoughts trailed back to Friday night after everyone went to Yuu’s place. One of the few things he remembered was what beautiful features Kouyou had. He couldn’t help himself from stealing a few glances whenever he could and it was easier when the taller man spoke as everyone else had their attention on him. In his mind, he still thought that Kouyou had a very similar face structure to Uruha’s, but he was convinced the two were not the same person due to their mannerisms and personalities. Yet, when he saw him kiss Takanori, he felt slightly jealous of the two, which surprised him. He was never really jealous of his friends—scratch that, he wasn't very interested in their love lives to even bother feeling jealous; if his friends were involved with someone, all he wanted to know and all he cared about was how they were being treated or how they were treating their partners. He was neglecting his own love life, which was mostly because he was busy and he also didn’t really feel like pursuing a relationship, not for the time being at least. If he were to be honest with himself, he almost, just _almost_ felt lonely at times and that happened generally when his friends were unavailable. Though despite that, he enjoyed his alone time, it was the only time he could rest and not worry about work or anyone else and could focus on his hobbies uninterrupted.

The rest of his day was mostly quiet, either working on his miniature projects – he learned they helped him unwind – and towards the evening he ended up watching TV before he got ready for bed. He didn’t mind uneventful days like that, when he could take his time and relax.

***

He had five days, give or take, until the event took place and Yutaka felt more and more nervous as they went by. Luckily, work was busy enough to keep his mind off it during the day, with projects and deadlines to meet and reports to analyze. He was good at his job and he was confident enough to tell himself that, though not arrogant about it. Whenever his colleagues needed help, he would always lend a hand and whatever task his boss threw at him, he tackled. He was a hard worker and had been ever since starting university, wanting to keep his promise to his mother and be the best he could. Having attended one of the best universities in Asia, he had high expectations of himself and he wasn’t about to let himself or his mother down. Despite living in Canada for several years, he considered Japan to be his home; it was where he had been born and had lived about half of his life.

He managed to power through the week, getting files ready for month end, but it was frustrating as some of their clients were late with their paperwork. However, Yutaka was patient as ever and tried to assure his clients that everything was fine, but also had his way of convincing them to hurry up and send him what he needed so he could do his own job.

Before he knew it, Friday came around and Yutaka remembered he forgot to tell his friends he wouldn’t make it to their usual Friday drinking night. It went something like this:

_Leader: Guys, I forgot to tell you. I’m not gonna make it tonight. But I’m free tomorrow? Can we postpone?_

_Bird guy: What’s so important that you can’t come? DO YOU NOT LOVE US ANYMORE?? D:_

_Leader: Oh shut up, Kira. >_>_

_Flower boy: Hot date, stud? ;)_

_Leader: No._

_Shorty: Guys, leave him alone. He hasn’t gotten laid in what… three years?_

_Leader: PLEASE STOP OMFG. I’m not going on a date or getting laid!! I’m attending an event >_>_

_Flower boy: If there are pretty women, get one for me too, bro ;)_

_Leader: … I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Gotta go back to work. >_>_

With a shake of his head and a small smile, Yutaka returned to what he was doing. He was going to finish early that night and make up the hours later on – he knew he was going to be either drunk or drinking on Saturday. When the clock hit five, Yutaka hurried to grab his jacket and his belongings and rushed out the door so he could have some time to stop by his apartment and change, not wanting to go there dressed in his work suit. He still had a few hours until the event started, but it was going to take him a while to get to the place, seeing how it was somewhere in northern Shinjuku and he wasn't sure how traffic was going to be like by the time he left.

Because he was meeting with the man he’d been admiring for a while now – it still felt surreal – he wanted to look good, so he even dared to put on some eyeliner to make himself look cooler, then donned his usual black jeans, this time paired with a white shirt and a thin black tie, with his leather jacket on top. He fluffed up his hair a bit as well, randomly realizing that he felt like lightening the colour a bit _maybe someday soon_ , or add some highlights to his tresses. Once he was done, he grabbed the ticket and DVD, placing them in a black pouch and made his way back downstairs to the car to make his way over to the venue.

Surprisingly, the traffic let up as he got closer to the hotel. He wondered what was going to happen that night: was Uruha planning on taking one of the fans up to one of the rooms after the event? And what if maybe, just _maybe_ , that someone was Yutaka—he shook that thought away from his head almost immediately. _Why would he pick me out of everyone there?_ He asked himself, a small part of him wishing he was the one if it came down to that. But since there was no leaflet with the program, he wasn’t sure what to expect.

After parking in front of the hotel, he grabbed his invitation and the rest of the things he needed, then proceeded to the entrance. Yutaka stopped by the front desk to ask for directions to the hall and soon enough was crossing the spacious reception area over to the other side and then went down a long corridor towards one of the ballrooms. He couldn’t help himself but think about how fancy and lavish the hotel looked and almost missed the door to the event. He stopped and backtracked, looking at his ticket and then up at the door, after which he opened it slowly, so he wouldn’t attract much attention. Right at the door there were two beautiful ladies, who greeted him as he entered, and asked to see his ticket. He pulled it out and did so, showing one of the girls, then was instructed to write his name or a nickname and his phone number on a piece of paper for the raffle. He was perplexed, but did so, folding it and dropping it in the box the other girl held before he could continue inside. He smiled at both of them, secretly admiring how beautiful they were. To keep his anonymity, he wrote down his old nickname he used in his intense gaming days, and still used for various online things. Just in case something happened, he didn’t want this event to jeopardize his career – in his line of work it was best that things like this stayed out and not be mentioned. Being the private person that he was, he preferred to keep business and pleasure separate.

The room itself wasn’t extremely big, but it was big enough to welcome roughly forty people in there and Yutaka noticed almost all the seats were taken, save for a few in the back row. He seemed to arrive just in time, because merely minutes after he walked inside and took one of the available seats in the back, Uruha, beautiful, _gorgeous_ Uruha walked in through a different door so gracefully that it took him a moment to register his presence. Almost like a God among men. He felt his heart beat slightly faster, the realization dawning upon him: the actor was there in the flesh, with his luscious, long black locks, black sunglasses, and sporting a pair of _tight_ , black leather pants, what looked like a black silk shirt (Yutaka was too far away to really see the fabric, but figured it was silk because of how it shone) and a white leather jacket with fur around its collar. He couldn’t help himself from staring as the man sat down behind a table that had a microphone in front of him, a bottle of water and a glass on the side. Behind him stood two men who resembled bodyguards, their bodies rigid and looked ready for action, while close to the door, a beautiful woman who looked like she was in her later thirties or maybe even early forties, leaned against the wall, with an almost disinterested expression on her face.

The whole audience started screaming and cheering when he entered and as soon as he spoke, everyone settled down so he could hear his deep and surprisingly quiet voice. Yutaka wondered if that was his usual voice or just the one he put on for his performances. It felt like the world stopped around him, not even hearing the two girls sitting next to him who were chatting, whispering excitedly with each other, or the soft murmurs of the people sitting in front of him. His eyes and ears were focused on the man ahead.

Yutaka was starting to feel warm and decided to take off his jacket, slowly so he wouldn’t make too much noise or attract attention, but he saw Uruha look over in his direction and stop speaking for a mere second before he continued what he was saying and Yutaka’s heart stopped. Did Uruha notice him?? He seemed to look straight at him for a fraction of a second and just the thought alone made him shiver lightly. He felt excited on the inside, something he hadn’t felt in a while. His job didn’t leave much room for fun and excitement and his friends… well, he’s been hanging out with them for over ten years, almost weekly and exciting wasn't really a word to describe them as they were more laid back than anything.

Yutaka was itching to know what the plan was for the evening, so he worked up the courage and leaned over to whisper to one of the girls next to him. At first, she glared at him with a ‘How dare you bother me’ look on her face before blushing as she laid her eyes on him and the light and friendly smile he had on his lips, his dimple showing.

“Excuse me, but do you know what's going to happen tonight? It’s my first time coming to an event like this and I’m not sure what to expect…” His words were hushed so as not to disturb everyone else around them.

“Ah—well, first there’s a Q&A session where we can ask him questions in a few minutes, then the signing event where he’ll sign DVDs or merchandise and you get to talk to him a bit and they also offer refreshments after he leaves the room, where people can mingle. Unfortunately, we can't take photos of or with him, so instead we get to talk to him. I know, it sounds odd, but it’s quite fun!” She smiled excitedly at him, but her tone of voice was matching his. “While we have our refreshments, there will be a raffle and one of the staff members will come and get the person with the winning ticket to go spend the rest of the evening with Uruha-sama. I was lucky once and met him and he was so charming and polite. He treats women nicer than he does men, from what I've heard, though.” The girl looked like she was going to squeal from excitement while talking about him, but she was quiet about it. After she finished her explanation, Yutaka thanked her and she returned her attention to her friend, continuing to fangirl over the actor.

There was a mix of people in the room, mostly young women, a few older, creepy-looking men and a couple of guys around his age or younger, who from their outfits and hairstyles looked like hosts, which Yutaka found to be a very weird mix. Nonetheless, he was there to observe Uruha and revel in the feeling of being in the same room as him. It’s not like Yutaka had never met celebrities before. Working for the company he did and being regarded so highly, he had his fair amount of times of mingling with the stars, but he was never as nervous as he was in that moment. Maybe it was because he had no real interest in the other people, but Uruha was an exception? He wasn’t sure. What he was sure about, though, was the fact that he liked the feeling.

He was entranced with him and kept his eyes focused on the black-haired beauty, absorbing every word he spoke and Yutaka had to pinch himself back to reality. It wasn’t long until the Q&A session ended and people started lining up for the signing session. Yutaka was slightly unsure of what to say or do and so he decided to go last in line to see what other people did or said and he noticed that a lot of them, if not all, were carrying gifts. He felt stupid for not thinking about something like that, but again, to his defence, he’d never been to a fan event for someone other than a few of his favourite bands, so he didn’t know what to expect. As he waited in line, he put his jacket back on to make things easier for himself, fiddling with the hem of it out of nervousness. Before long, it was his turn to walk up to him and he took a deep, silent breath and exhaled before he reached the table. It was the first time that evening when Uruha took off his sunglasses and looked up straight at him, earning gasps from the people around them. Yutaka felt mildly intimidated and turned on by the perfect face looking up at him: a nice, strong jaw, cute pouty lips – which Yutaka could easily imagine himself kissing – and his gorgeous eye makeup, which made him look like a piece of art. It was all too surreal to him and thought he was only imagining things.

“Do you have a name?” Uruha asked coolly, waking Yutaka up from his daydream.

“Y—It’s Kai.” He almost stuttered and kicked himself mentally for being so nervous, but bowed to him as it was polite. With a smirk, Uruha held out his hand to Yutaka, the latter looking at him confused.

“I assume you want me to sign the DVD?” Uruha arched a perfect eyebrow up as he looked at the other and Yutaka scrambled to give him the DVD with a goofy, awkward smile. After taking it and while signing, Uruha spoke up. “You must be new here. I haven’t seen you before to any of my events.”

Uruha was talking to him.

Uruha was in front of him, not even three feet away from him and was _talking_ _to him._

“Y-yeah… I guess you could say that I’m a new fan.” He smoothed his hand through his hair, trying to look cool and compose himself. A small smile was still plastered on his face as Uruha looked back up at him, starting to feel slightly more relaxed around him.

The actor then stood up and handed back the DVD and when Yutaka reached to take it and was ready to thank him, the former stood up, grabbed him by his tie and pulled him closer, their faces mere inches away from each other, which earned them cheers and gasps from the rest of the audience, who were watching the two. Yutaka’s cheeks turned red before he knew it and blinked fast as he looked straight at the other man. The latter smirked as he studied his features, an air of dominance lingering about him.

“I like new fans. Especially good-looking ones.” Uruha spoke in a quiet voice, only Yutaka being able to hear him. Before he knew it, Uruha pulled away and let go of him, then put his sunglasses back on and walked away, leaving a stunned Yutaka pinned in his spot.

The girl Yutaka spoke with before rushed over to him with a huge grin on her face and other people walked over as well almost immediately, asking him various questions, which took Yutaka off guard. His mind was still processing what had happened and he was somehow able to tear himself away from the crowd that gathered around and were throwing questions at him, and walked outside into the hallway, lingering around the door to the hall he was just in to calm himself down. He needed some space. His heart was beating fast and he felt the adrenaline rush through his body – he really hoped he could see him again soon. He was so shocked at Uruha’s antics that he didn’t have time to take anything else in except for his height: he was taller than Kai, which made him look even more imposing. His scent was also vaguely familiar, soft but masculine, like musk and vanilla and a hint of rose, a perfect combination for someone like him.

He was woken up out of his daze by one of the staff members who called out his name before approaching him, holding a piece of paper. The girl was pretty and had a nice, soft smile on as she spoke to him.

“Kai-sama, I’m here to let you know that you were the one who won the raffle.” She offered him the envelope she was holding with both hands and bowed politely. Yutaka mimicked her actions as he accepted the piece of paper with both hands and bowed, stunned yet again. “Since you are a new member, please allow me to explain further.” With a nod of Yutaka’s head, the girl continued. “These are done confidentially and Uruha-sama picks out one of the tickets from the bin and the lucky winner gets to spend the rest of the evening with him. However, we ask that you do not divulge to the rest of the members that you were selected. We prefer to keep this confidential, for the sake of the fans and Uruha-sama.” She smiled lightly at him. “Since you are already outside, will you allow me to escort you to his suite?”

Yutaka only blinked at her, then nodded lightly, still taken aback by the whole situation. With another polite bow and a soft ‘please follow me’, the girl lead him to the elevator down the hall. Once inside, they were both silent, Yutaka still processing what had happened. As it dawned on him, a small grin crept on his face, but he tried to suppress it – he was getting nervous again. Who wouldn’t be when they were going to spend more time with one of the people they admire (or have a crush on) the most? The soft ding the elevator made when they arrived on the penthouse floor brought Yutaka back to reality yet again and he was lead down the corridor to one of the presidential suites. The girl knocked lightly on the door and announced Yutaka’s presence and several moments later, she opened the door for him and asked him to go inside, closing the door after him.

He looked around and soon saw Uruha with his back turned towards him and facing the window, holding what it looked to be a glass of… wine? Yeah, it looked like wine to him. He took a few cautious steps closer, his eyes on the tall man, feeling even more nervous. Yutaka was almost ruthless when it came to business, yet still pleasant when dealing with his colleagues and was confident, but standing there so close to Uruha made him feel like a schoolgirl who had a crush on her senior. He shook his head to shoo his thoughts away and focus on the situation.

“Um…”

“Tell me, Kai. Why would a good-looking guy like you watch my videos and attend my event?” His low, deep voice did things to Yutaka he did not want to admit to just yet. He sounded a lot better in real life than on screen, that was certain, but the sudden question took him by surprise.

“I’m sorry?” He wasn’t sure if he heard right or it was just his imagination. But as soon as the words left his mouth, he saw Uruha turn and make his way over to him languidly, almost like a feline. He wasn’t wearing the white jacket anymore and the all black look suited him perfectly. The contrast of his pale skin and black clothes made him look almost surreal and his eyes felt like they were piercing through Yutaka.

The taller man stopped a few feet away from him and poured another glass of what looked like champagne, _real, expensive champagne_ and not just your average sparkling wine. With both glasses in hand, he approached Yutaka, offering him the freshly poured drink and the latter felt a shiver run down his spine at how incredibly _gorgeous_ the man standing in front of him was and the intimidating look on his face. He felt his heart beat faster again and hoped Uruha couldn’t hear it, because it was pounding in his chest so loudly that he thought it might jump out and into the wine glass. He accepted the drink, but stayed silent, unable to take his eyes off the man, which earned him a raised eyebrow.

“Gorgeous.” Was the only word that left Yutaka’s lips as he studied the man up close and it seemed to throw Uruha off if only by a fraction of a second before smirking. He gripped Yutaka’s chin and looked at him, face mere inches away from each other and Yutaka's breathing became heavier as he continued his eye contact with him. “I-I mean…” He stuttered, realizing how close they were in fact. “That’s the reason why. Because I’ve never seen a more beautiful, graceful and dominant person like yourself. Because—“

Yutaka didn’t get to finish his sentence as Uruha placed a finger over his lips, then leaned in to whisper. “I bet you look sexy while jacking off to my videos.” And as Yutaka predicted, his words were like honey and they did things to him. He closed his eyes for a moment as he savoured the feeling, but before he knew it, with a chuckle, Uruha pulled away from him and was walking back towards the window and Yutaka followed him quietly, mesmerized.

“I—actually…” He could feel his cheeks heat up again as he stood there, glass of champagne in hand and watching the other. A soft chuckle left his lips as he looked away, but he didn’t know what to reply to him anymore. Once he calmed down slightly, he smiled to himself, looking out at the view while quietly sipping his drink. “It’s a beautiful view.” He said softly, eyes ahead, but could feel the other’s gaze upon him, and was aware of his presence. “I wasn’t expecting this. That I see you in person and this close even.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, still not looking at Uruha. “I was surprised when I found the golden ticket and I thought I’d come see what this is all about. So... here I am.” A soft chuckle left his lips again, trying his best not to go on a rant as he tended to do when he was nervous.

“So, is this really your first time coming to see me?” His voice had a tint of curiosity and surprise in it and Yutaka noticed, looking at him with a small smile.

“I uh… yeah.” He let out another quiet, nervous chuckle. “I didn’t even know you held events like this one. I don’t really use social media either. I’m generally a busy guy.” He shrugged as he held Uruha’s gaze.

“Interesting…” Uruha smirked and sipped his drink, still watching the shorter man. “So, what is it that you do, Kai-kun?”

“Ah… it’s nothing interesting. I work in finance. Just your regular employee.” He looked back at the view and smiled to himself: the lights were more playful and relaxing to watch than the view from his apartment, although his was impressive during the day rather than the night.

“I see… I’m sure your wife or girlfriend must be happy with that, to have you home at decent times.” His words made Yutaka laugh.

“Ah, no no… I’m not married. I’m too busy and the ladies don’t like that. Being single is actually pretty great if you know what to do with your spare time. If you have any, of course.” He looked back at him and chuckled again. “Is it really that surprising? Besides, I’m sure your life is more interesting than mine. I mean… you have so many fans and so many people who love you!” His sudden enthusiasm didn’t infect Uruha, who just looked at Yutaka with an inquiring look on his face, as if he was studying him, his eyes slightly narrowed. He felt embarrassed almost immediately and looked away again, but a small smile still lingered on his lips. “I’m sorry, I uh… talk a lot when I get nervous.”

“Now why would you be nervous around me?” Yutaka wanted to roll his eyes at his sarcastic question and when he glanced over to the taller man, he saw him smirk. Then it hit him: he never saw him smile or laugh at all and he really wished he could. Who knows, maybe someday.

“You’re such a tease, Uruha-san.” The hand that gripped his chin came out of nowhere, almost startling Yutaka, and he looked up at the other, their faces maybe a bit too close. How Uruha could make him feel so flustered was beyond him.

“It’s Uruha-sama to you.” He whispered against Yutaka’s lips, his eyes mesmerizing him even further.

“U-Uruha-sama...” his words came out just above a whisper, which seemed to please the taller man.

“Better. I’m always the Master and you have to obey me.” His voice was low and seductive and Yutaka swallowed visibly at that.

“And what if I refuse?” He glanced down at his lips, then back at his eyes, one of his hands subconsciously moving to rest on Uruha’s chest, in case he had to push him away, for some reason. Why not play his little game? He always fantasized about what he’d do to Uruha and what he would like the latter to do to him, and even if nothing happened, why not see how much he could push his boundaries?

It took him by surprise when he suddenly felt the collar of his shirt being lowered slightly and a pair of warm, plush lips being pressed against his neck, after which he felt teeth grazing against his skin, making him close his eyes as his crush sucked lightly on that spot. A quiet gasp, almost like a moan resounded in his throat and Yutaka blinked his eyes open at the sound he made, but it didn’t seem to stop Uruha from continuing to suck until he was happy with the mark he left. Before he knew it, Yutaka felt the other’s breath against his ear, turning him on even more.

“That’s to remember me by. Though I wouldn’t mind seeing you again. You intrigue me.” He let his fingers slide down his neck and tug gently on the tie before pulling away.

Yutaka opened his eyes and looked up at the other with flushed cheeks, his words not really registering as he had a growing problem to deal with. But soon enough he snapped out of his daze and placed his hand over where he could feel the mark, covering it.

“M-me? Intrigue you? But I’m just an ordinary guy.” His words came out quiet, his mind processing what was going on.

“You haven’t tried to touch or grope me at all ever since you entered the room. Wouldn’t you normally do that to someone you felt sexually attracted to? Wouldn't you try to get as close as possible to them?” His voice was calm as he spoke, looking at him with a studious gaze.

Yutaka was confused as he felt… scolded by Uruha. “But that’s… creepy. Not to mention, it can be considered sexual harassment.” Yutaka shrugged, watching the other man. “It’s a matter of respect towards the other person.” Uruha watched him for a few long moments and Yutaka noticed the slight surprise on his face, present only for a few seconds. The taller man was proving to be easier to read than he ever would have imagined and it was a pretty amusing thought.

“I guess you’re right.” He shrugged and downed his drink, then made his way back to the table to pour himself more. Yutaka followed him with his gaze curiously.

“What you just did to me, though… I think that’s different than having a fan just walk up to you and touch you in any way they wanted. It wasn't unwelcome.” He stepped over to where the actor was and placed his glass on the table, a small smile on his lips as he looked over at him. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet you, Uruha-sama.” Yutaka bowed politely, a small smile on his lips. “But I have to leave now. I hope we can meet again soon.” Before he could walk away, he felt a grip on his wrist and looked up, curious. Uruha only glanced at him and picked up the pen that was lying on the table before opening his palm and scribbling something on his skin.

“This is my phone number. If you feel like seeing me again, now you can.” He turned away and picked up his glass, drinking some of the champagne. Yutaka blinked as he looked down at the writing in his palm, then looked back up at the other man, surprised that he seemed to trust him enough to share his personal phone number with him.

“Is… this alright? I mean—“ When he saw the actor look at him with a raised eyebrow, he felt he had to shut up. Uruha took a step closer to him, which made Yutaka take a half step back, unsure of what the former had in mind.

“You should probably go before I decide I want to… play with you.” He smirked as he looked at Yutaka, the latter becoming slightly flustered. Uruha stepped away and regarded him, his smirk still present, sipping his newly poured drink.

“Y-yes.” Yutaka nodded weakly, then bowed his head. “Thank you.” He glanced up at the other man before making his way out of the room.

As soon as he was out into the hallway, he noticed only then how fast his heart was beating and felt slightly overwhelmed by the whole night. Once he made his way into the elevator, he opened his palm and stared at the number, not believing what had just happened. Yutaka pulled his phone out and quickly typed in the number before he forgot. He wanted to text him and thank him again, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. What if he was bothering the man? Even if he willingly gave him the number, Yutaka still felt he should wait at least until the next time he saw him to do so. Either way, he slipped the phone back in his pocket and grinned to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm a bit rusty, not having written anything since 2011ish, but I'm working on improving!  
> You'll find out more about them all over the next few chapters :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3!   
> Updating a day early because I'll be crazy busy over the next few days.  
> Hope you enjoy this!

That weekend after meeting Uruha, Yutaka was in a state of bliss, still unable to fully grasp what had happened. Besides seeing him in person, he had his number _and_ a few marks to remind him that it was all real and he'd feel his cheeks warm up lightly every time he saw them or remembered he had them. The day after the fan event, he had to bail on his friends as he didn't want them to question why he had marks on his neck and knowing them, they'd get him drunk and get all the juicy details out of him and Yutaka wasn't ready for that just yet.

He had no intention of telling them about his weekend and how happy it made him to finally get to meet his crush, mostly because he still couldn't bring himself to confess to his friends that he was attracted to women, men and non-binary genders alike. As far as they were concerned, Yutaka was straight. Yuu and Akira didn't have a problem with it, however, seeing how close all of them were with Takanori and were definitely not the type to judge others. But it was just something Yutaka preferred not to discuss. The only person who knew that secret bit about him was his sister and Yutaka knew he could trust her to keep it to herself. Yes, he _was_ in his early thirties and was an accomplished man from a career point of view, but it was still something very personal for him, having been judged and even ridiculed for it. Even when he lived in Canada, he was still wary about his peers finding out about what he preferred, despite how open people were, so he kept it all to himself.

Yutaka was struggling with his feelings yet again and realized it was indeed a good idea for him to stay home that weekend and avoid interacting with other people. He spent his time in the gym and the spa in his apartment building and relaxed with a good book, all of which helped him keep calm and not panic, as he had a tendency to do so when things were different than what he was used to. To make sure his friends wouldn't come over, he thought of an excuse about him being busy with work, which wasn't technically a lie as he did do some work, but from home. He wanted to be certain he wasn't behind on his projects, especially since he left earlier than normal that Friday.

Come Monday, he became really busy at work as all departments were dealing with month-end and also the end of the fiscal year for their company and everyone had to put in extra hours, Yutaka included. However, what came as a shock to everyone was the fact that their manager was fired earlier that day due to reasons they weren't advised of, which threw all the people in that department in a panic as the manager was the one to finalize everything and put his seal of approval. Without that, all other departments would be delayed in sending in their reports, which meant it was going to be a problem. Yutaka's coworkers, along with himself, were surprised when he was appointed as the acting manager until a suitable replacement was found, but they seemed glad that it was him to be in charge, as they all knew he was capable enough to take on the responsibility. Besides his proven skills, he was liked by his coworkers and even by other people from other departments.

The following two weeks were busy and stressful for him and he had to cancel his meetup with his friends the weekend after that as well, as his new temporary role was fairly demanding, especially during that time of year. He only saw Yuu whenever his friend stopped by to talk about work-related things, not even having enough time to take a proper lunch break. Despite the amount of paperwork he had to do, he was enjoying it all and did not regret being assigned as acting manager, even if it was for a very short time. He wasn't expecting to be given the official role, it hadn't even crossed his mind, knowing there were people senior to him who could take on the role. But he still did his job, seeing what a perfectionist and how goal-driven he was.

One Thursday night, however, when he was reading through the final reports and making sure the numbers were correct, a text message interrupted his focus and he frowned lightly, wondering who was bothering him at that time. He glanced over at the clock on the wall and only then noticed it was close to midnight. He took his glasses off and placed them on the desk, then stretched and even let out a big yawn as he felt he was getting tired, then rubbed his eyes. Yutaka put his glasses back on so he could see and picked his phone up and swiped on the screen, then entered his password and his eyes went wide as he saw who the text was from.

_Uruha: “I hope I got the right number. Kai, right? If you are him, let me know.”_

Yutaka stopped breathing for a split second. He completely forgot about having Uruha's number in his phone with everything that was going on, but what shocked him was the fact that the actor made the first step and – how did he get Yutaka's number?

_Me: “Depends on who's asking. This is a private number, I'm curious how you got it.”_ He held his breath as he waited for a reply-- was that too rude of him? But he had to play dumb and act as if he really didn't know who it was.

_Uruha: “Well... It was written on a piece of paper at an event. I'm pretty sure this number belongs to a certain person I met at said event. Someone who surprised me in a good way and should have this number. Someone really good-looking who won a raffle.”_

_Me: “Uruha-sama??”_ Yutaka bit his lower lip-- Uruha _did_ remember him and it made him immensely happy.

_Uruha: “Ah, so I do have the right number.”_

_Me: “Yes... I apologize, I got caught up in work.”_

_Uruha: “Enough to forget about me? That makes me sad.”_

_Me: “Ah-- no... Long story. But... I'm surprised you remember me!”_

_Uruha: “Of course I do. Who could forget a handsome face like yours?”_ Damn, even through text Uruha made Yutaka feel things and he wasn't sure how to feel about it all.

_Uruha: “Tell me, are you busy right now?”_ The text woke Yutaka up from his daze, his mind now filled with the gorgeous man, a small smile on his lips.

_Me: “Still at work, about to finish up. Why?”_

_Uruha: “I want to see you.”_ Those words definitely made Yutaka blush this time. He couldn't believe it was happening and was on the verge of smiling widely but also panicking because—well, who wouldn't panic when the person they had some form of a crush on wanted to see them?

_Uruha: “There's this place we could go to for a few drinks. What do you say?”_

_Me: “As much as I'd love to, I have to be back in the office early in the morning. What about tomorrow night?”_

_Uruha: “No, it has to be tonight.”_ His words made Yutaka raise an eyebrow and gave him the feeling that Uruha was a bit too insistent about seeing him. But he decided to humour the other and at least meet up with him for a few minutes. He knew he was going to kick himself later if he didn't.

_Me: “Alright. Shinjuku station in half an hour?”_ Yutaka sighed and rubbed his eyes, turning back to his computer to save the work and decided he'd finish it the next morning after he got some rest.

_Uruha: “See you then.”_

Yutaka was tired and deep down he felt a bit bad that he wasn't as excited as he should've been, but it had been a long day and all he wanted to do was to go to sleep in his perfectly soft bed, surrounded by pillows. Once his work was saved, he turned the computer off and tidied his desk, then took his glasses off again and put them in their case, grabbed his belongings and locked the office on his way out.

As his workplace was so close to Shinjuku station, it only took him a few minutes to drive there and stayed in his car until the half hour mark was up, then got out of it and leaned against it, looking absently towards the station. It was late at night, so there weren't many people around or cars on the road that he'd be a nuisance to. While he waited, he played on his phone to keep himself awake, although the weather was pretty cold even for that time of the year and he was certain he couldn't fall asleep while standing there. He only lifted his head when he felt someone stand in front of him, his cologne giving away his identity, so Yutaka looked up at the gorgeous being in front of him, albeit slightly blurry as he was farsighted. He really wished he'd kept his glasses on so he could see Uruha in high definition.

“Have you been waiting long?” Uruha asked in a low, quiet voice and took a drag out of the cigarette he was holding between two fingers. Yutaka was forever going to be mesmerized by the ethereal being standing there and felt his irritation dissipate almost instantly. He shook his head lightly and slipped his phone in his pocket, smiling lightly. Uruha smirked as he reached over to move some hair strands from Yutaka's face.

“I work close to here, so I had enough time to finish up and then come over. I'm sorry, I'm still surprised you wanted to see me.” He chuckled. “But is it alright for you to be out here by yourself? What if someone recognizes you? You'll have a mob following you around.” Just having that image in his head made Yutaka laugh softly as he imagined the taller man running away from a swarm of fangirls and fanboys.

Uruha shrugged and looked at him curiously as the other laughed to himself. “I was more surprised when you didn't text or call me despite having my number. You really are different, aren't you?” Yutaka stopped laughing and looked at the taller one, who had a raised eyebrow as he regarded him.

“What can I say, I'm not a stalker. Besides, I didn't know what to say if I were to text or call you.” And it was true: despite his crush on the raven-haired, he was bad at things like that. “And... well, work got really busy. They gave me more responsibility and I couldn't say no to my higher-ups.” He palmed his pants and jacket to see where he put his pack of cigarettes, then pulled it out once he found it, pressing a white stick between his lips. But when he was about to light it, Uruha was faster and offered him his turned on lighter. Yutaka glanced at him, then leaned in to light his cigarette. “Thank you.”

“You're a hard worker, hm?” Yutaka shrugged lightly at that. “You really are an intriguing man, Kai. It kind of turns me on.” With a smirk, he took a step closer and put one hand on Yutaka's car, leaning on it as his face got gradually closer to the shorter man's. “You're not an easy man to get, that I can tell.” His voice dropped to a lower tone as he looked straight into the other's eyes.

Uruha's gaze was piercing and Yutaka had to hold his breath for a second as the actor leaned in close. Was he going to kiss him? Because that's the impression he got and it made him feel suddenly nervous. “A-as I said, I'm just a regular guy with a regular job. I'm nothing that special.” He managed out a small smile as he looked up into those piercing eyes: Uruha seemed to have his full makeup on that night and was dressed in all black, something Yutaka found _very_ attractive.

“Oh but you are. You're my next toy.” He smirked and finished his cigarette, throwing the butt on the ground and putting it out, something that seemed to bother Yutaka just a tiny bit.

Yutaka raised an eyebrow as he looked at the other, this time not playing his game. “What makes you say that? How do you know I'll agree to it?” He pulled away from Uruha and stepped over to where the cigarette butt was thrown on the ground, picking it up and walking over a few steps to put it out properly in the ashtray close to the garbage bin. It was a pet peeve of his whenever he saw people doing that.

“We both know you'd like that.”

At that, Yutaka turned back around and walked over to Uruha, stepping close to him and looking up at him. “Maybe. Maybe not.” He smirked at the other, finding the courage to stand up to him. Yutaka was no pushover and could not allow Uruha to toy with him, not at that time of night and after the day he had. He mentally high-fived himself when he saw the surprise on the other's features.

“... I see.” A small grin was present on the actor's face at the challenge. “So you have some fire in you. I like that.” He didn't seem to waste any time and grabbed Yutaka by his tie and pulled him closer, smirking before leaning in to kiss him.

At first, Yutaka tried to push him away, mostly because he was taken by surprise, but he had to admit, those plush lips felt amazing against his own. Before he realized it, he grabbed the front of Uruha's shirt and pulled him closer, kissing back just as hungrily. Uruha wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed him flush against his body, and Yutaka felt his scent enveloping him and flooding his senses in the best of ways. He could taste the nicotine and a sweetness that felt familiar, that tasted almost like... brandy? It didn't matter, because it seemed like a great combination. He remembered he was holding what was now a finished cigarette, but did not want to throw it on the ground like Uruha previously did, so he held onto it like that until they could pull away from each other. But with each passing moment, Yutaka was becoming more and more aroused and by the time he broke the kiss, he was almost breathless.

“You win.” He breathed against Uruha's lips without looking up at him. “My place?” The only reason why he even offered to take it to his place was that he could go to sleep in his own bed and not worry about having to leave Uruha's place – or a hotel, for that matter – and having to rush home to get ready for another workday. Damn that Uruha, he seemed to have a big influence over Yutaka and the latter wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

“Yeah.” Was the only answer Yutaka got and looked up to see his expression mirrored on the other's face: full of want for each other. His black lipstick was still in place, which meant Yutaka had none on his face – bonus points for that.

“Get in, then.” He smirked lightly and pushed the other gently away from him so he could put out his cigarette and then throw it away in the ashtray. He saw Uruha make his way over to the passenger side and gracefully slide in his seat, with Yutaka following right after, getting in the driver's seat.

“You have a nice car.” The shorter man glanced over to the passenger seat and gave the man a small smile.

“Thank you. I've had her for a few years now, but I love her.”

“Her?” the actor raised an eyebrow, seemingly amused at the fact.

“Yes. The only woman in my life.” He chuckled softly as he started the engine and soon drove away.

The drive to Yutaka's place was fairly relaxed, with the two men just chatting as if they were old friends, and seeing how late it was and how tired he was, Yutaka wasn't feeling nervous about what he knew was going to happen. Just being able to talk with Uruha in such a relaxed manner made him smile as he still couldn't believe he had him in his car and going to his place _to do things_. It took him about half an hour to get home since there was no traffic and he soon enough found himself parking in the underground of his apartment building.

“We're here.” He announced and got out of the car, waiting for his guest to do the same. Once the car was locked, he quietly lead the way to the elevator and pushed the button that lead to his floor as soon as they were both inside it. He saw a look on Uruha's face that seemed like a mix of surprise and... there was something else there, something Yutaka couldn't place his finger on. But he didn't get to think about it too much as he felt hands gripping his hips and lips against his neck, sucking gently on the skin, which only elicited a quiet moan from the shorter man, fingers curling into Uruha's arms.

When the elevator reached its destination, Yutaka reluctantly pushed Uruha away enough so he could escape his hold and his enticing lips, but grabbed his wrist instead and pulled him out of the elevator and down the corridor to his apartment. He felt arms wrap around his waist and a hot breath against his neck as he fumbled to open the door, letting the two men inside, the door locking itself after them. Before he even had a chance to put his keys away, Yutaka was turned around and felt the same pair of lips crash against his and he willingly kissed back, his fingers working to release the other of his jacket, then his own, and then grabbed the front of his shirt again to guide them both to his bedroom without breaking the kiss.

It was exhilarating to be able to touch and kiss Uruha like that and somewhere at the back of his mind, he wondered how he was so lucky to get to do that. But that thought was soon pushed aside as he felt a hand cup his crotch and lightly rub over it and Yutaka's reaction was to push his hips into that touch. There was enough light coming from the window, so Yutaka didn't bother turning on the light in his bedroom, too busy with undressing the other, who in turn returned the actions, working on undoing Yutaka's tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

It was all developing so fast that Yutaka had no time to even think about it, just going with the flow as they made out and undressed each other. Soon he felt Uruha's long fingers wrap around his length and as soon as he started stroking him, Yutaka felt more and more aroused: who else was lucky enough to sleep with an adult video actor? He parted his legs so that the raven-haired could kneel between them and lean over to kiss him again and while they did that, he reached over to his nightstand and fumbled to open the drawer and search blindly for the lube and condoms he kept there. No way in hell was he going to do this without protection – not that he didn't trust Uruha to be STI free, but it was for his own peace of mind.

Yutaka was normally the one to be in charge, but he figured that letting someone else do it for once would be a nice change and less work for him. And besides, he was already okay with the idea of having Uruha top him, at least this time around. But despite that, he still couldn't give up to the other completely, so to make up for the loss of full control, he grabbed Uruha's hair, tugging lightly on it, only to have the other stop him and pin his hands above his head.

“Not the hair.” Uruha breathed out as he looked down at a very aroused Yutaka.

“Then take the damn lube and condom and fuck me already.” He could not believe he actually voiced his thoughts and the moment those words left his lips, Yutaka turned bright red, which only made Uruha smirk and lean back in to suck on Yutaka's neck.

“I like feisty.” He whispered into Yutaka's ear, giving him goosebumps. Uruha's voice was another thing that turned him on and hoped he could hear more of it. The more the actor touched and kissed him, the more Yutaka wanted him and from him and was slowly becoming addicted to the man.

“Fuck you. Do it or I'll have to take matters into my own hands.” He moaned softly and bit his lower lip at how masterfully his dick was being handled. He reached up and curled his fingers into Uruha's shoulder, needing _something_ to hold onto. But again, his hands were pinned above his head with one hand, Uruha's face mere inches away from his own.

“Be a good boy and keep your hands there. Or I'll have to punish you.”

“Is that a promise?” Yutaka smirked and kept his hands where they were. For now. He licked his lips as he looked up at the gorgeous sight above him and pushed up into Uruha's touch.

When he felt the loss of his fingers from around his length, Yutaka whined quietly, only to have his body tense up slightly and he let out a hiss as he felt a cold finger press against his entrance. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, relaxing his body enough to allow Uruha to prepare him for what was about to come. Luckily, his headboard had bars that he could hold onto and did just that instead of holding his hands above his head as it was tempting to reach out and touch something, _anything_.

Yutaka was becoming impatient as it seemed like Uruha was taking his sweet ass time to prepare him, which was a good thing in his opinion, but he was slowly getting to a point where he needed the other to press inside him and make his way with him. Uruha needed to stop his teasing and get to the real action and he needed to do it _right then._

Uruha leaned over and licked over the red spot on his neck as he positioned himself and pushed inside Yutaka, earning himself a moan from the latter, who instantly wrapped his arms around his neck to hold him like that. Everything about Uruha was intoxicating, from his unique scent, his soft, white skin to his voice and his gorgeous face: Yutaka could lose himself in the feeling and was willing to give himself up completely to the actor, who seemed to know _exactly_ what to do to make him squirm in pleasure and enjoy himself.

It wasn't long until the two were rocking with each other, moans and groans spilling everywhere as they both seemed to be enjoying themselves. However, sometime in the middle of it, Yutaka proposed to switch and was now riding Uruha, holding onto the headboard bars as he rolled his hips and bounced up and down on the other, mesmerized by the beautiful sight beneath him. Uruha seemed to relish the pleasure as well, his hands firm on Yutaka's hips as they moved together.

They went at it for quite a while, slowing down and speeding up so as to make it all last longer, but Yutaka felt he was getting tired and he got to the point where all he wanted to feel was his orgasm overcome him. With Uruha's magical fingers wrapped around his cock, it didn't take him too long to finally reach his climax, his hips still rolling to make the other join him in his release. When Uruha filled him up, it was the greatest thing and Yutaka couldn't help himself but smile, rolling off and lying down next to the taller one, breathing heavily.

As he let his body relax and closed his eyes, he felt an arm slide around his waist and Uruha's body pressing close to his back. “You know... you act like you're such a shy and conservative guy, but... the truth is that you're not, is it? This side of you is hot. I like it.”

Yutaka listened to him speak, but he wanted to shush him and just enjoy it all. It wasn't often that he got to experience something like that and wanted to just bask in it in peace. After several minutes, he reluctantly turned to face Uruha and looked up at him. All he could really see in the faint light were his eyes and pale skin and he randomly wondered if Uruha wore his white contacts day in and day out or if he only wore them in public, but didn't voice his thoughts. “You talk too much, Uruha-sama.” He let out a quiet sigh and closed his eyes again. He wasn't expecting the other to cuddle him – Yutaka wasn't that much of a cuddler himself, but he was up for something new and different. He still had a small, content smile on his lips as he lay there and soon felt gentle patterns being drawn on his back, which only served to make him feel sleepier than he already was.

“We should do this again. It was fun.” He ran his fingers through Yutaka's hair and the only answer he received was a slight nod, soon enough feeling Yutaka's slowed down breathing as he fell asleep. It had been a long and tiring day, but it was a pretty good ending to it and both of them knew it.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's technically Friday, but here's chapter 4!

The next morning after he woke up, Yutaka found the spot next to him empty and almost convinced himself it was just a beautiful dream. But when he rolled over and felt his body ache, he told himself it might not have been just a dream. When he got out of bed, he noticed he was completely naked and chuckled to himself at how silly he was acting, then pulled a house coat on and made his way into the kitchen to turn the coffee machine on so that it was ready for him when he got out of the shower. That's when he noticed a piece of paper on the counter, something that wasn't there the day before. He picked it up, curious about what was written on it and had to squint to be able o read it, not having his glasses with him.

“ _Last night was amazing. We should do it again, hopefully soon. Uruha.”_

His eyes widened as realization hit him that the night before really _did_ happen. He blinked at the note and set it back on the counter, randomly wondering when Uruha left his place – Yutaka was fast asleep right after they had sex and didn't notice the other leave. He turned the coffee machine on and then made his way into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Once inside, he discarded his house coat and stepped closer to the sink so he could brush his teeth and looked up into the mirror, noticing the light bruises on his neck. He turned his head slightly to take a better look and groaned, wondering how he could cover them. He couldn't go to work and have his hickies on display like that for the whole world to see. But then Yutaka got an idea: maybe, just _maybe_ his sister left behind some foundation when she last visited him and he could use that to cover the marks. His other option was to wear a turtleneck shirt, but he didn't really want to as it would look too casual. Yutaka looked around the bathroom to see if he could find the bottle he was looking for, but then soon made his way into the guest room and looked around,, finding what he was looking for in a drawer. He had never worn foundation himself, but had seen how it's applied, so he decided to give it a shot. He made his way back into the bathroom and tried the foundation on his neck, dabbing some on the purple spots: it seemed to do the job and it matched his skin tone, which was a plus. But before he could go ahead and cover it all completely, he stripped naked and jumped into the shower so he could clean himself after the previous night and wake up to face the day.

Yutaka was out of the bathroom in no time, bruises covered and all, and got dressed quickly as the time was just a bit after six thirty. He managed to drink some coffee, taking the rest to go, and grabbed a bite to eat before he had to rush out of the house. He wanted to be at the office early so he could go over the final reports one more time before handing them in. As the deadline was that day around noon, Yutaka wanted to make sure everything was perfect: if everything went well, they could all take a day or two off after doing so much overtime and he was alright with that. Besides, he needed a bit of a breather from everything that was going on.

When he got to the office, it was around seven-thirty. Their normal work day started at nine in the morning, but he was always early, being the eager beaver he was. It didn't take him too long to finish going over the reports, lost in his work, but he acknowledged all his coworkers who came in and bid him good morning. It was around ten when he finished everything and printed off the documents so he could sign them, then locked them in a drawer for the time being. He still had about two hours until the meeting he had to attend took place, so he took this chance to go outside for a smoke to calm his nerves: he never joined a meeting like that and felt slightly nervous to have to present the final report, but he knew he could do it. After all, he helped with all the hard work put in by his whole department.

During the meeting, Yutaka was able to present with confidence the contents of the report, his higher-ups pleased with what they were hearing. It was a fairly long meeting where all the VPs joined to see where the company was standing. At the end, Yutaka was asked to remain behind by the VP of Finance, all the other managers being dismissed, and the reason for that was that they wanted to offer him the position of manager for his department after the good job he did in just two weeks. They all knew Yutaka was a good and very ambitious worker and knew they could trust him with that role. He was taken by surprise, but accepted the promotion: he couldn't refuse it, could he? If he did, it probably would have looked bad on him. With a polite and formal bow, he accepted the role, trying to contain his happiness. He worked hard and was aware of it, so of course he couldn't turn such an offer down.

On his way back to his office, Yutaka talked to his new boss, the VP himself, about various things and even suggested a few changes that he thought would be beneficial for the company and the employees alike, which the latter seemed to take into consideration. Yutaka was just happy that he was able to voice his thoughts on certain matters and hopefully to the right person and maybe get some things changed for the better.

Before he entered the office, he took a deep breath to calm his heart down and try not to smile too much about it. As soon as he pushed through the glass door, he noticed a few heads turn and look at him, but didn't acknowledge them just yet. Once he was at his desk, his regular one, he tried to get everyone's attention so he could briefly explain how the meeting went. But then one of his coworkers asked if Yutaka knew who their new manager was going to be and that's when he became slightly flustered.

“After the meeting, I was offered to take the position officially and I said yes. So um... starting Monday, I will be the new manager.” Yutaka announced, bowing deeply. After a few moments of silence, his coworkers stood up and applauded him, offering their congratulations to him. A couple of them even walked up to him to pat him on the back and said that they should all go out and celebrate, and as they all seemed happy about it, Yutaka accepted the invitation to go with them out for drinks after work.

That day they could leave work earlier, and as promised earlier in the day, Yutaka joined his coworkers and went to a local izakaya. Seeing as there was alcohol involved, he left his car in the company parking lot and walked over to one of the bars close to their office, deciding he would most likely take a taxi home.

It was a fun evening and Yutaka was enjoying himself, playing drinking games and even singing karaoke – although he tried his best to avoid singing as he couldn't sing to save his life. At some point during the night, he remembered he didn't get to tell his friends yet, so he pulled out his phone and messaged them all in their group chat. But before he could even text them, he had to pull out his glasses and set them on his nose as he wasn't wearing contacts that day.

_Leader: Hey guys._

_Shorty: What._

_Bird guy: Y'all I'm busy, make it quick._

_Leader: GUESS WHO THE NEW MANAGER OF MY DEPARTMENT IS_

_Shorty: Lemme guess. Yuu?_

_Leader: What, no-- bro._

_Bird guy: wwww_

_Leader: Speaking of, where is he?_

_Shorty: SPEAKING OF. Where the hell are you, bro?_

_Bird guy: He's flirting with this cute girl who's 10000% falling for his lies wwww_

_Leader: I'm at a bar with my coworkers. SHIT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS I'M NOT COMING OUT TODAY I'M SO SORRY_

_Shorty: You suck bro_

_Leader: I'll make it up to you guys! Party at my place tomorrow?_

_Bird guy: Can Shima-kun come too? He's a lot of fun!_

_Leader: uh... sure?_

_Shorty: Note: I just smacked Kira for asking if MY guy can come. Bro, keep it in your pants._

Yutaka just chuckled at their childish behaviour – one of the reasons he loved his friends. His phone was almost taken away by someone else, but he managed to snatched it back right on time, giving the guy a sweet, almost drunk smile, which only earned him positive reactions from the ladies sitting next to him.

_Leader: As long as you don't have a threesome in my house, we're good. And yeah, Taka, you can bring him along. Looks like Kira's smitten with him hehe_

_Shorty: Great!_

_Flower boy: OI YOU LITTLE SHIT. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE PROMOTION IN PERSON?? I HAD TO FIND OUT THROUGH AN EMAIL??? BRO, NOT COOL_

_Shorty: calm your tits, Yuu. The man's busy being important, unlike you._

_Flower boy: WOW thanks Matsumoto._

_Shorty: Stop calling me that or I'll smack you too, you dumbass_

_Bird guy: Okay, okay children. Don't make mother Yutaka angry, you know how he gets www But yeah, we'll come over tomorrow. Now go have fun with your work people_

_Leader: Thanks Kira. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Lemme know when you're on your way and I'll order food for us. Leader out (time to get wasted ahaha)_

With that, he logged out of the group chat and was about to put his phone away when he felt it vibrate. He stared at the screen in his half-drunk state, reading the text he received from Uruha.

_Uruha: Last night was incredible. I want to see you again tonight._

It took Yutaka a few moments to reply, trying to decide what to answer that didn't give him away. He had to admit, Uruha was right: the previous night was probably one of the best nights he'd had until then.

_Me: I have to agree, it was great! But I can't tonight, I'm afraid. Maybe Sunday?_

_Uruha: Hm... can I at least see you tonight?_

What was it with Uruha and his need to see Yutaka? He really didn't understand. Well, besides the amazing sex they had, he didn't know why the other wanted to see him so soon.

_Uruha: I have a feeling that it's a good idea to see you again tonight._

Yutaka hesitated before he answered back. It was tempting to him to see Uruha again and deep down he felt special that the man of his dreams (he wasn't too far off, honestly) wanted to see him again.

_Me: Okay, I can meet you a bit later by Shinjuku station again. I'm out for drinks with my coworkers now, but I can text you when I leave?_

Right after sending that text, Yutaka realized they haven't called each other yet, only texted; it was just a random thought that crossed his mind.

_Uruha: I'm alright with that. I'll be waiting for your text, then._

Yutaka was happy he was seeing his crush again, but at the same time all he wanted to do after he was done partying that night was to go home and rest. It had been a long two weeks for all of them and they all needed and deserved a break.

By the end of the evening, Yutaka managed to sober up slightly. He could never allow himself to get very drunk in public, not unless his friends were with him so they could look after each other. It wasn't a very far walk to Shinjuku station and the cool air helped him sober up a bit more, but still had that nice buzz going on, which was something that felt like bliss to him. He only stopped by his car to grab his leather jacket out of it and throw it on top of his suit and whatever else he had left in there. Yutaka usually preferred to walk with someone to the station, for safety reasons, especially with the ladies in his company so no one bothered them, but this time he wanted to walk on his own: he didn't want anyone to know what he had going on with Uruha, knowing that if word went out, it would most likely affect his position within the company and he didn't want that, not after all the hard work he had put in.

He laughed quietly to himself at some point during his walk at how funny his female coworkers were in trying to find out who he was texting and why he was smiling and laughing without them and Yutaka found it kind of cute. Even the one girl he had a crush on at one point was trying to gain his attention from what he could tell, but maybe it was just his imagination. Either way, he didn't have a crush on her anymore, although she was beautiful and smart and pretty much his type and besides, she already had a boyfriend, from what he heard from others.

Before he knew it, he was in front of the train station and looked around for a spot to lean against while he waited for Uruha to show up, lighting up a cigarette. Not too long after, he saw a white shape making its way towards him and the closer it got, Yutaka squinted slightly to make sure he saw right. And he really wished he had his glasses with him at that time, but he left them in his car. At least if he were sober, he could most likely tell who the person walking towards him was, but seeing as he was neither sober nor could see very well, he could only guess.

Before he even said anything, he felt a pair of lips on his own, kissing them, and hands gently gripping his waist. He couldn't help but enjoy the touch, even letting out a faint moan – whenever he was inebriated, he felt weirdly more turned on than when he was sober. A hand made its way around the shoulders of the man kissing him, holding him close for a few moments. Despite how annoyed he initially was at how insistent Uruha was sometimes, he couldn't complain about how the latter made him feel.

“You taste better when you smoke. And drink.” Yutaka looked up at Uruha as he spoke, trying really hard to focus on him – he really should have gotten that eye surgery when he lived in Canada. Maybe he could go back and do it.

“You taste good at any time.” A small grin spread on his face as he kept the man there. “But I'm curious about something.”

“What is it?” He closed his eyes when the taller man leaned in to nip lightly on his neck.

“Why are you so taken with me? We haven't spoken in two weeks and now it's the second night you-- _ahh don't kiss there--”_ He bit his lower lip at the pleasurable feeling and tried to focus again on his question. “The second night you want to see me and insisted on it happening.” He managed to finish his sentence and that's when the head lifted from his neck to look at him. Even with his blurry vision, Uruha was a gorgeous sight for his eyes.

“All I've been thinking about for the past two weeks is how you'd feel under my touch and how you'd react to what I do to you. You intrigued me from the moment I saw you and I knew I wanted to know and _feel_ more. I couldn't wait any longer for you to message me, so I took matters into my own hands and found out your number. And I'm certainly glad I did, because you feel so right and you don't whine like others or are clingy.”

“But I'm also not your booty call.” Yutaka traced his fingers lightly over Uruha's jaw as he spoke. Had he been sober, Yutaka would have most likely felt flattered and maybe even blushed at the fact that he was getting so much attention from the other.

“No, but you have to admit that last night was pretty amazing.” A small smirk decorated Uruha's lips as he looked at Yutaka.

“Mm it was, wasn't it?” He chuckled and let his fingers slide down to the collar of Uruha's shirt. “I guess I shouldn't complain, since I'm not looking for a relationship, but I always welcome great sex.” He grinned widely and took a drag out of his almost finished cigarette, releasing the smoke to the side so Uruha wouldn't inhale it. Yutaka took another drag and before he could let it out, he felt lips on his again, sucking the smoke from his mouth, which turned into another kiss. Several moments later, Uruha parted and let the smoke out through his nose, something that Yutaka found oddly fascinating and arousing.

“Then that would work for both of us, wouldn't it? We're two consenting adults who can have some fun together.” As simple as that sounded , Yutaka didn't think it was a bad idea – having sex with one of the hottest porn stars out there was definitely something he'd be into. What are the odds for it happening to other people?

“You have a point there. I'm sure we'll figure out what works for us. In the meantime, I should be going home... if you want to join me, I wouldn't mind.” He smirked and leaned in, pressing a light bite to Uruha's neck, not even leaving a mark. “After all this talk and with you touching me like this, I feel like you owe me an orgasm.” Yutaka knew he was being cheeky, something he seemed to get away with rather easily.

“Oh?” Uruha raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Then let's get out of here. Your place?”

“My place.” he nodded and pushed himself away from the wall. “But we're taking the train because I'm in no condition to drive home.” He ran his finger down Uruha's chest before pulling away from him and walking over to a trashcan to put his cigarette out and throw it away without littering. Even in his drunken state, he still couldn't allow himself to litter.

Soon enough he heard footsteps catching up to him as he walked into the train station, hoping they could still catch the last train going to Harumi. As he looked at the panel, swaying slightly, he felt an arm wrap loosely around his waist and holding him up. Yutaka glanced over and saw Uruha looking up at the train board as well.

“We have to take the Oedo Line to Kachidoki station. Shit-- it's leaving in a few minutes. We should hurry.” Yutaka instinctively took Uruha's hand and rushed over to the terminal, swiping his card quickly through the slot. He waited for the actor to do the same-- but the latter seemed to pay cash instead. He shrugged it off and started walking as soon as the other was through as well. They made it just in time to get on the train right before the doors closed, Yutaka feeling like he was sobering up some more and started laughing softly to himself as they sat down. The car was completely empty except for the two of them.

“What?” Uruha tilted his head to look at Yutaka, curious about the other's behaviour.

“You know... it's actually kind of funny. This whole thing.” He waived his index finger between the two of them. “I mean... I've had a crush on you for a while now and guess who's sitting next to me?” He chuckled again and when he looked up at the other, he realized what he said, his cheeks turning bright red at what an idiot he was. “I-I mean--” Before he could say anything, he felt a finger press over his lips and eyes on him. But then the finger moved, tracing the outline of his lower lip, then down his chin and soon running along his jaw. He was mesmerized by that face and couldn't move his gaze away from it, no matter how hard he tried-- he didn't actually try, though. Not this time, not when that beautiful man was so close to him, and even if his vision was mildly blurry, he could still tell he had gorgeous features.

“You're so innocent and kind and yet, when we're in bed, you're perfect at it. You're more dominant than I gave you credit for.” His voice was low and inviting and Yutaka blinked himself back to reality.

“I usually get what I want, if I want it.” His words came out barely above a whisper, secretly enjoying their little moment. “And if it's one thing I learned, it's that life is short and you need to enjoy it to the fullest.” Yutaka's expression softened and he gently peeled Uruha's fingers from his jaw. “I learned that the hard way.” He chuckled and shook his head, trying to push all his thoughts away, knowing they would lead to nothing good. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment, to rest them, feeling a headache coming on from trying so hard to see without his glasses.

“Those are good principles to live by.” His words earned him a soft nod from Yutaka, who soon opened his eyes again and looked at Uruha, squinting slightly.

Yutaka realized his mood was turning sour, so instead he tried his best to not think about it and instead focus on the ethereal being that was sitting next to him, the one who made him feel all fuzzy on the inside – something Yutaka still wasn't sure how to feel about.

“That's boring talk for when I'm sober.” he chuckled and let his hand trail over Uruha's thigh, his fingers ghosting over the fabric of his pants. “You know what you should do? You should kiss me some more.” He smirked and looked down at the lazy patterns his fingers were now drawing on the other's leg. “They're kind of addicting, not gonna lie.” He looked up when he felt his hair being brushed aside.

“I see the marks I left are not there?” he quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, they're here. That's just the power of a good foundation. I found some my sister left at my place from the last time she visited. I couldn't go to work in full display, you know.” His hand travelled up and Yutaka curled his finger into the other's locks, playing with them, somewhere at chest level.

It wasn't long until they heard the name of their stop and Yutaka pried himself away from Uruha's hold, leading the other out of the train and over to his place. He was quiet most of the way, but as soon as the doors to the elevator closed, he felt himself being pulled close to Uruha's chest and a pair of lips on his, gladly surrendering to the taller man.

What happened next was a repeat of the previous night, with Uruha impatiently touching Yutaka while he tried to open the door and as soon as they were inside, clothes started coming off. In his drunken state, he didn't even care about making sure to hang his clothes properly, Uruha's mouth on him proving to be the best and worst distraction ever.

It was a very short walk from the entrance to the bedroom and by the time they got there, they were both in their underwear, with Yutaka now sitting on the bed, his eyes level with Uruha's crotch. With a smirk, he reached into the taller man's boxers and wrapped his fingers around his now hard length and without even being asked, Yutaka's lips were wrapped around it, sucking and teasing lightly. But before he allowed him to enjoy himself too much, he took matters into his own hands and pulled Uruha to lie down on the bed, something that seemed to surprise him, a reaction with Yutaka relished.

Despite Uruha being the dominator, he looked to really enjoy it when the shorter one took charge and started pleasing both of them. Soon enough he was riding the actor, moans spilling from both of them as they seemed to be having fun together. They changed positions a couple of times, each time feeling better and better until Uruha finally spilled inside Yutaka with one last thrust, both of them falling on the bed, spent from the activity. Before he realized it, he was half lying on top of the taller man as they tried to catch their breaths. After the day he had, Yutaka fell asleep rather fast, his body wrapped around Uruha's loosely as he listened to the other's heartbeat, which was what put him to sleep. It was a beautiful, calming sound and he secretly wished he could hear it more often.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's a bit slow for now. But more things are going to happen soon, I promise!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to find out a bit more about Yutaka :D

The following morning was the same scenario as the day before, when Yutaka woke up to an empty bed. He rolled over and looked at the time, groaning as he didn't want to be awake so early on a Saturday, just after nine. He eventually sat up and rubbed his eyes, yawning at the same time. This time he felt pretty disappointed to wake up alone, wondering why Uruha didn't stay over at least this once. They could've ridden the subway together when he had to go pick up his car and Yutaka could've even made them coffee and breakfast. He stood up and stretched, then walked over to the bathroom to see what damage the other did to him again. As he looked into the mirror, he saw a few new marks, this time on the other side of the neck and lightly touched them. With a sigh, he stripped and jumped into the shower to wash away the soreness in his muscles and help relax his body. Surprisingly, he didn't have much of a hangover-- he probably worked it all off the night before.

After his shower, he went to pull on some comfy clothes that he could wear outside and made sure to put on a turtleneck to hide his marks. He really didn't feel like covering them with foundation again, especially since it dirtied his clothes. Becayse it was cool outside, he decided to wear a scarf or muffler on top to hide the bruises better. Yutaka soon made his way into the kitchen to make himself some coffee and some toast for breakfast when he noticed another note.

_I can't wait to see you again. -- Uruha_

He sighed again and put the note in a drawer, where the previous one was, and started brewing his coffee. He was in a weird mood that day and knew he had to feel better by the time his friends came over so they wouldn't ask him questions that he didn't want to answer.

Within an hour he left his apartment so he could retrieve his car, knowing he'd need it for Monday. It didn't bother him when he had to take the subway, but he preferred the comfort of his own car, especially when he knew he had to stay late at the office, something which he had an idea was going to happen more and more. But it was worth it; Yutaka worked hard to get where he was and he couldn't slack off even one bit. But that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun either.

It was just after eleven in the morning when he finally reached his car and got inside it. He drove off, but then remembered he had to do a grocery run, so he stopped on the way somewhere at a store to get the food he needed and even alcohol.

“Yutaka, is that you?” He heard a feminine voice call out his name as he was browsing, immediately recognizing it. He turned around only to see a petite woman standing in front of him with a questioning look on her face. He felt a knot in his throat as he looked at her.

“S-Saori?” His eyes widened slightly as he regarded her. It had been a very long time since he last saw the woman who left him with a broken heart. “It's... been a while.”

“It has...” She smiled lightly and tucked a few locks behind her ear as she looked up at him. The last time Yutaka saw her she had blonde hair and looked like she was trying too hard to look good. But she was beautiful now with her long, chocolate brown hair, barely any makeup on and even her nails had a decent length and were done in nude colours. Her outfit looked like it fit her a lot better than the short skirts and heels she used to sport. He had to admit, she was more beautiful than he remembered.

“What are you doing here? I thought you moved to the States.”

“I came back! Actually... I came back a few months after I left. I wanted to call you, but I could never reach you...” She pouted lightly and Yutaka thought that was one of the cutest looks he'd seen on her.

“Ah... After you left, I... changed my phone number and moved to Shibuya. Well, I don't live in Shibuya anymore.” He chuckled lightly and rubbed the back of his neck, accidentally revealing some of the bruises on his neck, which seemed to catch her attention as she glanced over at them.

“I guess you're seeing someone?” Her expression changed slightly and Yutaka picked up on that, but panicked lightly as he quickly covered his neck again. However, he couldn't figure out what her look meant.

“I uh... kind of? It's just a casual thing.” He shrugged, hoping to get her off the topic. He didn't really like to talk about it, but his heart still longed for that woman and it all came back to him, making him wonder if he still had feelings for her or if they were just sweet memories. “But look at you! You're more beautiful than I remember.” He smiled lightly at her, which in turn made her smile wider.

“You think so? I decided to become a proper lady, hoping to meet you again and impress you.” She laughed softly, covering her mouth. Was she flirting with him? Yutaka couldn't really tell, but he had a feeling she was.

“Ah... Well, you have now.”

“That is true! Are you still working for Shimoda-san?”

“No... I left the company a few years ago and was hired by Sumitomo-Mitsui. I've been working there for about... four years now?” Her smile seemed to grow slightly wider as she heard that name, but Yutaka paid no mind to it. “What about you? You look very different from the Saori I used to know. In a good way.”

“Ah! I actually started working for a small beauty and skincare company. I just finished work and decided to get some groceries.”

“I see... Do you live close? I could give you a ride home, if you want.”

“Are you sure? That would be lovely! That way we can chat some more. I live near-by, I'm renting a small place.” She smiled again and Yutaka thought he was going to melt. Her smile was always something he loved about her.

“Yes, I'm sure.” He couldn't help but feel happy that he bumped into the woman, despite how their relationship ended all those years ago. He had a feeling she was a different person and he knew he was. Who knows, maybe their love could be rekindled. Yutaka shook his head lightly to rid himself of those thoughts: he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe she was married or in a relationship, he didn't know. Not yet, at least.

They continued chatting about trivial things as they picked up the last of their items and proceeded to check out. He had to admit, he still enjoyed her presence, despite the fact that they haven't spoken in about five or so years.

As promised, Yutaka gave her a ride home, which was indeed very close to the store they went to and helped her with her groceries, carrying them up to her door. He was a gentleman, after all.

“Why don't you come in for some coffee? We could continue talking.” She asked as she fished out her keys so she could unlock the door.

“I'm afraid I can't. I have the gang coming over later today and I was going to cook for them.”

“Ah...” She nodded lightly, looking like she was thinking about something. “How is everyone? I think I saw Akira on my way to work one day. He seemed like he was in a rush. I miss them all too.”

“They're doing pretty well. Yuu works for the same company I do, he's an auditor for small businesses, Kira is managing his own company now. He has only a couple of employees, but he's happy with it. And Taka finally opened the tattoo shop he always wanted and he seems to be getting into fashion design now too, so he has his hands full as well.”

“What about you?” She smiled sweetly at him and finally opened the door, taking the bags from Yutaka's hands and setting them inside.

“I uh... I recently got promoted at my job.” He shrugged lightly as if it wasn't something exciting – although he was thrilled with his new role. He noticed her eyes going slightly wider and chuckled. “It's nothing fancy. Just more work.”

Her expression softened into a smile and she took a step closer to him. “You're doing well for yourself, I'm happy for you.” To his surprise, she wrapped her arms around him loosely, hugging him. She then looked up and grinned lightly before pressing a quick peck to his chin. At that, Yutaka just chuckled quietly as he looked at her. “We should exchange numbers and go out for coffee someday.” Saori spoke as she let him go.

“Sure! Here's mine.” He pulled out his phone to look up his number so he could share it and she did the same, unlocking her device so she could write it down. Once they shared their contacts, Yutaka slipped his phone back in his pocket. “I should get going. I have to set up camp for these guys, since we have someone new in our group. But it was nice seeing you again!” He smiled softly at her. But before he could say anything else, she stepped closer to him and smiled.

“It was. And... if it's only casual what you have, then I'm allowed to do this.” with a small smirk, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, leaving a stunned Yutaka to just stand there. But he couldn't help himself and kissed back lightly – she tasted the same as he remembered, sweet like honey. He unconsciously wrapped an arm loosely around her waist, deepening the kiss just enough for her to smile into it.

When she pulled away and smiled up at him, almost smirking, Yutaka couldn't help but pull her closer and kiss her, this time taking the lead. It was a daring and passionate kiss, as if it was their last, and he enjoyed every second of it. Several moments after, however, he managed to break the kiss and whisper against her lips. “I should go. B-but I'll call you.” He slowly let her go and took a step back.

“I'll be waiting.” With a sweet smile, she entered her apartment and closed the door behind her.

Yutaka lingered for a few more moments, staring at the metal door before walking back to his car with his heart almost jumping out of his chest and his thoughts going a mile a second. What did that kiss mean? Did she still have feelings for him? Did _he_ still have feelings for her? Yutaka didn't know, but he knew he needed to figure things out before he got ahead of himself. And what if things with Uruha evolved into something more? Although that was highly improbable, you could never know, just like how Yutaka didn't know what went through the actor's mind when it came to what they had going on.

He hurriedly made his way back to his car and got inside, sitting there for a few moments to attempt to clear his head, but it didn't work. So instead, he drove off as he had to get back home before the others showed up.

His drive home was full of 'what if's: what if they hadn't broken up? What if he had followed her and asked her to come back? What if things worked out between them? All those questions were followed by 'should've's: he should've tried harder to keep her with him. He should've done more, loved her more... But it all ended with a sudden 'I'm leaving' before she never set foot back into Yutaka's life again. Not until now, five or so years after they broke up and Yutaka had focused more on himself and his career in that time. And why now, out of all times? When things were going well at work and he was having _amazing sex_ , mind you, with an ethereal being by the name of Uruha. Speaking of which, what would happen to them? Would he have to give it up so he could be with Saori? He wasn't sure that he even wanted that and was certain he was overthinking, as always. Yutaka turned on the radio to listen to some music and try to rid his mind of those thoughts, he had some entertaining to do that day and needed to be in his best shape for it. He couldn't let his thoughts consume him, not before enjoying his night with his friends – he could always worry about it all the next day as he was most likely going to nurse a hangover.

After he parked and while on the elevator on his way up to his place, he couldn't help but think about all the events of the past several weeks. It felt like all the positive events – he wasn't sure about Saori yet, but still counted their meeting as a some sort of good omen – started when he met Uruha. Did that mean that the man was a human good-luck charm? He chuckled to himself at the thought of it, imagining the actor dressed up like a protective charm, although traditional Japanese fabric would look amazing on his skin. The thought only made him wonder if he ever saw Uruha in a yukata or kimono. That was something he needed to look into, because the image in his head made him feel all hot inside and out. Even when he wasn't present, he managed to make Yutaka feel flustered.

It wasn't long until he started making something quick to eat for himself before everyone else arrived and after that he set out a few bowls with snacks. He knew his friends well and knew they'd complain of hunger. Which was why he was going to order pizza for everyone, but the snacks went well with their drinks to sort of slow them down so they could enjoy. Once Yutaka heard the buzzer, he walked over to the door and looked at the intercom to see who it was and the first one to arrive was Yuu. Not too long after him, Akira showed up with extra booze and finally, Takanori and Kouyou arrived last, about fifteen minutes after the other two. The first two men had already made themselves at home, with each of them holding a beer and Yuu monopolizing the bag of popcorn Yutaka bought earlier. He was surprised when Kouyou offered him a gift, but took it nonetheless, not wanting to be rude, which was a congratulatory little something for the promotion he received at work, as the taller man explained.

Once everyone was settled in and pizza was on the way, Yutaka pulled out the Cards Against Humanity game so they could all play and have some fun – and of course, there was also a lot of alcohol involved.

Surprisingly, no one asked Yutaka why he was wearing a turtleneck, well, not until he made his way over by the kitchen area to grab a glass since he was changing from beer to something stronger. Yuu followed right after, wanting the same thing, when he pulled down on Yutaka's turtleneck, exposing his bruised skin. The action made Yutaka gasp and pull away with a shocked expression on his face, looking at a confused and startled Yuu, whose expression was changing into a smug smile.

“Who's the girl?” He smirked and leaned on the counter as he watched Yutaka's flushed face.

“I-- no one you know.”

“Come on, Yuta~ You know you have to tell me, right? Is she pretty at least? Is she into that... BDSM stuff that you like?” Yuu wiggled his eyebrows at him and Yutaka looked away, shaking his head.

“N-not really...” As he glanced away from Yuu, he saw Kouyou now leaning against the counter that divided the kitchen area from the living room, pretending not to listen as he poured himself some whiskey. That part of his apartment had an open concept kitchen, dining and living area, so there weren't any walls between them, except for that half-wall that also served as counter space with cupboards underneath. “But... I bumped into Saori today.” He changed the subject, looking back at his friend and tried his best not to look over and stare at Kouyou, another handsome man to join their ranks.

Yuu was shocked to say the least, just standing there like a statue and staring at Yutaka. “... did I hear right? Did you just say 'Saori'?” His voice was quiet and Yutaka nodded meekly, glancing over at Kouyou, who looked confused. Yuu then followed his gaze and looked over at their new friend. “Saori is Yuta's... ex-girlfriend.” He explained, getting a nod in understanding in return.

“Fiancee, actually. My ex-fiancee.” He glanced over to the taller man, than back at Yuu, whose mouth was almost hanging open by now.

“You even _proposed_ to that little witch??” As soon as he raised his voice, he gained the attention of the other two men in the room, who turned their heads to look over at them.

With a faint nod, Yutaka poured himself his drink and took a sip out of his glass, feeling his cheeks heat up both from the alcohol and the fact that he had the attention of all of them on him.

“What happened?” Takanori asked, leaning over the back of the sofa to look at them questioningly.

“Your _dear friend_ Yutaka here bumped into Saori today.” Silence lay over the room, except from the low noises coming from the TV. “And now he mentions he actually _proposed_ to her before she left him.”

“... come again?” Takanori raised an eyebrow as he shifted his gaze from Yuu to Yutaka.

“Did you do it on purpose or randomly bumped into her?” Akira's words came out next as he eyed their tomato red friend. Takanori looked at him with an expression that said 'what the hell'.

“Wh—no! I randomly bumped into her while doing my groceries. But she looked... different... _beautiful_.”

“Did _she_ give you those?” Again, Akira spoke up, pointing to the now visible marks on his neck.

Yutaka shook his head. “These are from... someone else.”

“Don't contact her again.” All eyes shifted to Takanori as he frowned lightly, his voice low and quiet – never a good sign. “She left you without a proper apology or reason why. Although we all know what a gold-digger and skank she is. And now that I know you even proposed to her and she _still_ left... I just want to snap her neck.” His eyes darkened as he narrowed them, looking in Yutaka's direction.

“Nori, don't-” Yutaka attempted, but was cut off by Takanori's raised hand.

“Let me stop you right there. She is all that and we all know it. I hate her and I don't even want to hear her name. She's trash to me.” He eyed Yutaka as he spoke.

“Why... is it so bad that he saw her again?” Kouyou asked quietly from his spot, observing the other men and looking at them confused.

“That woman left Yuta because he wasn't rich. She broke his heart and we almost los--”

“Don't.” Yutaka warned quietly, looking over at Takanori. He did not want Kouyou to know of what he almost did when he lost the woman he loved. They weren't that close, not yet at least. “I'm going out for a smoke.” His voice was quiet as he pushed past Yuu and made his way into the hallway, grabbed his pack of cigarettes and went out on the balcony, where he had access to from his bedroom. He really didn't need to feel ganged up on by his friends, especially when it came to his feelings and who he chose to be with. Although he couldn't deny they were right.

Not long after, as he was enjoying his cigarette and trying not to panic too much – sometimes thinking about Saori did that to him – he saw Takanori come out on the balcony, lighting up a cigarette as well without a word.

“I'm sorry, Yuta. I didn't mean to say all that. I just get really angry whenever I hear her name because we almost lost you and it would've been her fault. You guys are my family besides being my friends and I don't want to lose any of you.” He spoke up a few moments later and looked at Yutaka apologetically, the latter still looking away. There was silence between them for several moments and just when Takanori opened his mouth to say something, Yutaka spoke first.

“For the longest time I shared your feelings. I thought I hated her for leaving just like that, but... when I saw her today... She looked different. She looked like she got her life together. And I thought I was finally over her, but when I saw her, I remembered the good times I had with her.” As he spoke, he looked for his phone and pulled it out, looking for the woman's social media profile to show his friend. “Look.” Takanori took the phone and looked at the photo presented to him with a sour look on his face.

“I'll admit, she's prettier now. But I don't trust her. How do I know she won't do the same thing again? You need to be careful around her, Yuta. Women like her never change. She'll only date you until she finds the next guy she can leech off of. Things end for a reason.” Takanori sighed softly and looked at his friend, giving the phone back.

“I know, but...” He nibbled lightly on his lower lip, wondering if he should tell his friend more. In the end, he knew Takanori would find out eventually. “I uh... she kissed me, Nori. And it felt so _good_. I just--” He sighed softly. “I don't know if I have feelings for her or not, I'll be honest. Yes, it's been five years, but... I loved her and wanted to marry her. I thought we were going to be together forever.” His heart was heavy with sadness as he thought about what good relationship they had until she left. Or so he believed. When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked over at his friend. “Every inch of me is screaming to see her again, but I know I shouldn't.”

Takanori listened as his friend explained, empathizing with him. “I think you shouldn't. But I know you need closure, so... maybe meet her out for coffee, in a public place, and talk. Find out what you need to.”

“But what if I realize I want what we had?” Yutaka's almost desperate look made Takanori look at him sadly.

“Well...” he licked his lips, trying to voice his thoughts. “Didn't you say you got those from someone else? Why not try with that person?” He pulled his hand away and leaned against the wall, away from the railing. “Or let me ask you this: If you slept with that person, who did you enjoy sex more with? That skank or whoever it is you're seeing now? Which, by the way, I need to know who it is.”

Yutaka saw a small smirk on his friend's face and couldn't help a small smile. “It was... _amazing_ , Nori. I haven't had such great sex in... a long time. But I can't tell you who it is. We're both keeping it low because that person is sort of a celebrity.” His small smile turned into a smirk as he finished his cigarette, but then it faltered. “But... I don't know if I'll be able to even have a relationship with that person. I can't tell you why right now... plus, Saori was my fiancee...”

“Look at me.” Takanori mumbled as he gripped Yutaka's chin and pulled his face in his direction. “If you really want a relationship, we'll help you find someone who's a good person. I don't want her in your life again, Yuta. She hurt you enough. Besides, I'm sure that if she knows how well off you are now, she'll only be interested in your money. We're all looking out for you. You were always there for us when we needed it and of course we'll all be there for you.”

“Thanks, Nori... You guys are great.” He smiled lightly at his friend who finally let go of his chin. “Speaking of... I still don't know what the deal with you and Shima-kun is. You never gave me details.” He changed the subject, not really wanting to talk about it anymore; he had a lot to think about.

“Ah--” The shorter man blushed faintly and looked inside the living room, since the glass wall extended over to the bedroom and they were able to see inside both rooms. “He uh... he's a good guy. I don't know if things will work out between us because we're both stubborn and proud. Plus, you know me. I'm not looking for a relationship. I have too many things to deal with, but it's nice to have someone to take off the edge, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh god, Nori.” Yutaka laughed at that.

“I also don't know much about him and when I try to pry some information out of him, he changes the subject and that irks me. I guess we're sort of friends with benefits? “ The younger man shrugged lightly. “Kira seems to like him a lot and they always text each other. It's kind of funny.”

As Takanori continued, Yutaka couldn't help but smile at him and laugh softly every now and then when his friend said something that amused him. He didn't mind having a new addition to their group of friends as long as it wasn't at Takanori's expense. Just like he said, Yutaka was always there and always protected them all as much as he could as he considered them family, not just friends.

After smoking another cigarette, they went back inside, with Yutaka being in a better mood and the tension between them all had dissipated. Takanori flopped between Yuu and Akira, deciding to bother the two as he leaned against the latter and placed his legs on the former's lap, both whining at him, which made the other two laugh as Yutaka sat down next to Kouyou, who was watching the three amused.

Soon enough the pizza guy arrived and Yutaka tipped him pretty well. His friends were all excited about it and half of the food was gone in a matter of minutes, with everyone scarfing down on it. They also resumed their game, but not before making sure they had enough drinks around them so they wouldn't have to get up. When the game ended with Kouyou winning, the usual winner, Yuu, pretended to whine and pout about it, eliciting laughter from all his friends. He wasn't really a sore loser, but it was funny seeing him lose a game he was good at. After that was done, Yutaka turned on the TV on some random channel for background noise as his friends got into a debate about... well, Yutaka wasn't even sure at that point as he had zoned out when they started talking about it.

A few hours and a lot of drinks later, Yutaka managed to get Yuu and Akira to go to sleep, the bed and futon being already prepared for the two in the guest room, while Takanori went on his own accord, with Kouyou's help, to lie down in the master bedroom. Normally he'd take his own bed and let his friends sleep in the guest room and living room, but he figured since Takanori and Kouyou were a couple of some sort, he could give up his bed for a night. Besides, despite how much alcohol he'd had, he didn't feel sleepy just yet. After all the lights were off, Yutaka pulled the curtains away more so he could look at the beautiful night view. It always seemed to calm him down and soothe him, so he enjoyed doing that whenever he couldn't sleep.

Yutaka was sitting on the floor cross-legged close to the window, holding a water bottle in his hands as he looked out at the night scene in front of him, his mind somewhere else. He didn't notice someone else was in the room with him until he felt him sit down next to him.

“It's a gorgeous view.” Yutaka turned to see who it was, only to be met by Kouyou's profile, his face mostly hidden under his hair, which surprised him. Luckily, he was wearing his glasses this time and could see him better.

“It is... Sometimes I just like to sit here or in the bedroom and look outside. In the summer I usually put a chair outside on the balcony and enjoy it. It's really calming.” His voice was soft and his expression softer as he turned his attention back to the window.

“I can see why.” Kouyou looked over at him and Yutaka caught the soft smile and expression on his face as he glanced over, which in turn made him smile lightly.

“You know... when I first met you in the bar, you reminded me of someone. So uh... if I stared, I'm sorry.” He chuckled softly and shook his head, looking away from the taller man. “You look a lot like an actor I like. His name is Uruha, not sure if you ever heard of him.”

“I actually get that quite a lot, surprisingly. But we're two different people.” He sipped his beer and looked over at Yutaka again. “I heard he's a bit of an ass.” That comment made Yutaka snort before chuckling.

“I don't know about that, but I think he's a good guy. He's really good-looking too.”

“Have you met him?” As Kouyou asked him that, Yutaka almost choked on his water as he took a sip. “Are you okay?” He lightly pat his back to help with the cough, amused.

“I guess you could say that...” A small smirk appeared on his face, though it probably went unnoticed by Kouyou as the room was dark, save for the light coming from outside.

“What makes you like him? Or maybe you have the hots for him?” At Kouyou's teasing – did he take after Yuu?? - Yutaka looked over at him in shock, blinking. He wanted to kick himself, feeling a small blush creep in his already red cheeks.

“I-I uh... n-no? I mean... I just think he's great.” He chuckled nervously as he looked away and took another sip of his water. He couldn't confess to Kouyou, someone he barely knew, about his crush on Uruha. When he looked back at him, he saw the other looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes, studying him. “Hm?”

“Are you... into guys too, Yutaka-san? It's okay if you are. I'm just curious.”

“Wh--” He couldn't even speak, he was that shocked. Where did that question come from all of a sudden?? “I-” He looked back at the window, debating on what to do. With a sigh, he gave up. He was too drunk to care anyway. “Please, _please_ don't tell the guys. They don't know. But... yes. I actually don't care about gender, I care about how a person is. When I lived in Canada I dated people of all genders, some nice, some... not so nice. But Japan is different. Nori can be who he is and be accepted because in his line of work he meets people from the LGBT community and no one judges him. I work for a prestigious bank and... it's not as easy. It's a pretty strict environment and I'm afraid that if they knew, my job could be on the line. I worked too hard to get where I am to lose it all now over something like my personal life.” The alcohol in him allowed him to go on a short rant that ended with a soft sigh. Kouyou seemed to listen to him, but said nothing until he finished.

“I understand that you have to hide this from your workplace, but... why not tell your friends? I mean, they accept Nori as he is. I'm sure they'd accept you the way you are too. You've been friends for so long...”

“I... don't know. It's not something that really came up?” He shrugged lightly.

“In over ten years of friendship?” Kouyou rose an eyebrow, but it could be barely seen under his bangs and the thick, black rimmed glasses he was wearing.

Yutaka shrugged again. “Maybe I'll tell them someday. I don't feel ready yet. Plus, it's not like I'm dating the guy. We're just... having fun.” A faint, but somewhat sad smile graced Yutaka's lips as he pulled his legs to his chest and hugged them, leaning his chin on his knees. “I don't think it'll lead to anything more than that. We're both busy people and he's... out of my league.” He smiled bitterly. “I don't know why I'm telling you all this.”

“Maybe... you should talk to him about it?”

“And say what? 'Oh, Uruha-sama, I really like you and I think we should be together'.” The moment those words left his mouth, he looked at Kouyou in shock. He couldn't believe he said the name out loud and was mentally kicking himself, his face turning beet red. He opened the mouth to say something to an equally shocked Kouyou, but then looked away. “Pretend you didn't hear that.” Yutaka fell silent, trying not to panic. He was gripping the fabric of his pants tightly, his knuckles almost white, mentally berating himself.

After a few moments of silence, Kouyou was the one to speak up. “He's a person too, he's not a god. I'm sure he'd at least consider it? I mean, you're handsome, smart, caring, kind... who wouldn't like someone like you?” His tone was soft as he spoke, looking over at Yutaka.

“It's... not that easy. I can't demand anything of him. I have a dumb crush on him, that's all. Though... sometimes I wish I woke up to his sleeping form next to me than an empty bed.” He mumbled his last sentence and buried his face in his knees, covering his head with his arms. “I'm sorry. I don't usually complain about stuff like this. You're just... easy to talk to.” In a way, Yutaka felt relieved that he could talk to someone about it, as it was weighing on him.

“Don't worry about it. If you need to talk to someone, you can always call or text me. I like you guys, you're really close to each other and it's endearing. I hope my daughter will have close friends like you guys. I'd love that.” A soft smile appeared on his lips as he spoke, Yutaka turning to him in surprise.

“You... have a daughter?”

“Nori didn't tell you? I guess he's not very fond of children, so I'm not that surprised he didn't tell you. I do, she's turning six and her name is Hinako. Her mother named her that.” Yutaka noticed the tinge of sadness in his words, despite his small smile.

“What... what happened to her mother?” He asked quietly, unsure if he should have.

“She passed away about five years ago. My sister is helping me raise her, so she has some sort of motherly figure in her life.” He looked over at Yutaka and smile softly. “You don't need to pity me, Yutaka-san. We're doing well.”

“I'm not pitying you... I'm just surprised. I never thought you were married. I'm... sorry to hear about your wife.” Yutaka realized he was too drunk too talk about anything that sad, but couldn't just drop what they were talking about. “But I'm sure you're a great father. You seem to be.” He smiled lightly, trying to lift his spirits up a bit.

“Thank you, I'm trying to be.” He gave the other another small smile before returning his attention back to the window. “Can... can I ask you something? If it's too personal, you don't need to answer.”

“Sure, go ahead.” He rested his head on his knees and looked over at Kouyou.

“May I ask what happened with your ex-fiancee? I'm just curious why Nori was so mad about it.”

Yutaka watched him for a few moments, debating if he should tell him or not. But he already knew about Yutaka's secret, so he felt it wasn't a big deal to talk about his ex.

“Well... what happened was that I was in a relationship with her for about two years. But I was blinded by her beauty and sweetness and how she knew how to manipulate me. I loved her or... so I thought and wanted to marry her, so I proposed. I never told the guys until now about that part, though. The day after I proposed, I got a text from her telling me she's breaking up with me and that she was on her way to the airport. She left that day with another guy and moved to America and I haven't heard back from her until I bumped into her today.” He ended his short story with a sigh and looked out the window again. He smiled lightly when he saw the sun slowly rising. Yutaka love sunrises and sunsets and he could watch them forever without getting bored.

There was silence for a few moments before Kouyou spoke up again. “Why would you want to see her again, though? Since she broke your heart like that...”

At that, Yutaka looked over at him again and shrugged. “I don't know. She seemed more put together.” As he said that, he looked around for his phone and unlocked it once he found it, looking her social media profile up again. Once he found a recent photo of her, he turned the screen into Kouyou's direction so he could show him how she looked like.

“She's... really pretty. You have good tastes, Yutaka-san.”

“I clearly don't.” A bitter chuckle left his lips. “But to answer your question... maybe I want some sort of closure? I'm not entirely sure.” He let out a quiet sigh and glanced at the photo before putting his phone away. “The guys keep saying that she left me because I wasn't rich. I wasn't poor either, but I was working hard to get, well, where I am now, but she didn't stay by my side. The guy she left with was or still is some sort of celebrity and she was always in love with the idea of dating someone famous. All I ever wanted was someone to care enough about me to spend their life with me and I thought she was the one.” Yutaka didn't know why he was so candid with the other and why he was telling him all of that, but he felt comfortable enough around him, plus he was bound to find out sooner or later, so he preferred to be the one to tell his own story rather than have Kouyou find out from his friends.

“She didn't deserve you, then. You're a kind and caring man, I can tell just by how you talk about others and how you are with your friends. I believe that things happen for a reason and the fact that she left you when things were getting rough only tells me that you're probably not meant to be together.” Yutaka chuckled nervously as the other praised him, looking away from him.

“I guess you might be right. I want to meet up with her just to see if I still have feelings for her or not.” He shrugged and remembered the kiss he shared with her and how hungry they were for each other. He knew he could've devoured her right there and then and that made him feel slightly guilty. He saw Kouyou nod, from the corner of his eye, and smiled lightly as the sun rose just a bit more. “I love sunrises. They're so beautiful. One time when I still lived in Canada I went with a friend up on a tall building so we could watch the sunrise and it was gorgeous. There's something calming about them. My mother used to love them and she loved sunsets too, so we'd go to the beach and watch the sunset when I was a child.” He had a soft, but sad smile adorning his lips and was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder, turning to the other, only to see a soft, understanding look on his face.

“You should get some sleep, Yutaka-san. You look tired and I have a feeling you were up early, seeing what a busy day you had.” Surprisingly, it didn't bother Yutaka when the other touched him. He wasn't generally a fan of being touched unless the person was a friend or family. Well, Kouyou was a friend, but they had only spoken maybe twice since the honey blond joined their little group. And yet, he found his touch comforting.

“I will. I just want to watch this sunrise.” He smiled lightly again before looking out the window at the sky that was slowly being painted in reds and oranges, the dark blue of the night sky slowly dissipating. Before he realized it, Yutaka was dozing off, the room being quiet and the rising sun warming him up with its gentle morning rays. He was tired and still somewhat drunk and needed rest. He was fast asleep in a matter of minutes and when Kouyou poked him gently to see if he's still awake, it didn't bother Yutaka from his now deep slumber.

“Sleep well.” The honey blond whispered and gently caressed a few strands of Yutaka's hair out of his face before gently picking him up and laying him on the couch, covering him with a blanket. He looked down at the brunet and at his sleeping face, pressing a lithe kiss between his brows to soften the frown decorating them, which seemed to help. With a small smile, he walked over to the curtains and looked outside one more time before pulling them closed so their host could get some sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand things get complicated ahaha


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're slowly getting there!

The following day nothing interesting really happened. Just after one in the afternoon, Yutaka was woken up by Yuu, who flopped down rather unceremoniously next to him, earning a whine and a pillow smack from his host. The raven-haired lay down on the other side of the couch and fell asleep again, the room being nice and dark and stopped bothering Yutaka. But when Akira woke up and went over to the kitchen to make coffee , the two on the couch woke up quite fast at the smell of the dark, hot drink, and were soon joined by the couple in the bedroom merely fifteen or so minutes later.

As usual, they spent the day after their night of drinking together, trying to recover for the upcoming work week. Yutaka was happy having his friends around, it made him feel appreciated and less lonely. He liked to keep himself busy all the time so he wouldn't think about his relationship status – or lack thereof – as it could easily bring him down. After the fiasco with Saori, he promised himself he would stay away from relationships for a while and he kept his promise, having only had sex with random people – mostly women – and not getting himself too emotionally involved. Besides, he was a hard worker and preferred focusing on his work than his own feelings. His friends were all pretty much the same as him, except for Yuu, who always complained that no one loved him despite women flocking to him. The thought alone amused Yutaka to no end.

Being the earnest man he was, Yutaka went to work early on Monday morning, well before everyone else got there, wanting to get some stuff done. He also bought coffee for everyone to thank them for their hard work over the past few weeks and for working together with him to better their results. It felt weird sitting at the manager's desk, but promised himself he would do his best and be a good leader for his coworkers. Despite being promoted, he still felt like one of them and not above them and hoped things wouldn't get to his head over time.

The week went by without a hitch and Yutaka got so drawn into what he was doing that all he did was work, sleep and eat. At one point he considered calling Uruha to see if he was up for some fun, hoping to blow off some steam, but in the end he never did and was surprised when the actor didn't text him or call him at all. He was usually the one who initiated things and Yutaka didn't mind it one bit. Truth be told, he liked the attention he was getting from such a gorgeous man, even if it was just for sexual pleasure.

However, sometime towards the end of the week, he received a text from his ex, asking if they could meet up, which took Yutaka by surprise. He completely forgot about her and-- and that kiss they shared. Thinking back on what his friends told him, they were probably right – he shouldn't even think of seeing her again after everything that happened, but he couldn't help it. He was curious to see if she had changed in the five years they hadn't seen each other or if she was still the same. Seeing how much his friends disliked her, he decided not to tell them anything yet, not until he saw her again in a different setting. He agreed in the end to meet up with her the following Sunday, since he had that day to himself.

Just like every weekend, on Friday he met up with his friends at Uncle Joji's and drank for a while, having a good time, before moving the party at Akira's place this time. While there, Yutaka had to admit he was having a lot of fun and Kouyou was proving to be a really funny guy once he warmed up to people. At some point, the subject of tattoos came up and they all ended up showing off their tattoos: Yuu had his family's crest on the side of his torso, and a beautiful watercolour piece of hollyhocks on his opposite hip, as well as a goddess tattoo on his right arm; Akira had one on his lower abdomen to cover a scar and it was a mandala – he did explain the reason and meaning behind it for Kouyou, since he was the only one unfamiliar with the story; Yutaka showed his ankle tattoo and a small flower on his chest, above his heart, but didn't explain what it meant, feeling like it was too personal and depressing to talk about it. Out of all four, Takanori had the most tattoos, with his arms having symbols and quotes littered all over and a beautiful half sleeve decorating his left shoulder, as well as smaller and bigger pieces all across his body. When Kouyou's turn came, he had to strip his shirt to show his back piece, an intricate design of lines and dots – Yutaka found it mesmerizing. He also noticed how toned Kouyou's body was and tried really hard not to stare – though all of them were drunk or on the verge of getting drunk, so it probably didn't matter or they probably didn't care.

He was surprised when Kouyou sat next to him and started chatting him up while the other three were having a deep conversation about... well, Yutaka wasn't sure what they were really talking about. All he knew was that they were being rather rowdy. Somehow, Kouyou ended up showing Yutaka photos of his daughter and the latter thought she was the cutest thing on the planet and clearly resembled her father, mentioning that to him. When the other three saw the dumb smile on his face, they started playfully bullying Yutaka about it – not actual bullying, of course – but Kouyou seemed to be on his side and defended him. It all ended with them laughing at how childish they were all acting and started calling Kouyou 'papa' because he was acting very fatherly.

The night ended with them sprawled all over the place: Akira made sure he went to bed, since he had stuff to do the next day, Yuu took over the futon, being selfish and not sharing, Kouyou was lying on the couch with Takanori pretty much on top of him and Yutaka was at the coffee table, his head resting on his arms as he slept like that. Akira's place was smaller than his, with only one bedroom, as opposed to Yutaka's two bedroom condo, so space was tighter, especially with the addition of another body.

The following day, they decided to go out for brunch before they all had to go their separate ways, with Takanori and Kouyou leaving first, then Yutaka and Yuu, while Akira had to run to a few meetings. Yutaka and his friend chatted for a bit before they each had to get on their respective trains to go home.

Once he got back to his quiet apartment, he realized he wished he had someone else living there too, at least he'd have someone to talk to or even enjoy a meal together. It was still rather early, just a bit before noon, so he decided to call his little sister and talk to her, since he missed her. They usually tried to talk every week, but sometimes it was hard due to both their schedules. Ever since she graduated just under a year prior, she had been busy with work and other projects that picked her interest. It made Yutaka happy to know that she was successful in what she was doing and couldn't help doting on her. When he moved to Canada, after his mother's death, she was only a child, but gave him the love and warmth he needed to help recover from his loss. Despite being ten years younger than him, they had a strong bond and Yutaka knew no one could shatter it, he wouldn't allow anyone or anything to destroy it. He wasn't on very good terms with his father for the first couple of years, but things slowly got better and Yutaka's step-mother was a sweet woman who took care of him as if he were her own son. He had grown to love his family, bit by bit, and wouldn't change them for anything. Although his relationship with his father was still somewhat strained, they were talking at least.

Just when he was getting cozy, he received a text and whined quietly that someone was disturbing his quiet time. He was surprised to see the name pop up on the screen and soon opened it to see what it was about.

_Saori: “Yutaka, hi! I know we made plans for tomorrow, but can we meet today instead? I realized I had work tomorrow again...”_

He hovered over the keyboard, wondering if he should take her up on her request. Well, if he met with her that day, he could have Sunday to sleep in and relax. But if he met up with her on Sunday, he could recover from his hangover. He decided he would go for the first option. He didn't get many days off just to himself, so Yutaka decided to meet her that same day.

_Me: “Sure. I can meet you close to your place in about two hours and we could go have coffee. How does that sound?”_

_Saori: “That sounds great! I'll wait for you at a cafe. I'll send you the address. I'm sure you'd like it!”_

_Me: “Sounds good to me! I'll see you soon.”_

With that, Yutaka got off the couch and went to take a quick shower to freshen up so he could prepare for his – was it a date? Could it be considered a date if he didn't have any plans of being cuddly or boyfriend-y with her? _He_ certainly didn't consider it a date.

Within the hour he was freshly groomed, nicely dressed and out the door. It didn't take him that long to get to the cafe she mentioned she was going to be at and when he walked in, he saw her wave at him from a table in the corner, close to the window. He put a smile on and walked over, bowing his head lightly.

“I'm sorry to ask you to come so suddenly. I found out earlier today that I'll be working tonight and tomorrow and I wanted to see you this weekend.” She smiled sweetly at Yutaka as he sat down.

“Don't worry about it. I didn't have plans for the rest of today anyway. You look nice!” He shrugged his jacket off and hung it on the back of his chair and just moments later he saw one of the staff approach them to take his order. He asked for a coffee, black with some milk and soon the server was off to go make it for him. When he returned his attention to Saori, he noticed a ring very similar to the one he gave her all those years ago, but said nothing. However, he was beginning to be slightly suspicious of her motives, even though he tried his best to not let those thoughts seep into his conscious mind.

“Thank you! I wanted to look nicer for you, but I just came back from visiting my friend in Chiba and I didn't have time to stop by my place.” She smiled at him and Yutaka couldn't help but smile back. She was as cheerful as ever and her smile was just as sweet – maybe too sweet. After his discussion with his friends, including Kouyou, he kept thinking about her and if he really wanted to try and continue from where they left off. But then he realized he liked how his life was and it probably wasn't a good idea for them to be together.

“Well, you look lovely.” Yutaka smiled lightly and leaned back in his seat. She was indeed pretty, but was she beautiful on the inside as well? They chatted for a while about little nothings and so far Yutaka couldn't make up his mind about her.

“I was wondering... would you be willing to give me a second chance?” She asked quietly, with a small smile on her lips. Yutaka was sipping his coffee and studied her quietly for a few moments.

“I've been thinking about it and... I don't think it would be a good idea.” He couldn't look at her as he spoke, his words soft. “I don't want to be in a relationship right now anyway, I have to work a lot and it wouldn't be fair to either of us.” His gaze fell on the ring again and figured she probably sold the original a long time ago, the one she was wearing looking rather cheap. As soon as he looked up, he noticed her expression change and a cruel smile replacing the sweet one from moments prior.

“I think it would be a good idea. Unless... you'd like your bosses to find out you're sleeping around with guys. We both know how that would work out for you, right?”

And there it was. She was finally showing her true colours. Yutaka's eyes went slightly wider and was now very pale – how did she know that?? “I'm doing no such thing.” He said quietly, looking straight at her and hating that smirk on her face.

“Oh? I think it was just over a week ago when I saw you kiss this one guy. I was about to walk into Shinjuku station and saw you standing there. I wanted to walk over and say something, but next thing i know was that tall guy with long black hair leaned in and kissed you.”

How was it even possible that she was there? It was like life was trying to deal him a bad hand to make up for the lucky streak he was on lately. He just couldn't believe his ears and knew no one could've known about him and Uruha unless they were there. He was speechless and couldn't even form thoughts, let alone string words together. It took him a few good moments to compose himself and think of something to say.

“What... is it that you want from me, Saori?” He asked quietly, feeling a wave of nausea and tiredness hit him at the same time. Whatever it was, it was most definitely not good. He knew she could be mean sometimes, but at this point he wasn't sure what to expect.

“For starters I want to go out with you more often. And then once we start dating, I want you to propose to me again in a couple of months. And I want us to be married before the end of the year.” She leaned over the table and looked at Yutaka, clearly enjoying toying with him. The latter opened and closed his mouth a few times to say something, but instead ended up frowning.

“Why are you doing this?” He had a really bad feeling about the whole situation and was still trying to understand what it was she wanted from him. Because clearly she didn't love him if she was saying all of that.

“I missed you! All I want is another chance and if this is what I have to do to get one, I'll do it.” That smile. It really bothered Yutaka and made him feel uncomfortable. He squirmed lightly in his seat, but then the girl from before brought his coffee and he glanced up at her as she sat the drink in front of him. As soon as she left, he glanced up at Saori.

“What do you think this will gain you? Do you really think I'll love you if you're acting so cruel?” His words were whispered as he leaned in slightly, glancing around so no one else would hear them. But then the woman leaned in too, her expression not changing.

“You don't need to worry about that. Besides, you have a lot to lose if you refuse me, but a lot to gain if you accept it. I could take care of you, Yuta!” Her voice sounded almost pleading, but Yutaka knew it wasn't a plea.

“Please don't call me that.” He muttered and looked straight into her eyes. He felt angry, frustrated, disgusted. He wanted to have no ties with that woman. With a soft sigh, she leaned back in her seat and sipped from her cappuccino, watching Yutaka.

“I'll give you a week to think about it. I'd strongly recommend you accept my offer.” She smiled her sickly sweet smile that made Yutaka want to throw up. “Now... I was wondering if you want to go out again soon, preferably this following week. I--”

She didn't get to finish her sentence as Yutaka suddenly stood up. “I have to go. I remembered I have something to do.” He was fuming on the inside, but tried his best to look neutral. He didn't even look her in the eyes, feeling too frustrated to even do that.

“Think about what I said, okay?” As she smiled again, Yutaka glanced over at her before picking up his jacket, then took his wallet out and pulled a few bills, setting them on the table to pay for his coffee. Without a word, he left the cafe and noticed people looking at him as he passed by them, but he avoided their gazes, too upset about the events that unfolded.

Once he was back in his car, he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Was that woman serious? What she really blackmailing him? But for what purpose? And then it dawned on him: when they bumped into each other, he did mention where he worked and lived and she saw his car too, so she must've figured he was now well off.

“That little witch...” He mumbled to himself, thinking of how his friends warned him against her, even before, when they were together, and he didn't listen. Again. _A-fucking-gain_. He had a death grip on the steering wheel as he tried to ground himself, needing to get back home and figure out what he should do. All of a sudden, he felt this wave of hate wash over him as her name crossed his mind and couldn't believe she was doing that to him. And to think he loved her all those years ago...

Getting home was a blur, he only noticed he was there when he parked underground. With a sigh, he let his forehead rest on the wheel for a few moments, feeling like the world was crashing down around him – it felt that severe to him. He worked too hard to get where he was to have _her_ destroy his life all over again. 'Destroy' was probably an exaggeration, but he didn't want anyone or anything to discredit him when it came to his work, what he did and himself as a person.

Anger washed over him and he slammed his hands on the wheel before collecting himself quickly and getting out of the car. He didn't want to be seen by anyone, so he tried his best to keep it all in while he rode the elevator and got back to his apartment. As soon as the door locked behind him, he let out a shuddered sigh and leaned against it, slowly sliding down as he could finally let out everything he was feeling.

He sat on the floor for a bit, trying to calm down, but nothing worked. He eventually got up to his feet and walked over to his liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and pouring some in a glass with shaky hands. He sat down and it was only after the third glass when he realized that even alcohol wasn't helping. But by that time he was already on the road to getting drunk and another two or three drinks later – he didn't, couldn't and wouldn't keep count – he remembered what she said all over again and it frustrated him to no end.

Who was she to ask that of him? _How dare_ she do that to him? How dare she come back into his life and be set on ruining it? And why _now_ of all times, when he was finally beginning to be happy with what he had going on? There were so many questions and thoughts and feelings rushing through his now numb mind and all he could do was drink and try to drown them. But it frustrated him to no end and he ended up throwing the glass at the wall with force, the object shattering with a sharp sound.

Without realizing what was truly going on, his phone was in his hand again – he needed some release, he needed a distraction, and what better way than to see the person he liked, the one person who brought him immense pleasure? Uruha wasn't a rebound, of course not. He was the first to come to his mind and he now wanted to be able to touch him, even if the actor didn't want to be there for the rest. It didn't bother Yutaka, all he wanted was the other's body on top of his, fucking him into oblivion and making him forget.

_Me: “Can I see you? I'd like to see you. I need to see you... please...”_

He didn't know if the other was going to respond, probably not. He was most likely busy with work or something like that. _He probably wouldn't even care unless he felt the need_ , is what Yutaka thought, which lead him down a dangerous road. One thought lead to another and he was curled up on the couch, not feeling himself worthy of Uruha or his friends or his loving sister in that moment. Especially the actor. Why would he even drop what he was doing and come see Yutaka? They were only having fun together, it wasn't like they were in a relationship or anything. Right?

He was woken up from his daze when his phone buzzed and lit up. Yutaka tried to focus his eyes on the screen to read what it said.

_Uruha-sama: “I'll be there in half an hour.”_

So the actor really was going to come see him... A piece of Yutaka was happy that he was coming and could not wait until he saw that handsome man once again. Something about that short text felt... comforting, as if Uruha really cared, even though he was probably just up for a good round of sex.

Before he realized it, just a bit over half an hour passed during which Yutaka continued drinking – directly out of the bottle, after breaking his glass – but now he managed to calm down somewhat. Half of the bottle of Crown Royal he had was gone and Yutaka was drunk. His mind was finally numb and all he could think about was random things in his clouded state. He heard a buzzing somewhere close to the entrance and managed to get up, holding the bottle in his hand, and made his way over to the door. On the video display, he saw Uruha standing there, surprised and impressed he actually showed up. He let him in and waited by the door, leaning against the wall, for him to come up so he could unlock the door and let him in. He heard a few soft knocks next to him and opened up, grinning drunkenly at the beautiful man standing there.

“Ayeee... I'm sssso glad you came.” He smiled widely and pulled the man inside, wrapping his arms – he was still holding the bottle – around his neck and pulling him down to kiss him, his lips slowly moving against the taller one's.

“Are you... drunk?” Uruha asked softly as he slowly pulled away, Yutaka smelling like he was doused in alcohol. Through hazy eyes, Yutaka saw him look at him questioningly.

“Maybe... it doesn't matter.” He slurred slightly, hanging onto the taller man. “Mm... you smell _so good_...” Yutaka grinned again and leaned in to try to kiss him again, but Uruha pulled away, instead walking with him to the bedroom, the former walking backwards with the latter guiding him, arms wrapped around him to keep him on his feet and stable. Yutaka glanced back and smirked to himself, not really taking in the serious look on the other's face.

“I'm not going to sleep with you while you're like this. You need rest.” His voice was soft and his tone calm as he spoke, keeping his eyes on the smiling, drunk mess in his arms. But then the smile faded and he saw something that looked like... hurt on Yutaka's face? In a matter of seconds, the hold around his neck tightened and the shorter man hid his face against his shoulder, which made him stop walking and look at him. He felt a sigh leave Yutaka's lips before the latter pulled himself away, barely being able to stand.

He didn't look up at him, afraid he'll seem too fragile to Uruha. “S-sorry...” He turned to walk away from him, but he felt strong hands grabbing onto his arms to keep him steady. The grip on him turned into arms wrapping around him and holding him close, Yutaka feeling Uruha hug him from behind. His warmth made the shorter one realize he might never have that again and it just made his shoulders shake lightly as he tried his best to hold in his light sobs. If he had to give up on what he had with Uruha just to please that witch... it would drive him crazy. He knew he didn't want to go on without being able to touch or kiss the other. He was trying his best not to break down, but he wasn't doing a very good job at it.

“Hey... what is it? What happened?” Uruha's soft tone made him cover his face with a hand to try to hide his tear-stained eyes. He felt the other let go of him and turn him around to face him, Yutaka not protesting, but unable to look at him either. However, the taller man gently lifted his chin to look at him, but Yutaka closed his eyes. “Hey, look at me...” His words were gentle as he urged the other quietly, one arm wrapping around his waist to help him stand, while he used his free hand to lightly wipe away the tears on his cheeks. A few moments later, Yutaka looked at him, his eyes barely containing the tears that threatened to fall and suddenly he hid his face in the crook of his neck and held onto him.

“I-I'm s-sorry you have to see me like this...” He spoke slowly, trying to sound like he was less drunk than he actually was. “I just... didn't know who to contact. I didn't want my friends to say th-they told me so.” He mumbled into his neck. “And I don't want them to know what happened. They'll be mad at me.”

Without a word, Uruha took the bottle from him and placed it on the ground, then picked him up and took him into the bedroom, laying him down. He was surprised when Yutaka didn't protest it, instead just hung onto him, his face hidden. It made Uruha wonder if he had fallen asleep, but once he was in bed, he gripped the taller man's shirt lightly.

“Please don't leave...” Yutaka looked up at him with pleading eyes, almost on the verge of tears again. “I-I don't want to be alone right now. I'm... I'm scared of what I'd do.” He looked away from that beautiful face, feeling ashamed, despite his drunken stupor. He started scratching his wrists as he spoke, feeling anxious all of a sudden, but then he felt a warm grip on them and looked up again, only to be met with a soft smile – it stole his heart. He'd never seen Uruha smile like that before and he knew he wanted to see more of it. Hell, he wanted to have that smile only to himself.

“I'm here. If you want to talk, I'll listen.” He leaned in to press a kiss to one of Yutaka's wrists, but stopped and looked at them as he saw the markings of faint scars on them. Yutaka noticed and tried pulling his hands away, but the other wouldn't let them go. Instead, he pressed a kiss to the other one before pulling Yutaka's hands to his chest and looking down at him. “I'll go get you some water, okay? You need it.” He saw the drunk man nod faintly.

While Uruha was getting water, the shorter man curled up and wrapped his arms around his legs and hid his face into his knees. He still couldn't understand how he ended up in the situation he was in and he hated it. He was surprisingly calm as he waited for him to come back, just staring into blank space. But then he refocused as much as he could when he felt him sit down on the bed, next to him.

“Can you sit up? Here, let me help you.” He gently pulled him in a sitting position and offered him water. Yutaka held the glass in his hands and stared into it blankly.

“I might... not be able to see you anymore. Something came up and--” He let out a sigh and let his head hang, chewing on his lower lip nervously. “M-my ex is trying to get back into my life and I don't want her to. But she's-she's threatening to ruin my career if I don't date her again.” If he were sober, he most likely wouldn't have said anything about it, but the alcohol in him made him confess what was bothering him. “I-I... I hate her... I never hated anyone in my life as much as I hate her... And I used to love her...” Tears threatened to stain his face again, but Yutaka blinked them away and he soon felt a warm hand on his cheek, making him look up. There it was again, that soft, understanding look on his face...

“She sounds like really bad news... Here, drink some. It'll help.” He offered softly, taking the glass and raising it to Yutaka's lips, who had no choice but to drink. “Do you need me to go get rid of her? I know how to discard of her body...” He tried to lighten up the mood by joking, his words indeed making Yutaka let out a quiet chuckle. He took the glass away and put it on the nightstand, then scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him, Yutaka melting against him.

“I'm sorry...” he mumbled against the other's chest, slowly relaxing. “You came all the way here only to find me drunk and a hot mess. A pathetic excuse of a man.” A bitter chuckle left his lips as he finished his sentence, but closed his eyes when he felt soft, plush lips press against his forehead.

“You're not. You're in a bad place right now and it's understandable that you're reacting like this. It happens to me too sometimes. We're all human.” His words were comforting music to Yutaka's ears and before he knew it, he was relaxed and his mini panic attack passed, feeling spent and letting Uruha hold him. “Besides, I like being around you. I'll admit, the sex is amazing, but I can tell you're a gentle person and it's rare to find people like you.”

Yutaka wasn't sure if his cheeks were red from his words or the alcohol in his system or both. “Y-you're too kind...” He looked up and saw that defined jaw that begged to be ravished; instead, he lifted his head and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his cheek, looking straight at him, despite his glazed over eyes and poor sight. Then, a very faint smile appeared on Yutaka's lips as he regarded the man – how could he be more perfect than that?

“You should get some sleep.” With long, slender fingers, Uruha brushed away some strands of hair behind Yutaka's ear. “You'll feel better when you wake up.”

“C-can I-- I mean, will you--” Yutaka shook his head, deciding not to finish his sentence. “Thank you.” His words came out mumbled and he looked away from the mesmerizing man holding him. However, his stomach didn't agree with him and so he pushed himself away from Uruha – leaving him dumbfounded – and tried to run over to the bathroom. It took him a few moments to get there while he tried to balance himself and collapsed in front of the toilet bowl, emptying the contents of his stomach as he made it right on time. He was regretting drinking so much so fast – he normally spaced his drinks so he wouldn't get drunk too quickly, just enough to have a good buzz going on. His eyes were closed and felt the room spin with him, which made things worse.

“It must scare you a lot, seeing how drunk you are.” Came Uruha's soft voice from behind him, making Yutaka nod. “Drink some more water.” He offered, stepping closer to his side and crouching down.

When he was finally able to stop throwing up, Yutaka lifted his head from the toilet bowl and took the glass, sipping from it. He rinsed his mouth and spit the water out before taking a small sip, hoping it wouldn't cause him to gag again. “I haven't been this drunk since... Actually, since she left me, five years ago.” His voice was hoarse as he spoke, sitting down against the wall and looked over at Uruha. “I refused to date women after she left, I couldn't deal with another heartbreak like that. And you know what? She was wearing a ring like the one I proposed to her with, but it looked cheap. I bet she sold the one I got her.” He frowned and closed his eyes, trying and hoping the world would stop spinning. “I'm going to feel this in the morning.” He mumbled to himself, a frown setting in the creases of his eyebrows. “I have no idea why I'm telling you all this, I'm sorry.” He knew he probably apologized too much, but he couldn't help himself.

“She's not worthy of you. She sounds like a twisted individual who only wants to use you to satisfy her own needs.” The actor sat himself down on the floor, keeping Yutaka company.

Yutaka snorted as he listened to him. “You're right, she's like that. I only noticed it now, I always unconsciously overlooked it all. She always played innocent and sweet, all while she was toying with me. I should've known then, but I refused to see her for who she was and now I got myself in this situation and I don't know how to get out of it.” With a sigh, he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

“Why don't you get some sleep tonight and you can figure it out tomorrow?” Yutaka opened his eyes slightly and looked over at him. “I'll help you get to bed.” He crawled over to where the other was sitting in an attempt to move him. But instead, Yutaka placed his hand on his cheek and smiled lightly.

“You're just about perfect, you know that? Whoever you decide to date will be a lucky person.” Even if he was drunk, he knew the other was only interested in sleeping with him and despite it making him sad, it was the reality he had to face. Romantically, he felt people would discard him as soon as they got what they wanted and he knew it was only a matter of time until Uruha got bored with him too. He didn't understand the look on the other's face – mostly because he was still seeing almost double and blurry – there was a frown there and... something else, something Yutaka couldn't put his finger on.

“I'm nowhere near perfect. My on-screen persona is.” He spoke quietly and moved Yutaka's hand from his face to his lips and pressed a light kiss into his palm. “Now, let's get you off this cold floor.” He stood up and leaned over to help the smaller man get up, Yutaka not protesting it. He almost lost his balance, so Uruha acted fast and managed to catch him on time before he toppled over. Yutaka looked up at him and was mesmerized by how incredibly kind Uruha was in that moment, helping him out like that. With a quiet sigh, he leaned his head on the other's shoulder, his arms slipping around his waist loosely.

Uruha smelled great, Yutaka observed mentally. He smelled like cologne, cigarettes and... a scent he couldn't put his finger on, but was very... him. As he inhaled it, it made him feel calm and knew he wanted to hold onto that feeling. Yutaka eventually let go of him and walked slowly towards the bedroom, a hand placed on the wall for balance and the actor walked behind him to make sure he wouldn't fall. When he was inside, he lay down on the bed and curled up, not bothering with changing his clothes. Within moments, he felt the bed dip slightly behind him and fingers were running through his hair, something he found soothing.

“Are you always this nice to strangers?” He mumbled, keeping his eyes closed to shield them from the light.

“You're not a stranger to me. The moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to get to know you better. I mean, have you seen yourself? You're one of the best looking guys I know.” His words earned him a snort from the drunk lying down. “What? It's true. I love my fans, but some of the guys are just creepy. You wouldn't believe the stories I have. I even had a stalker for a while. Well... two, actually, at two different times. Being a celebrity has its pros and cons.”

“I guess. But... it looks like a... fun life.” Yutaka was starting to slur his words more, a sign he was on the verge of falling asleep, but fighting for it not to happen yet. He didn't want the moment to end and have to wake up to an empty bed again. But slumber eventually took over him, his thoughts finally silenced.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is catching up to me ahaha. I have a few more chapters that are already written, I just need to post, and I really hope I won't have to make you guys wait too long!  
> I'm also open to suggestions about new fics (one-shorts, drabbles, etc)! Leave a comment below if you like my writing style and I will do my best to write one!  
> Also, last but not least, go check out ["Criminal Minds"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4172286/chapters/9419646) by kiki_joo! Her stuff is great!  
> /end rant ahaha


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold for English, Italics for text/chat

The following morning when he woke up, he was still groggy. He frowned as he tried to remember when and how he got to bed and when he closed the curtains; he knew he left them open that morning. All he could really remember was that he was upset the day before and drank himself stupid, but not much of anything else. He turned on his other side and curled up, wanting to go back to sleep, but the smell of freshly brewed coffee made him sit up in bed suddenly, almost panicking. Was someone in his apartment? Did that witch let herself in? Yutaka didn't put it past her. He shuffled to his feet and made his way over to the kitchen, half asleep. He actually felt as if a train had hit him and made a mental note not to drink so much again, a headache making itself known.

When he walked into the living room and peeked around the corner, he saw Uruha standing there, pouring two mugs of coffee. For a moment he was shocked to see the other still there, making coffee no less. And then it dawned on him: he had texted Uruha the night before because he was angry and upset and by the time he arrived, Yutaka was smashed, but that was all he could remember. What had happened? He didn't feel sore, which meant that they didn't sleep together and yet, Uruha was _still there._

“Good morning. How are you feeling?” The actor's deep voice brought him back to reality and Yutaka froze in his spot for a moment, tensing up. And then a wave of embarrassment hit him and had to look away as he walked inside the mini kitchen.

“ 'Morning.” He mumbled and went to the fridge to grab some water to drink, glancing over at the beautiful man who invaded his kitchen.

“Someone's grumpy.” The taller one leaned against the sink counter and watched Yutaka drink half a bottle of water in one go.

“I'm just... surprised you're still here. You usually leave notes.” He glanced at him again before finishing his bottle and grabbing another one. Yutaka rubbed his face lightly, trying to wake up. But what he wasn't able to do was wipe the redness of his embarrassment off his face.

“You must've been really upset to get so drunk and be in that state.” Yutaka could feel Uruha's eyes on him, watching him.

“Please... don't bring it up.” He muttered, hanging his head low. “I really don't want to talk about it.” He heard light footsteps make their way towards him and soon felt his chin being lifted, only to make eye contact with the taller man. It was then that Yutaka noticed he was wearing light blue contacts as opposed to the white ones he got used to seeing on him. He had makeup on and wondered why he never saw Uruha without it, but didn't question it out loud. He doubted the actor was self-conscious about his looks, but it made him wonder. His heart skipped a beat when the other smiled faintly as he rubbed his thumb along Yutaka's jaw.

“I won't ask, don't worry. You're more handsome when you don't worry. Although, you're really hot when you have an angry look on your face.” He smirked and Yutaka had to look away to hide his faint blush that crept back on his face. “Now now, don't give me that. You're anything but shy.”

Yutaka looked up at him again, wondering what was going on in that head of his. “You're weird.” Uruha chuckled softly and leaned in to peck his lips.

“I figured out how to make coffee, I hope you don't mind. I left yours black because I didn't know how you liked it.”

“Bitter and black, like my soul.” He mumbled and looked away again, only to hear Uruha laugh softly.

“You're funny, Kai.”

“Actually... it's Yutaka.” He glanced up and saw light confusion on the other's features. “My real name. Kai is just a nickname I used to go by.” As Uruha nodded, Yutaka pried himself away from his grip so he could grab his coffee. He placed the cold water bottle on the counter and as soon as his fingers wrapped around the mug, he could feel its heat enveloping him and soothe his soul. But when he took a sip of his hot coffee, he was surprised it tasted so... perfect. He stared into the mug as he admired its qualities, thinking it was a lot better than the one he made, and felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind and a chin lean on his shoulder. “This coffee is delicious...”

“I'm glad you like it.” The voice was so close to Yutaka's ear that he nearly flinched. His reaction didn't go unnoticed, as Uruha's hold loosened slightly on his waist. “I should probably go.” Those words saddened Yutaka and he really wished the other wouldn't have to leave so soon. He didn't want to admit it, but he craved more of the other's touch.

“You don't have to. I'm sorry, I'm just still shaken about what happened yesterday...” He tried hard not to think about what had happened, but he was failing. “I like your presence here. It's strangely calming.” Yutaka admitted thoughtfully as he sipped his coffee again, deciding to envelop himself with the scent and feeling of Uruha.

“I guess I'm not intimidating enough then?” The soft, crystalline laugh that left Uruha's lips was music to his ears and he wanted to keep the man forever. But he had to wake up and face reality: he'd never ever have his full attention and the situation he was in didn't allow him to even fantasize about it.

Yutaka placed the mug down on the counter and turned around in the other's hold, wrapping his arms around his neck with a small smile. “Not anymore. You're a big softie, aren't you? Underneath all those cool layers. I think I like this side of you too.” Truth was, he didn't want to take his frustrations out on the handsome man, he just wanted his attention, loving how affectionate the actor was with him that morning. Yutaka was about to say something else when he felt the other lean in and kiss him, tugging his body to be flush against his taller frame, taking him by surprise. But he didn't fight it, on the contrary: he pulled him closer and deepened the kiss, trying to enjoy the moment rather than worry about anything else.

The soft kiss they were sharing turned into a make-out session, with Yutaka digging his fingers lightly into the other's nape, while Uruha held him closer, his hands holding his hips in place. It drove Yutaka mad with pleasure and desire and was debating if they should take it to his bedroom.

“ **Yuta! Wake up! Your favourite sister is here** **!** **”** Came the words in English in a sweet female voice, which made Yutaka pull away from the kiss and stare at Uruha in shock as he heard the door lock. **“Yuta, I know you're home, you always are on weekends!”**

“Shit. Hide!” He whispered and made Uruha hide in the small kitchen, _somewhere,_ as he tried to figure out a way to get him out of his apartment without his sister seeing him. He heard the door to the bedroom open first and then close and looked at Uruha in panic. Was... was the actor looking at him amused?? He didn't have time to think about it as he went out into the hallway and closed the door to the living area behind him. “Nessie? What are you doing here?” He asked in Japanese as he saw his younger sister grin at him before launching herself at him and hugging him tightly.

“What, you don't know English anymore?” Genessee, or Nessie as Yutaka called her, switched to speaking Japanese, for her brother's sake, and laughed softly as she hugged him some more. “Haven't seen you in so long... You haven't been home in over a year!” She finally let him go and Yutaka looked her over: She had grown into a beautiful young woman.

“I'm sorry, things happened. I was planning on going later this year. How's your mom? Is she feeling any better? I heard she was sick recently.” He smiled lightly at her: what a sight for sore eyes. He almost forgot Uruha was still there and only remembered as his sister pushed past him to go into the living area, which lead to the guest bedroom, which made Yutaka panic again.

“Yeah, she's fine. Her dumb doctor gave her a scare because her blood pressure was high.” She was already pushing past the door and Yutaka was on her heels, _hoping to the Heavens_ that Uruha was indeed hiding. He wasn't ready to have the actor meet his family or friends, he was his little secret. “And then he-- oh, hello there.” The young woman stopped and looked over to the kitchen area.

_Oh shit_ , was what Yutaka thought as he realized his secret lover was spotted. He walked inside behind her and saw Uruha leaning against the counter, watching them with a small smile. Yutaka couldn't help his face from turning red in both embarrassment and nervousness.

“Had we known we were going to have guests, I would've made more coffee.” The actor smirked before smiling charmingly. “Hello, my name is Uruha.” He bowed his head politely towards the young woman.

“Oh...” Yutaka saw her blush from the corner of his eye as she looked at the taller man. “I'm Genessee... but you can call me Genni.” She smiled lightly. “I'm Yuta's younger sister.”

“I wish he'd have told me he had such a beautiful sister.” Yutaka pursed his lips as he watched Uruha flirt with her, feeling a teeny tiny bit jealous.

“Stop flirting with my sister.” he mumbled and looked over at the taller man, folding his arms on his chest, who in turn smiled sweetly at him, which unfortunately worked as Yutaka could feel his heart melt. Before he knew it, Uruha was standing next to him, an arm draped around his shoulders as he pulled him closer.

“Don't mind him, he's just jealous.” He winked at her, then turned to Yutaka. “I guess you haven't told her about us?”

“I--”

“Let me guess.” She cut Yutaka off, beaming at them. “You two are together?” Her reaction only made Yutaka blush even more and feel guilty, because it wasn't entirely true. The way Uruha was acting was making him feel confused about what they had going on and about his feelings towards the taller man.

Uruha smiled widely at her, nodding, and Yutaka almost believed him. He had to admit, seeing Uruha use his acting skills up front was... pretty convincing.

Before either of them said anything else, Yutaka spoke up. “You should go take a shower and change, Nessie. I know it was a long flight over here.” He smiled lightly, trying his best to not look as uncomfortable as he felt, and slipped away from Uruha, grabbing his sister's shoulders and pushing her towards the guest room. **“I need a moment alone with him.”** He whispered so that only she could hear him, then the girl nodded and went to grab her suitcase from the hallways to be able to freshen up.

“It was nice meeting you, Uruha-san!” She beamed a bright smile at him. “Hope to see you again soon.” She then disappeared into the guest room, leaving Yutaka and Uruha alone.

Once it was just the two of them, Yutaka walked over to Uruha and quietly gripped his wrist, pulling him out of the living room and into his bedroom, for some privacy. After the door closed behind them, Yutaka fell silent as he tried to figure out what to say.

“Your sister's sweet. And very pretty.” Uruha spoke up first, watching Yutaka with a smug smile.

“She's off-limits.” He mumbled and looked up at him with a look of warning in his eyes. With a sigh, he made his way over to the bed and sat down on it, trying to wrap his mind around everything.

“She's too young for me, anyway. I like people more around my age.” Uruha followed him and sat down next to him. “Are you... ashamed to be seen with me?” He asked quietly after a few moments of silence between them and Yutaka looked up at him suddenly.

“What? No! No... I just... I thought what we have is just for fun, to make each other feel good...”

“But?” He looked at Yutaka expectantly, with a raised eyebrow.

“But... I wasn't expecting you to say all that. To tell her we're together, as a couple... Are we a couple? I mean, there's--” Yutaka was silenced by Uruha who placed his finger over the other's lips to make him stop talking.

“Stop overthinking this. Let yourself enjoy this.” Uruha placed his hand on Yutaka's thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I like being around you. Being with you. And I know we can't be together publicly, but... I'd like to continue this. Even if other people don't see us, I'm okay with that.”

Yutaka's eyes widened slightly hearing his words-- was Uruha for real? Was he really asking what he thought he was asking? He could only stare at him, a million thoughts attacking his mind and he didn't know what to think about first. However, there was one question that kept coming back to him and before he knew it, the words left his mouth.

“But... why do you care? What makes you feel attracted to me?” The moment they left his lips, he realized how stupid he sounded. It's not that he didn't have confidence in himself, it was just the fact that previous relationships made him feel like he didn't deserve someone nice by his side. “I mean--” Again, he was silence by the other, but this time he pressed his lips against Yutaka's.

“You're genuine. Your reactions are not forced and you look like a kind and caring person. I don't get to meet a lot of people like that, not in my line of work and not in general. Everyone has a hidden agenda, but you... You're in it for the enjoyment and I can tell you're true to yourself. I... also don't mind being your little secret. I feel like I can relax around you and not worry that you'll go to tabloids and tell them things about me.” Hearing Uruha say that made Yutaka feel sad inside, but also happy because the actor wasn't taking things personally and maybe even... trusted him to some extent?

He managed a small smile as he looked up at him, then wrapped his arms around his neck loosely. “You're nicer than you let on. We can be each other's secrets, I don't mind that. It's not like I can really go public if I were in a relationship with you. That would probably ruin my career and I worked hard for it.” He looked up at the gorgeous man in his arms and wondered how could he be so lucky that he was even in his presence, let alone holding him like that. “Well... I guess the only person who knows about you is Nessie, but she won't tell anyone. My friends know I'm kind of seeing someone, but they don't know who. They don't even know I like men too.” He let out a quiet chuckle and looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed again. But then he felt himself being pulled closer and lips were pressing against his, soft, plush ones. He couldn't help himself from kissing the other back for a few long moments. When Uruha tried to push him to lie down, Yutaka protested quietly and broke the kiss, looking up at the other, panting slightly. “My sister's here.” He whispered and looked down at Uruha's lips, which were slightly red and swollen and looked delicious.

“Don't worry, I wouldn't do anything while other people are here. Especially that cute sister of yours.” He grinned at Yutaka and the latter pursed his lips slightly, making Uruha chuckle and lean in to peck them. “I should get going anyway. I have a lot of things to do today.”

“When... when can I see you again?” Yutaka asked quietly as he slowly pulled his arms from around the other's neck. He really wished he could keep the actor there for a little while longer, but Yutaka had things to do too, especially with his sister's unannounced arrival.

“I'll text you, okay?” Yutaka was about to say something, when he felt a palm at his nape, pulling him closer to Uruha, who pressed his lips against his once again. “I could kiss you forever, you taste and feel really good.” He mumbled before letting go of Yutaka and getting up, the latter following suit.

Yutaka's cheeks turned a very faint pink as he heard Uruha's words and again felt the urge to ask the latter to stay with him, for eternity if that was possible. “I wouldn't mind that one bit.” He leaned in and pecked his cheek shyly before deciding to lead the way out of his bedroom. “Thanks for coming over... and I'm sorry you had to deal with my drunk self. If it were any of my friends, they would've kicked my ass at least twice by now. Mostly for drinking without them.” He let out a soft chuckle.

Uruha slipped into his shoes as Yutaka spoke and grabbed his jacket, looking over at the shorter man. “I'll admit, it was kind of funny. But you also look hot when you're serious and frowning, so double bonus for me.” He winked at Yutaka before leaning in to kiss him softly again. “I'll talk to you later, okay?”

Yutaka had no choice but to nod and smile lightly at the charming man in front of him. He felt his chest warm up just looking at him and wanted to reach out to him again and stop him from leaving, but managed to contain himself. Soon enough, with another short kiss shared between them, Uruha was out the door, leaving Yutaka smiling to himself, feeling giddy and excited for the next time he was going to see him again.

“So. Why didn't I know about him?” Yutaka turned to see his younger sister lean against the door frame, arms crossed on her chest and with a smug smile on her face. “He's really handsome, Yuta. And he seems like a good guy.”

“H-he's actually a celebrity...” He smiled sheepishly at her. “He's an actor. I went to one of his fan events and... I won this raffle thing where I got to spend the night with him. He was better looking in real life compared to his work and... he seems like a sweet guy, despite--” He cut himself off, not really wanting to tell his sister what kind of work Uruha did. “Well--”

“Despite?” The girl rose an eyebrow as she looked at him.

“Well, um... He stars in a lot of AV movies...”

“Oh my-- you're dating a porn star??” She couldn't believe her ears and Yutaka was slightly surprised that she started laughing after he told her. “Yuta, that's actually kinda hot.” She smirked at him, then walked over and wrapped her arms around one of Yutaka's, then dragged him inside the living room. “I'll go make tea for us, so you'll have to tell me everything about him!”

Soon enough, they were both settled in the living room, with the TV on for some background noise as Yutaka told her everything that happened ever since he met Uruha, how they ended up in that weird relationship, about how well he thought they fit together – and of course left out all the juicy details, she didn't need to know _everything_ that went on between them. But then he told her how Uruha came running the previous night when he asked him to come over and of course Genni asked what happened, the reason why Yutaka was so blindingly drunk the previous night.

“She said _WHAT_?” Her eyes were instantly narrowed in slight anger as he looked at Yutaka, who only nodded sadly.

“Yeah... She said she'll ruin my career if--”

“No, I heard what you said, Yuta. I can't believe that woman! First she dumps you like that, _after_ you proposed to her, and now this?? I'll kill her.” She stood up, ready to go out and find her, when Yutaka pulled her to sit back down.

“I don't want to give her what she wants, but... what if she's not bluffing, you know? I mean, even if my coworkers don't really believe her, they'll still end up wondering if it's true. So far, the only people who know I'm not straight are you, Uruha-sama, Saori and a new friend, Shima-kun. And he only knows because I was drunk and ended up telling him. Not even the other three know, let alone my coworkers... My company is pretty traditional and strict and I don't want a rumour like that to discredit me.” He saw her deflate and purse her lips in annoyance.

“... wait, Uruha-sama?” She blinked as realization hit her. “What's the-- oh. _Oh_.” The negative vibe she was giving off was slowly starting to dissipate as she smirked. “I see. But.” She continued in a serious tone. “We need to figure out how to get her off your back. I think you should also tell the other guys about this. Maybe Akira can help, being the IT genius he is.” She grinned at him, which made Yutaka smile slightly and slowly relax. “Or we could get her drunk and get Taka-nii to give her a really bad tattoo or threaten her with one if she doesn't knock it off.” Her words made Yutaka laugh softly at how silly she was – although those ideas weren't half bad.

“I don't really want to go to jail, you know. But what I really want to know is how come you came here. You didn't tell me anything!” He managed to change the subject as he really didn't want to discuss the ordeal he was going through.

“Oh! Well... remember how dad said that if i graduated university back home I could then do whatever I wanted?” Yutaka nodded. “I decided to come here and study and I got accepted at Bunka fashion college!” She said excitedly, taking her brother by surprise.

“No way...” He grinned widely at her. “You're going to stay with me, right?”

“Actually... I decided to see how it feels like to live in a dorm, at least for the first year. Don't worry, everything's been taken care of! I saved up all my money from the jobs I did and I should have enough to last me for a while. “ Yutaka couldn't believe how responsible and grown up his little sister was. He looked at her with a small, almost longing smile. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She rose an eyebrow at him, but Yutaka just pulled her into a tight hug.

“You're all grown up and you're making me feel old.” He chuckled softly. “I'm so proud of you, Nessie... And if my mom were still alive, she'd love you like her own daughter.”

She let him hold her for a few more moments before pushing him away playfully. “Stop it, Yuta, you're being sappy again.” She laughed softly and kissed his cheek. “I'll go take a bath, it was a really long flight. I can't wait to see everyone too! Do you think we can see them tonight? I have a busy week ahead of me with running around and doing things, so I'd like to see them before all hell breaks loose.”

“I'll give them a call, but I want it to be a surprise for them too.”

“Great plan! Okay, I'm off. I _really_ need that bath.” He laughed at the expression on her face before she left the room, leaving Yutaka alone.

With a soft sigh, he pulled out his phone and opened the group chat he had with his three friends and read through the messages that were sent – it looked like they were all drunk when they wrote and it made Yutaka chuckle.

_Leader: Hey guys, emergency meeting at my place today?_

_Flower boy: Why, what happened??_

_Leader: I uh... I think it's best to tell you guys in person._

_Shorty: I can swing by in an hour or two, I'm uh... a bit busy atm_

_Bird guy: I can pick Yuu up and come over? You're making me worry..._

_Leader: Ah... sorry bro. I just rather not do this over text._

_Bird guy: Alright, alright. Yuu, be ready, I'll be there in 15._

_Flower boy: ok. Yuta sounds like he needs booze, so I'll bring some._

_Leader: Thanks guys, you're the best!_

After receiving confirmation from his friends, he walked over to the bathroom, knocking lightly on the door to let his sister know they were coming over and to hurry up with the bath.

About two or so hours later, all three men made their way to Yutaka's place and complained that he had them over on a Sunday, when all they wanted to do was to sleep or just be lazy before the new week started. Yutaka made them sit down while he stepped closer to the guest room, eyes on them as he knocked, soon his sister sliding the door open and grinning at everyone there.

“No way! Nessie!” Yuu was the first to stand up and grin at her, then met the girl half way across the living area as she walked over to them, hugging her tightly.

“It's been a while, Yuu-aniki!” She wrapped her arms around him and soon the other two came over, Takanori hugging her quietly and with a small smile on his lips.

“You're too tall, Nessie-chan.” The tattoo artist soon let go of her and gave her a look-over. “You're beautiful.” He smiled at her, receiving the same reaction from her.

The last one to walk over was Akira, who seemed shy at first, but then hugged her as well, lingering a bit longer. “Welcome back.” He spoke softly as he let her go and Yutaka noticed the way they were looking at each other, but didn't say anything. Afterall, it might just as well be his imagination playing tricks on him.

Yutaka ushered everyone to sit back down while he prepared some tea for them, since all three were still recovering from their Friday night fun. They were all asking Genessee questions about how things were going, what she was up to, etc., but when Yutaka flopped on the couch, next to Yuu, the discussion somehow suddenly changed to him.

“So. I know Yuta won't bring it up, so I will. That skank Saori is blackmailing him.” Yutaka was almost in shock when his sister talked about it all of a sudden, all eyes on him. “We need to help him get rid of her.”

“She's _what_?” Yuu repeated, looking over at the now red faced friend sitting next to him, unable to catch his gaze.

“I uh... made the mistake of meeting up with her, thinking she wanted to apologize or something. Next thing I know, she's telling me I have to date her or she'll make sure my company won't like me very much. I... don't know what to do. I obviously don't want to be with her, not after I saw what a truly vile woman she is.” He ended his short monologue – more like rant - with a quiet sigh and sank into the couch.

“I told you she was bad news.” Takanori mumbled, making Yutaka cringe. Of course he was right, but Yutaka was too ashamed to admit to it. “But anyway. We need to get rid of her.”

“What if--”

“No, Yuu, she knows you, remember? She won't fall for your charm and why the hell would you even consider that?” Takanori rose an eyebrow at him with a look that said 'you're an idiot', which only made the raven-haired man purse his lips and lean back against the backrest of the couch, pouting and earning a soft chuckle from Genessee.

“I could hack into her phone and delete your number from there?” Akira spoke up and there was a moment of silence while everyone considered the idea.

“But what if she saved my number somewhere else too?”

“You leave that part to me. I'll do some digging too and see if I can find out anything... dirty about her.” The almost cruel smirk on his face made Yutaka realize Akira was up to no good. “I'm not letting her mess with you a second time.”

“Are you trying to prove yourself in front of Nessie?” Takanori grinned mischievously at his friend, but was met with a light punch against his shoulder. “Ow... Did I hit a nerve?” He smirked as he saw both Akira and Genessee glance at each other with small smiles on and they were acting shy, which made Yutaka narrow his eyes slightly at them.

“Taka-nii, stop teasing!” She laughed and threw a pillow at him playfully, hoping he would stop.

Yutaka liked the warm and friendly atmosphere surrounding them and was happy his sister got along well with his friends, they were all very important people to him. Even if they weren't related by blood, he considered them his brothers and loved them unconditionally.

“By the way, Taka, how come you didn't bring Shima-kun with you? You're always stuck to each other like magnets.” Yutaka grinned as he teased his friend.

“Hey! We're not stuck to each other, dude. He told me he was spending his day with his daughter, so I didn't ask him to tag along.” He shrugged. “Why, are you interested in my boyfriend now?” Takanori snorted, which made Yutaka roll his eyes.

“Why would I be? He's just a nice guy you can have a decent conversation with, unlike you losers.” He grinned widely at his friends, who all proceeded to throw things at him or poke him, whichever was quicker.

It was a really nice way to end his weekend, surrounded by people he cared about and who cared about him. He was tempted to tell his friends about certain aspects of himself, knowing that having his sister there would've made things easier, but decided against it. He didn't want to accidentally ruin the mood, so he kept quiet. Despite his sister knowing about his secret affair, he wished he could tell his friends about Uruha too, but wasn't sure how they'd take it. It was really new for him as well, so he decided to give himself time to get used to things changing like that.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

A few weeks had passed since his sister arrived and Yutaka helped her settle into her dorm – she insisted on living with other people closer to her age, as she put it, and experience dorm life in a somewhat foreign country. Despite her insistence, she knew she could always go live with her brother if she ever got bored or just decided she wanted her own space.

They kept in touch regularly and every now and then Nessie would ask about Uruha and every single time Yutaka would respond saying he was well and not going into much detail, to his sister's frustration. Speaking of Uruha, Yutaka realized he was infatuated with the man and every time they met for their secret rendezvous, he'd fall victim to his sweet words and then proceed to indulge in more carnal desires. He still couldn't believe he was sleeping with the actor and at times he felt anxious, knowing their tryst would have to end at some point, and Yutaka wished they could continue it for the rest of their lives. He was aware that both of them were enjoying it, otherwise why would Uruha keep asking to meet up, right?

That was one of the thoughts plaguing his mind after finishing one of his bi-weekly sessions of muay thai, a sport he picked up not long after Saori had left him; it helped keep his mind focused and his anger in check. It also kept him in shape, seeing how he was working at his desk for eight, ten... even twelve or more hours per day sometimes. As he left the gym, he smiled lightly to himself as the weather was mild, the temperature somewhere around seventeen degrees Celsius, perfect for a walk to help relax his muscles after some intense training. But he wasn't paying attention and felt something – actually someone – bump into his legs and make him come to a halt. Yutaka looked down only to see an adorable little girl whose ice-cream was partly on his clothes and mostly on the ground. He panicked, hoping the girl wouldn't start crying and making a scene – he didn't know what to do if that happened – but all she did was look up at him and pout lightly before bowing politely and apologizing to him.

“I'm so sorry, mister. I dirtied your clothes.” She must've been maybe around five or six years old and Yutaka almost melted at the adorable sight. He crouched down to be level with her and smiled softly.

“It's alright, little girl. It's my fault for not seeing you. Are your parents around? You shouldn't be out here on your own.”

“Hinako, there you are!” A male – and very familiar – voice called out to them, coming up from behind Yutaka. “I told you to stay with me, sweetie. I'm so sorry, I hope she hasn't-- Yutaka-san?”

Hearing his name made him look up, then stand up, surprised to see Kouyou there. “Shima-san? Is... she your daughter?” He asked glancing over at her, the girl almost on the verge of tears at that point, most likely because of her dessert.

“Ah, yeah...” He said, picking her up in his arms. “She's a little rascal, she keeps causing me problems.” Kouyou chuckled softly as he kissed the girl's temple. “What happened to your ice-cream, sweetie?”

“That's probably my fault. We bumped into each other and it fell off her cone. So I owe her an ice-cream.” He looked at the two and smiled, seeing how cute they were together. “I was just coming out of the gym here.” He said, throwing his thumb in the direction of said place.

“You... do muay thai?” Kouyou asked, almost shocked. “I didn't pin you to be the type.” He chuckled after recovering a moment later.

Yutaka only shrugged with a small smile on his lips. “I used to live in the area about two or so years ago before I moved to my current place and I was comfortable already with this place and the people working here. How I ended up here is a long story. You should come with me someday, it's fun!”

“Maybe I'll take you up on that offer.” Kouyou chuckled again and put his little girl down, still holding her hand to make sure that she didn't run off again. “In the meantime, care to join us for coffee? Well, hot chocolate for my little princess, of course.” At the mention of hot chocolate, the girl looked up with a broad smile, looking already excited, her empty cone already forgotten

“Yes, daddy! I want hot chocolate!”

“And ice-cream too?” Yutaka intervened, watching her amused.

“Nooo, hot chocolate!”

“She's so adorable, Shima-san.” He laughed softly. “It'll have to be my treat, since she dropped her ice-cream because of me.”

“That's alright, don't worry about it.” Kouyou said with a smile.

“Hey, mister...” Yutaka's attention shifted back to the little girl, who was now tugging on his sleeve to make him look at her.

“Hinako, what did I say? You need to be more respectful of others. Why don't you introduce yourself?” Despite his scolding words, his tone was gentle and Yutaka could tell Kouyou loved his daughter a lot, which in turn made the former smile lightly.

“Okay, daddy.” She looked from Kouyou to Yutaka and bowed lightly. “My name is Hinako, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Hinako-chan. You can call me Yutaka.” He smiled at her and bowed his head slightly as well.

“Yutaka-oji-san.” She nodded thoughtfully to herself, which made Yutaka chuckle. “Yutaka-oji-san?” She called out his name again and tugged on his sleeve to lean over, to which Yutaka obliged, curious of what she wanted. “Do you like cats?” She whispered in his ear. “Daddy won't let me have a cat.” Yutaka couldn't help but laugh softly at that and with a glance up towards a curious Kouyou, he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“I like cats. Maybe you can trick daddy into getting you one.” He winked at her and the girl blushed lightly. With an amused shake of his head, he stood back up.

“What was that all about? What are you two plotting?” Kouyou eyed both of them playfully.

“Nothing!” Yutaka smiled innocently at his new friend. “Should we go grab that coffee?”

“Alright, alright. I know this nice place where we can go and Hinako won't get bored either.”

“Sounds like a plan. Lead the way!” He chuckled and adjusted his gym bag on his shoulder. Seeing how it was a Saturday, Yutaka was dressed down in plain clothes: a pair of black jeans, a black T-shirt and a leather jacket, and his hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, having forgotten to let his hair free after his session.

Not long after, they arrived at said place, which looked like a combination of a cute, brightly coloured cafe and a play area for children. There were all sorts of things to play with there and they even had a ball pit for the older children. After they were seated, they ordered coffee for the two men and white hot chocolate for the girl. However, Hinako got distracted by all the toys and, with her father's permission, went over to play with the other children. Yutaka saw how Kouyou's gaze followed her as she ran over to the playground area, a gentle expression on his face.

“Now I know why she likes this place.” Yutaka spoke as he, too, watched her as she played. “She's a very sweet girl.”

“Until you get to find out what a troublemaker she is.” A soft chuckle left his lips as he raised his coffee to mouth level to sip from it. Yutaka's eyes turned back to Kouyou, curious of what the other meant. “I mean... like earlier, she always runs off when I look away for a split second, or spills things at home... I don't know how my sister handles her.” He laughed softly, now watching Yutaka.

“Your sister?” His confusion was probably written all over his face as he asked.

“Yes. My sister takes care of her when I'm at work. It helps both of us, but especially Hinako. I didn't want her to be lonely while I'm away, and this way she gets to spend time with her cousins too.” A soft, almost sad smile graced his lips, which made Yutaka feel bad for his friend. “She also has some form of a mother figure in her life too, after my wife passed away.”

Yutaka could tell the mood was changing and he also realized he didn't like seeing Kouyou sad, so he tried his best to cheer him up. “But at least she has a loving family. Even if her mother isn't among us anymore, she has a great father and I'm sure your sister loves her just as much.” Yutaka offered him an understanding smile. “I'm sure she knows it too. She looks like a smart young lady.”

“I guess you're right. Thank you, Yutaka-san.” The brown-haired man smiled, then let out a soft chuckle and shook his head before sipping his coffee again.

“No need. Nori's a lucky guy to have you. Although he has a lot to learn about how to be around children.” He laughed softly, Kouyou following suit.

“That's true. When he first met Hinako, he was really awkward about it, it was kind of cute. And it's so funny when she pranks him.”

“You have to get it on video and show me!” Yutaka had to admit, he was enjoying hanging out just with Kouyou and a missing-in-action Hinako.

Kouyou was about to say something when Yutaka saw him look up, making him move his head in the same direction, only to see a woman standing there. He trailed his eyes up to see who it was and was rather shocked to see Saori standing there, looking around and then as soon as she spotted him, she had this blank stare as they made eye contact. Yet there was something about the way she looked at him that made Yutaka realize she was... angry?

“Saori, wh--” He started speaking as the woman approached their table.

“We need to talk. Now.” She muttered and threw a glance in Kouyou's direction, looking disgusted as she did so. “Already found a new boyfriend?” She snorted as her gaze turned back to her ex. At that, Yutaka stood up to face her, but the woman just walked away and out of the cafe.

Yutaka was stunned and he felt his heart rate go up; that woman was going to be the death of him. “I uh... I'll be right back.” He gave Kouyou an apologetic look as he walked after Saori, leaving his things behind before the other man could say anything. Once they were both outside, he was surprised to see his ex smoking.

He remembered a few weeks prior, when he decided to cut her out of his life, at the risk of his career, how angry she had become and almost... hysterical. Yutaka always remembered her to be a sweet person who didn't lash out, but he was seemingly very wrong. One night, he had met up with her at a cafe, at her request, to tell her what his decision was. Needless to say, as soon as he refused her, she wasn't very happy with his answer and had started threatening him, but Yutaka calmly waited until she was done, not wanting to create a scene there. But before he had even said anything, she took her things and stormed off, leaving Yutaka confused and upset.

“What is it now, Saori? I thought I made myself clear last time we saw each other that I'm not interested in--”

“Save it.” She stopped him from talking by raising her hand, then looked up at him. “I just wanted to let you know that I sent a very nice email to your company, letting them know what kind of person you are, ditching your pregnant fiancee for a man.” She slowly looked up with a smug smile on her face as she sucked some more on the cigarette.

Yutaka just stared at her in shock, then frowned as he felt his anger growing slowly. “You did _what_? You do know that they won't believe you, right?” He folded his arms to his chest, looking at her with ice-cold eyes and a quickly forming frown.

“Oh, my dear Yuta... they don't need to believe it. It's enough to get them to doubt you. You know, our arrangement could've been mutually beneficial, but you decided to be selfish and do whatever you want. So I took the liberty and did whatever I wanted, and in this case, I want to destroy you.” The twisted, sickeningly sweet smile on her face disgusted Yutaka as he looked at her.

“It's not like you haven't done it once before, you know. Remember that time you up and left me for some rich dude and moved to America? _After_ I proposed to you with a ring that I saved up for almost a year's worth of salary? You destroyed me both emotionally and financially. You won't be able to do that anymore. I thought I still had feelings for you, but it turns out I don't.” He narrowed his eyes slightly at her as he spoke and saw how the anger in her was building up.

“I still have that ring, right here!” She raised her voice, lifting her left hand to show the ring Yutaka noticed the time they met at the cafe that first time.

“That's not the ring I gave you. It's a cheap imitation of it. The one I got you had a nice clear diamond ring and on each side of the bigger stone it had three smaller pink diamonds. The detailing was that of camellia flowers, not roses, and it had 'promise' engraved on the inside of it.” Yutaka wondered if it was weird that he still remembered the detailing of the ring, even years later after he had given it to her. But the look of shock on her face and then her tearful eyes surprised him, her reaction almost felt genuine. “I loved you a lot, Saori. I don't have any feelings for you anymore and I don't want you in my life anymore. I'm not someone you can use so easily, like you used to. For years I was told to give up on you and try to get over you because you just up and left me without a word and I did just that. Now I'm in a better place, both emotionally and financially and I don't want to have that taken from me again. So please stop following me around.” His voice had a pleading tone to it towards the end, despite how hard he tried to be firm with her. What he didn't expect was the slap that came, followed by an upset Saori glaring at him.

“You think you're so smart and all. This isn't the last you hear from me, Yutaka.” Her tone was dangerously low as she tried to intimidate her ex, but it wasn't working. Yutaka had made his decision and he was going to stick with it no matter what. With one last glare, Saori walked away, putting out her cigarette in the nearby garbage bin, leaving a surprised and upset Yutaka behind.

He held his cheek as he walked back inside the cafe and noticed people were staring at him. With an apologetic smile, he made his way over to their table and quietly sat down, not looking up at Kouyou as he picked up his coffee with slightly shaky hands and sipped from it.

“Are you... alright?” Came a soft question from across the table and Yutaka nodded lightly. “I uh... unfortunately everyone was watching you two. Why don't we leave and get you somewhere quiet where you can calm down?” Kouyou asked softly and when Yutaka was about to answer, he felt two tiny hands on his leg and two big brown eyes looking up at him.

“Yutaka-oji-chan, was that lady mean to you? She's ugly. You should forget about her and like me instead.” Yutaka couldn't help but chuckle softly as he pet the girl's head gently, then she turned to her father. “Daddy, you should make him porridge. That'll make him feel better!”

Kouyou chuckled as he watched her daughter looking back at him. “Only if he wants to, honey.” Yutaka looked up only to see the other smile softly. “Why don't you ask him if he wants to come?”

Hinako nodded and looked back at Yutaka. “You should come with us, oji-chan. Daddy makes the best porridge ever!” She grinned widely at him and tugged lightly on his sleeve.

“Only because you asked, Hinako-chan.” He answered with a chuckle and looked up at Kouyou. “I don't want to be a bother, though...”

“Nonsense! You're more than welcome to join us. Besides, you look like you need a friend right now. I can't let you go home in that state. We live close to here, actually.” The warm and friendly look on Kouyou's face was irresistible and Yutaka found himself agreeing to join them.

“Alright, I'll come with you.” He smiled shyly back at him and chuckled when Hinako got excited about it.

“I have good parking at my place, so you can park your car there.”

Yutaka nodded again and sipped his coffee, wanting to finish it before going and also wanted to calm down a bit before he sat behind the wheel. “I parked nearby, so we'll just have to go get it.”

They lingered at the cafe a bit longer until they all finished their drinks and Yutaka insisted on paying for it all seeing how kind Kouyou was to him. After they recovered his car, Kouyou guided Yutaka to his home and the latter was surprised to see that he lived in Ebisu, indeed close to where his gym and the cafe were, on one of the side streets. The house they lived in didn't seem much from the outside, but Yutaka noticed a nice black car and smaller blue SUV in the garage, and as Kouyou said, there was quite a bit of parking available. The house Kouyou lived in had the garage on the ground floor and there was a flight of stairs leading to the main entrance to the two-level house. As they parked, Kouyou pointed to the house on the right of his, telling Yutaka that it was his sister's, a bigger two-story home with no parking, and also that the SUV in the garage was actually theirs, while the black car was his.

Once they were inside, Yutaka was surprised to see how modern it looked, a stark contrast to the outside of the place, which didn't look as cared for. Kouyou invited him in and then disappeared, leaving Yutaka alone with Hinako, who pulled him over to the living area. Several moments later, Kouyou returned with an ice pack and offered it to Yutaka, who accepted it with a quiet 'thank you', pressing it to his face to help with the slight sting and the redness left by the slap he received.

“Hinako, why don't you go get changed? Daddy needs to talk to Yutaka-san.” The little girl walked over to Kouyou and gave him a hug before going upstairs. “As promised, I'm making you porridge.” He chuckled softly and Yutaka smiled lightly as the other tried to cheer him up.

“I'm sorry you had to see that. That was the ex I was telling you about. A few weeks ago she tried to blackmail me into giving her a second chance, but I refused to do it, so now she's trying to sabotage my life as much as she can. I got this because I told her no again.” A bitter chuckle left his lips, his gaze falling to the coffee table. “I can't believe I didn't see what kind of person she was when we were still together. Kira, Nori and Yuu all told me she was bad news, but I was too enamoured with her to see it.” He sighed softly and closed his eyes for a moment.

“Hopefully she'll leave you alone. If not, let me know and I'll deal with her.” When Yutaka looked up, he saw Kouyou smirking, which made Yutaka shake his head amused.

“I'd rather you not get your hands dirty with the likes of her. Besides, it seems that Kira is trying to send her some viruses or something to delete my information from her phone and stuff like that. He never liked her, so I'm sure he's having fun right now, working his magic against her.” Yutaka felt himself slowly relax in Kouyou's presence; there was something about his host that made him feel at ease and he liked it. “I don't even know how she keeps finding me.”

“Maybe she's stalking you. Or she hired someone to watch you.” Kouyou frowned lightly as he voiced out his thoughts. But he quickly changed the topic, trying to avoid upsetting Yutaka further. “But you know... Sometimes I envy your group of friends.” Kouyou admitted quietly, with a small smile gracing his full lips. “It's just so endearing to see all four of you be so close together, almost like a family. Because I work so much, I only get to spend time with my little princess and my sister and her family.”

“But you're our friend now too! Kira certainly likes you and Yuu... well, it takes a while for him to warm up to people, but he's okay with you too. And I think you're a nice guy.” Yutaka smiled lightly at the other as he adjusted the cold pack against his sore cheek.

“Ah... thank you.” He chuckled quietly and rubbed the back of his neck, Yutaka noticing how shy he became all of a sudden when being complimented. “I'm happy that you guys accept me.” Yutaka smiled lightly and took the ice pack away from his cheek, rubbing the coldness away to warm it up. “Oh, right, porridge.” Kouyou chuckled again and got up. “If you'll excuse me for a moment.” He made his way into the kitchen, leaving Yutaka by himself in the room.

However, just a few minutes later, Hinako appeared again, dressed really cutely in purple, and sat on the floor, placing her coloured pencils and a drawing notebook, opening it and starting to draw quietly. Yutaka watched her and noticed she was pretty talented for a six year-old; it looked like she was drawing a person. They both sat in silence for a while, the only sounds coming were from the kitchen, where Kouyou was cooking, while Yutaka watched the girl draw, mesmerized by it. Even though he only met her a couple of hours prior, he realized that the girl was the quiet, observing type. Maybe she took after her mother? Because the Kouyou he knew was fun and quite chatty, especially after a few drinks.

Yutaka dazed off as he wondered how things would've turned out had he married Saori. Maybe they would've been happy and had a child or two? Or maybe the opposite, with him being miserable while she spent his hard earned money. He didn't put it past her, honestly. After showing her true colours, Yutaka was certain he would've ended up miserable, most likely. He felt disappointed in her and it hurt him to know he loved such a person, who in the end only cared about herself. Yutaka--

“Porridge for you.” Kouyou brought back Yutaka to reality as he offered him a bowl of food and it smelled amazing.

“Ah, thank you.” He accepted it with two hands and bowed his head slightly. “This smells so good...” Yutaka reached over for one of the spoons and tasted the food, humming in delight. Hinako stopped drawing and grinned as she was handed her bowl, making Yutaka smile softly. “This is delicious!” He beamed at his friend as he continued eating.

“I'm glad you like it. I-- Hinako, eat slower, sweetie. You know what happened last time you ate it so fast.”

“But _papa_ ~! It tastes so good!” She whined playfully, making Yutaka chuckle softly.

He had to admit, the atmosphere surrounding them was peaceful and he liked it, it made him wish he had a family of his own. But Yutaka was already comfortable with being a bachelor, not really trusting other people to have his heart again. Maybe he could adopt? But he probably couldn't, since he was--

“Hello? Earth to Yutaka-san?” Yutaka blinked and looked at Kouyou as the latter chuckled.

“Ah... sorry! I was thinking about something.” He chuckled nervously and set the bowl down on the coffee table. “What were you saying?”

“I was asking if you wanted to stay for dinner later.” The gentle look on Kouyou's face made Yutaka feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside-- but wait, that was wrong. He was Takanori's interest and he didn't want to get in between them, although he had to admit he felt this weird attraction towards the honey blond.

He shook his head lightly. “I should be going. I still have some things to do. But thank you for the treat and the uh... ice pack.” He stood up and Kouyou followed suite.

“Maybe next time, then. Here, I'll show you to the door. Hinako, stay and finish your food, okay? Daddy's going to be back. Say bye to Yutaka-san.”

“Goodbye, Yutaka-oji-san!” She bowed her head lightly and soon returned her attention back to her bowl as the two men made their way over to the door.

“She's really adorable, Shima-san.” He smiled lightly as he put on his jacket.

“Thank you. She's a real sweetheart, when she's not causing trouble.” He chuckled softly. “Oh-- you have something on...” He trailed off and hesitantly reached over to wipe something off of Yutaka's cheek and for some reason, the brunet's heart rate picked up slightly, which confused him: why was he reacting that way to such a simple gesture? After he retracted his hand, Yutaka looked at him confused.

“Um... th-thanks.” He stuttered lightly as he ran his fingers over his cheek to make sure whatever he had was gone. As he looked back up, he noticed the smile Kouyou had on his face: why was it so charming? And why did he notice only then? “I should get g-going... Thank you for everything!” And with that, Yutaka left the house quickly, wanting to get inside the car and figure out _what the hell just happened_. He thought he heard Kouyou say something, but he quickly got into his car and took a deep breath.

“I must be losing my mind...” He muttered to himself before putting his glasses on and starting the car, glancing one more time at the house before driving away.

Kouyou's touch almost reminded him of the way Uruha's skin felt and how soft his hands were, but the honey blond told him they were two different people and Yutaka believed him. He had no reason not to. Whatever it was, it had to go away, he couldn't let himself like Kouyou as more than just a friend, not while he was with Takanori. His friends came before any relationship of his, they were pretty much his family and he trusted and respected them. And he also had a crush on Uruha.

A little while later, after he finally returned home, Yutaka let himself fall on his bed and decided to ignore the rest of his things to do, opting to relax that evening. His body craved some relaxation after how eventful the past few weeks had been. That and the fact that his affair with Uruha had been going on for just a bit over two months, he had even less time to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I really hope this won't catch up to me too fast. I've been struggling with a bit of writer's block OTL and also my life got super busy with all sorts of stuff :( But I'll do my best!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to keep you waiting! Here's chapter 9 :D

As days passed, Yutaka started feeling more anxious with the anniversary of his mother's death approaching. Every year after moving back to Japan, he'd take a few days off work to go visit her grave in his hometown of Tokushima and bring her flowers. During those days, he usually kept to himself.

Yutaka had had a very strong bond with his mother, they were really close, and when he lost her, he felt like a piece of him died with her. For a teenager, it wasn't easy seeing his beloved parent slowly lose her strength and fade away like that, not when she was such a strong woman and so full of life. Even now, almost twenty years after her passing, he could remember what a kind and caring woman she was and how much she loved him. Around that time he also started feeling angry towards his father and blamed him internally for leaving them like that without caring about them and for the longest time, Yutaka had very strong feelings of dislike and resentment towards the man, which took him a few years to overcome, even after he had moved in with him and his new family. Thinking back on it, he was grateful that his step-mother was a kind woman, just like his own mother, and welcomed him into their big family. During those years he also learned how to deal with his anger and grief.

At first, Yutaka refused to go live with his father, but being underage and having no one else but an estranged uncle in Japan – that he knew of, at least - he had no choice but to go live in Canada for a few years. While there, he struggled with depression after his mother's passing and felt a strong need to join her. But what saved him in the end was his younger sister whom he got really attached to. Besides Genessee, however, he had other siblings: an older brother and sister, from his step-mother's previous marriage, who were only one or two years older than him, then his favourite, Genessee, who was his half-sister and ten years younger, and a pair of twins, about three years younger than Nessie. It was a large family, if you counted grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles, and Yutaka wasn't used to so many people in one house, but after a while he got used to it and loved it when his other siblings were home; they even hung out together sometimes and had lots of fun. Over time, he learned how to forgive his father and became close to the rest of the family, learning that it was okay to let them help him and care about him. And if Yutaka had to admit, he loved them all a lot.

Despite the love and care he received from his adoptive family, he still wished his mother was there to see all his achievements and to be there when he needed someone. But now all he could do was bring her fresh flowers every year and clean up her grave. Whenever he had quiet conversations with her, if there were people around him, they'd look at him as if he'd lost his mind, but to him it was soothing. Even if she couldn't respond back, he felt as if she was always present whenever he visited her.

Yutaka always turned his phone off whenever he went to Tokushima, to make sure no one bothered him. But the truth was, that wasn't the whole reason. All he wanted was some time away from his usual life, a few days to unwind and relax, seeing how on-the-go he always was.

He stayed at the same bed and breakfast for the past ten or so years and that year was no different. He already knew the owners and some of the staff that had been working there for a while and they always gave him the same quiet room, away from the lobby which he really appreciated. At first, he'd take the train and then sometimes drive there, but it took just over five hours by train and over seven hours by car, so for the past four years he decided to fly and rent a car while in Tokushima instead.

He arrived the day before the anniversary, so after checking in, Yutaka decided to go out for a walk around the neighbourhood and maybe grab a bite to eat. By now it was early summer and the weather was pleasant enough for a stroll, but despite the beautiful weather, Yutaka was not feeling as chipper as he usually was and no one could blame him. He sometimes wondered if he should move back to Tokushima, but then he'd have to leave everyone behind and start all over again and he didn't want to sacrifice all that. He was sure his mother didn't mind him visiting only once a year.

He soon found himself in front of a cafe which looked new, at least to Yutaka, and decided to sit there and have a coffee and something to eat. While waiting for his order, he looked around at leisure, watching the people passing by, his mind wandering. From one thought to another, he remembered that one time a couple of weeks prior, when he bumped into Kouyou and his daughter and then how Saori slapped him, and his mood dropped slightly. As his mind replayed the events of that day, Yutaka got hung up on when he left Kouyou's place and that small gesture where he wiped something off of his face. And once again, he felt a bit nervous as he remembered the touch and how familiar and gentle it was. He didn't actively avoid Kouyou after that, he just got really busy at work; he barely hung out with the other three as well. Was that small action purely unintentional and innocent? Yutaka didn't know and he was afraid to ask. Yes, he found the man handsome and kind, but he was dating – more or less – one of his best friends and it was an unspoken rule that they didn't go after the same people their other friend was dating or had dated in the past.

One thought lead to another and he found himself thinking about the gorgeous Uruha, who brought him so much carnal pleasure that Yutaka still thought it was all too surreal. But as he was sitting there, enjoying his coffee and a wrap, he realized the actor was very kind and gentle with him, not at all like his strong, dominant on-stage persona. The thought made him smile to himself as he remembered all the sweet nothings the actor would whisper to him after a good session and before Yutaka fell asleep – being tired from work and always being on the go didn't help with his energy levels, so he always ended up falling asleep before Uruha did. He had been thinking about him and about their relationship and although he enjoyed spending time with the taller man, Yutaka felt more and more anxious and even afraid because he knew he was starting to have stronger feelings towards the actor and... he wasn't sure he was ready for it. He was aware that their relationship could not progress and although he wanted to be fine with only sex, he craved more. He craved something he knew he'd never have and that's what scared him.

That evening, he found himself walking alongside the river, deep in thought. It was a time of meditation for him and a time when he could disconnect from the real world and enjoy some alone time. While in Tokyo, he was always busy, always working, always seeing people, but while in Tokushima, he felt he could unwind, so he did just that. There was no crazy ex after him, no friends to ask him out for drinks and no bosses to tell him what to do and it felt nice, for a change. He had spent the rest of the night sober, reading a book he brought with him until he fell into a dreamless slumber.

The next day, Yutaka woke up early and had his coffee and some light breakfast before leaving the hotel in search of a flower shop so he could get a fresh bouquet-- but as he arrived there, he decided to buy some small potted flowers he could plant around his mother's grave, as they wouldn't wither like cut flowers. He chose to go with some cute and colourful pansies and even bought a small soil scoop he could use to help plant them. After he had everything he needed, he drove his way over to the cemetery, parking just outside of it. It was a beautiful day and Yutaka was glad. To him, although it was a weird thought to others, it was as if his mother was smiling at him. It was funny because every time he visited her grave, the weather was beautiful, except for the one time he had brought Saori with him: it rained heavily that day and they had to leave just a few minutes after they arrived because of the weather. He should've taken that as a sign that his mother did not approve of his ex.

After he finished cleaning up and planting the flowers, he sat next to her tombstone and thought of various things, anything except for work. There were maybe two other people in the cemetery, but they were far away from him, so it was quiet where he was sitting and could enjoy the peaceful feeling. The cemetery was just outside of the city and was mostly surrounded by fields, with only a handful of houses littered around it, but even those weren't very close.

On his way back to the hotel, an idea hit him: it had been a long time since the last time he had a haircut and thought he should do something new to his hair, something different. So he dialed one of Takanori's friends and hairstylist Kaolu's number, hoping he'd pick up.

“ _Yutaka! It's been a while. What do I owe the pleasure to?”_ Answered the chipper voice of said hairstylist.

“Hi Kaolu. It has been, huh? Listen, do you have any openings this week?”

“ _Finally decided to let me do something with your luscious locks?”_ The chuckle that followed those words made Yutaka laugh softly.

“Actually, yeah. I need something new and different, but something that won't get me in trouble at the office.”

“ _Maybe a trim and some highlights? I can book you in for tomorrow afternoon, how does that sound?”_

“Sure! I'll be getting back to Tokyo in the morning, so I'll stop by your salon.”

“ _Perfect. See you tomorrow, then?”_

“Yeah, thanks Kaolu. I'll see you tomorrow.” With that, the call ended and soon enough Yutaka was parking close to the hotel.

He spent the rest of his day wandering again and in the evening he stopped by an izakaya and had something to eat and a couple of drinks to wash away the feelings of sadness that overcame him earlier that day. In the end, he realized he was grateful for what he had and the people he had in his life and promised himself and his mother he would cherish the friends and family he had.

*

Yutaka's time away proved to be a good idea: he was able to relax, meditate and even figure out some things that were more or less bothering him. He felt he knew what he had to do, but was still hesitant about certain things, like his feelings towards Uruha: he was still debating if he should continue or end things with the actor, favouring the second option, despite how scary it was. It was never easy to end things with someone he liked, but it was for the better; it would save him the heartache later when he was bound to either be denied what he wanted or kept in that position and be taken advantage of.

Pushing those thoughts away, Yutaka made his way over to the salon his friend Kaolu owned, for his appointment. His flight had been delayed that morning, so he didn't have time to pass by his apartment and freshen up, which lead him to go straight to Shibuya where the hairstylist had his shop.

He was welcomed warmly as every other time he ended up there with Takanori, and even chatted with one of the other stylists who was free while Kaolu was finishing up some complicated style on a beautiful young woman. Fifteen minutes later, he was finally being attended to and was sat in front of a mirror.

“So. It seems that I finally get the honour of doing something else to Yutaka-sama's hair.” Kaolu said with a chuckle, which made Yutaka shake his head amused at him.

“What can I say, I decided it was time for a change.” He made himself comfortable in the chair as his stylist wrapped the cape around him to protect him from any falling hairs and dye.

“So, what did you decide on?” As he asked, he ran his fingers through the length of Yutaka's hair: his straight, black hair was now just past his shoulder blades, with no layers in it and a middle parting. He usually kept his hair in a low ponytail at work and didn't realize how long it had gotten.

“I was thinking of lightening my colour to a dark brown maybe and have lighter ends.”

“You mean like an ombre effect?”

“Whatever it's called.” He chuckled lightly.

“What do you think of layers too?”

After a moment of thinking, Yutaka nodded. “Yeah, sure. Something that'll look good.”

“I think I know what I'll do. I'll shorten it a bit too, if that's ok.”

“Go ahead.”

With that, Kaolu started working on Yutaka's hair. First, he put some bleach in his hair and let it sit for a while, time during which the two caught up on recent events in their lives. The last time Yutaka had seen the hairstylist was probably six months prior, when he joined Takanori to get his hair done and then went to an art exhibition a friend of his was hosting. He found out that Kaolu was recently single and the latter told him almost every detail of how it happened – was it really that dramatic or did Kaolu just made it seem dramatic? Either way, chatting with him was entertaining. As the bleach needed to stay in his hair for longer, Kaolu left his side to go help out one of his other coworkers with figuring out what colour combination she needed for a specific hair colour. Once the wait time was over, he had to go have his hair washed and then cut, and Yutaka had to admit it was captivating to watch the way Kaolu worked. And what he liked about the man was that he cut the hair and styled it in a way that pleased his customers, but also that looked good on them. And even with his hair the way it was, in a light coppery brown colour and wet, he could tell it was going to look good. Once it was cut, Kaolu put the dye in his hair, making sure to get the right colour and let it sit for roughly thirty minutes.

The end result was great: Yutaka's hair was now chocolate brown that faded into a lighter brown and layered, with side-swept bangs. He had to admit he really liked the look and thought it suited him a lot better than his plain black locks.

On his way home, Yutaka randomly thought about what a nice couple Takanori and Kaolu would make. The stylist was clearly smitten with his friend, but Takanori didn't seem to notice it. However, Yutaka never meddled between them. They all had met just a few years prior, when Takanori needed a last minute look change for one of his exhibits. As per the tattoo artist, he had to look perfect and in theme with his art. They had stumbled into Kaolu's salon and the stylist took pity on them-- although Yutaka was almost certain it wasn't pity, it was most likely related to his attraction towards the smaller man.

He kept himself busy on his train ride home with similar thoughts and then remembered his phone was still turned off, so he changed that. He gave the device a few moments as it turned on and loaded all the apps, but then it was as if all hell broke loose as he kept getting notifications for a good two or three solid minutes. After the buzzing calmed down, Yutaka first checked the group chat, where he saw a new name, so he scrolled all the way up until the last time he was in there and read through the messages: the new name seemed to belong to Kouyou and Yutaka didn't know how to feel about that. Yes, he liked the guy and all, but he didn't know him that well just yet. Most of their conversations were about meaningless things and – Kouyou was a really funny guy, he realized. He caught himself laughing at some of his bad jokes and liked what a happy-go-lucky guy he was. He had to admit, he didn't mind it _that_ much that he was added to their group chat after reading all that.

It wasn't a very long ride to get to Harumi and soon enough Yutaka was walking in his apartment building and making his way over to the elevator. After reaching his floor, he walked over to his apartment and unlocked the door, only to see something he never thought he would, something that shocked him and made him just stand there, watching the two people making out in his hallway.

“Kira?” He called out quietly, knowing that mop of blond hair anywhere, and the said man pulled away from the person he was kissing, which made Yutaka stare even more. “Nessie? The fuck's going on here?” As his words left his lips, Akira stepped away from the girl and the two were looking at Yutaka in shock, their faces reddening. The now brown-haired man closed the door behind him so his neighbours wouldn't hear what was going on.

“Yuta! I-I didn't know you were going to be home so early!” The girl said, trying to pull herself together and at least appear less shocked and... guilty.

“Yuta, I can explain. I-”

“We're together, nii-chan. We've been together for over a year now, but wanted to keep it a secret.” Nessie cut Akira off and wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's, making the blond look at her, surprised. “ **Please don't be too mad at us. I'm the one at fault here. I convinced him to date me.** ” She continued in English, knowing Akira didn't know English that well – or so she hoped.

“ **You didn't trust me enough to tell me?** ” Yutaka replied back in English and then saw the confused look on his friend's face.

“I have no idea what you guys are saying, but... please don't be too mad at us?” He had an apologetic look on his face as he spoke.

“You're almost eleven years older than her, Kira!” Yutaka didn't even know why he was mad at them. He loved the two a lot and he knew Akira was a good man and that he'd take care of his sister, but at the same time he was surprised about it and a bit sad that they didn't tell him and he had to find out like that. “You can't just--”

“Yutaka.” The way Nessie said his name made him shut up and turned his attention to her. “Just... be happy for us? For me? We both know Aki's a good guy and that I'm in good hands.” She was right and Yutaka knew it.

With a sigh and a head shake, he gave up. “Fine. Just... I'm gonna kill you both if you hurt each other, got it?” He narrowed his eyes at them. “At least I know I can beat him up _easily_ if he tries anything.” He said with a smirk and threw his thumb in Akira's direction.

“Hey! I'm right here, you know.” Akira's words of mock indignation made Yutaka chuckle.

“You guys are lucky I love you both. If you had been someone else, Kira, I would've cut off your hands for even touching her.” He winked at his friend and saw him visibly swallow.

“Hey! Don't cut off my boyfriend's hands, okay? I still need them! I mean-- he still needs them.” Yutaka rose an eyebrow as the girl blushed furiously, followed by Akira. The only one who didn't clue in was Yutaka.

“Okay, fine. Did you guys eat? I'm starving.” In the heat of the moment, he almost forgot he changed his look until Nessie stepped up to him and examined him with narrowed eyes before beaming at him.

“I love this new look on you! It makes you look younger and cooler.” She smirked and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. It was a bit of an awkward position, seeing how she was almost his height, but Yutaka hugged her back.

“Thanks. I just got it done. I needed a change, you know?” Nodding, the girl let go of him and stepped away.

“Was it that or a certain someone?” She smirked again and wiggled her eyebrows at him, making Yutaka blush slightly and purse his lips.

“No. I did it for myself. I--”

“Wait. Are you dating someone, Yuta??” Akira asked, taken by surprise. “You didn't tell us!”

With a sigh, Yutaka slipped out of his shoes and took off his jacket, hanging it. “Actually, I'm not really dating anyone. We're just... sleeping together.” As he looked back at his friend, he saw his expression darken.

“It's not that witch, is it?” Akira asked in a low tone, eyeing Yutaka. “Because if it's her, I'll--”

“It's not her, don't worry.” Yutaka cut him off. “Remember she's been trying to blackmail me? Why would I be with her?” Despite how smart Akira was, sometimes Yutaka wondered if he really was that sharp.

“Oh. You're right. Who is it, then?”

“I...” He glanced over at his sister and saw her expectant look, but decided to ignore it. He knew what she wanted him to do and he was _not_ going to come out to Akira, not in that moment. “It doesn't matter. It's someone.” He shrugged lightly and slipped past the two into the living area and walked over to the fridge to see what food he had left.

With everything weighing on him, Yutaka was considering taking a vacation sooner than he initially planned, to disconnect and relax. He knew it was going to be hard for him to break things off with Uruha, so he decided to wait until that moment came, that way he could be away from Tokyo for a week or two and had enough time to pull himself together. He never really coped very well with break-ups and seeing how he was starting to like the actor, he knew it was going to be hard. Either way, Yutaka hadn't yet decided what to do, so in the meantime he settled for ordering some food for the three of them.

*

When he returned to the office the next day, as it was still during the week, his coworkers almost didn't recognize him with his new hairstyle. But the ladies seem to talk to him more, for some odd reason. It wasn't a huge difference in look, but it seemed to attract the attention of others. Yutaka was mildly surprised and relieved when the higher-ups didn't seem to question his new look.

That day he was able to see Yuu as his friend stopped by to drop off some files and they chatted for a bit, with Yuu complimenting his new look and asking him about his trip. However, since they were both busy they had to return to work with the promise of hanging out that weekend.

When he was finally done with work for the day, the sun had already set and it was dark outside. The pleasant breeze made the air feel less humid than during the day and Yutaka welcomed it. As he was leisurely walking to his car, he heard a familiar voice call out his name and he sighed, recognizing it.

“Yutaka, wait!” He was about to open his car door when he heard his name being called again and turned around, only to see Saori standing there in front of him.

“I thought I asked you to stay away from me, Saori. Why are you here?” His tone was ice-cold and Yutaka could swear he saw her wince at that.

“Look, I...” She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away from him. “I'm sorry for everything. I just... realized what I lost and I thought I could get you back...” Her demeanour seemed almost genuine, but Yutaka didn't buy it.

He watched her quietly for a few moments before speaking up. “You're five years too late. Besides, now that I know how cruel and manipulative you can be, I want even less to be with you or have anything to do with you. And how the hell do you keep finding me?” He was feeling irritated and all he wanted to do was to go home, grab a beer and relax.

“I... What if I told you I'm trying to change? I'm slowly realizing what a mean person I've been and I want to make it up to you...” She looked up at him with remorse in her eyes, but Yutaka still didn't believe it.

“Look, Saori... go find yourself another man. I'm not interested and I'm not available anymore. Make something of yourself. If you really want to prove to me you want to change, do it. I forgave you for everything you put me through, but I will not accept to be with you, not anymore.” By the end, his voice gradually softened as he spoke.

She looked at him quietly, taking in his words and cleared her throat before speaking again. “C-can I hug you one last time, at least?” Saori looked up at him tentatively, suddenly shy.

“Sure.” Yutaka answered with a sigh and the woman all but threw herself at him wrapping her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. Yutaka, however, didn't hug her back, instead lightly patting her back, hoping she'd let go soon.

“You always smelled so good, Yuta.” She mumbed into his chest and inhaled his scent before letting go of him and looking up at the brown-haired man with a hint of a smile. “I hope next time we meet you'll be proud of me and maybe we can become friends.”

“Let's take it one step at a time, okay?” He sketched a small smile as he looked at her.”Now go home before it gets too late.” Yutaka was debating if he should give her a ride, but he didn't trust her anymore, so he didn't offer. The bottle of beer in his fridge was calling his name and he really wanted to get back home to it.

“Okay. I'll see you later, Yuta!” With a short bow, she walked away from him, Yutaka watching her back as she did so.

“Bye...” He mumbled to himself and got into the car, starting the engine and driving away.

On his way home, he wondered if Saori was being genuine or was acting again. He felt sad that she was that way after seeing her for the first time in years and hoping to win her heart. But after getting to know her true nature, he knew he didn't want to go through it anymore, he didn't want to get hurt like that again or even worse, used.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I hope you won't be mad at me, but I'm kinda stuck. This fic caught up to me, so now I've been working on chapter 10 for a couple of weeks (life's been busy, plus other stuff). So please be patient with me! After this chapter I'll update as soon as possible!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

 

Several days passed since his last meeting with Saori and he was so preoccupied with work that he was sort of intentionally neglecting his phone and also his friends. He had a lot of things to think about and didn't really need or want the distraction he knew they would pose. The biggest decision he had to make was if he wanted to continue things with Uruha or end it all before either of them got hurt in the process. Yutaka could feel that he was slowly developing more feelings for the actor and it scared him. He didn't feel ready to commit to anyone and... what if Uruha decided he wasn't worth his investing his time anyway? Yutaka couldn't let himself fall prey to his feelings again or he'd end up hurt like when Saori left him.

Since it was the weekend already, Yutaka was lying around in his living room, enjoying a drink, and decided to open their group chat. He was almost startled when he was bombarded with messages and had to leave it for a few minutes to let everything update, then proceeded to skim through their conversation. It was then when he noticed another name he didn't recognize and wondered who it was.

_Leader: Hey guys, how's it going?_ He typed into the chat and it was only several minutes later that he received a reply.

_Flower boy: Where the hell are you, dude? Aren't you coming out today?_

_Shorty: Leave him alone, you dumbass. He's had a long week._ Yutaka smiled as Takanori defended him; but he was right, with him visiting Tokushima and then going back to work, it had been indeed a long week.

_Prince-kun: Yutaka-san! It's no fun without you hereeee~_

_Shorty: Don't mind him, Yuta. He's almost drunk. And Kira's getting there too._

_Leader: Where are you guys? Also, was that Shima-san?_

_Bird guy: Yeah. And he's eating all the pizza! Yuta, come save the pizza!_

Yutaka had to at least smile at how silly they were. If only he had the energy to socialize... he'd go hang out with them. But Yutaka felt tired and didn't want to be around people at that time.

_Flower boy: Yuta, you're missing out. We're playing strip poker and so far, Shima's the only one still fully clothed! We need you to come win this for us!_

_Leader: Maybe next time, guys. I have to go. I'll talk to y'all later. Don't get too drunk, okay?_

_Bird guy: Yes, mother._

Before anyone else could write anything, Yutaka logged out of the conversation and was about to put his phone down when he received two texts: One from Takanori and one from... Uruha. He opened the message from his friend first.

_Taka: “I haven't heard from you in a week. I hope your trip went well. If you need to talk, call me anytime, bro.”_

_Me: “Thanks, Taka. Everything was okay, I just... have a lot of things to think about. Sorry I didn't come over tonight. I'll make it up to you guys, I promise.”_

_Taka: “Just making sure you're alright. Ok, I gotta go. They're doing dumb shit again. Peace out.”_

_Me: “Thanks, bro. Go have fun!”_

Yutaka smiled to himself, seeing how concerned Takanori was. Despite him trying to put up a tough front, the smaller man was the most sensitive out of them and was really caring, despite his protests and denial.

_Uruha: “I haven't seen you in over a week or heard anything from you. Is everything alright?”_

He let out a quiet sigh as he felt bad that he hadn't even texted the actor to let him know he was going to disappear for a few days.

_Uruha: “I miss seeing you. When can I see you again?”_

Yutaka's heart skipped a beat as he read the first sentence, biting his lip as he felt slightly nervous.

_Me: “Sorry, I was out of town and forgot to let you know. Uh... I'm free tomorrow?_

_Uruha: “Coffee and breakfast? I'll bring both.”_

_Me: “That... actually sounds great, thanks!_

_Uruha: “I'll be there by 10 so you can sleep in a bit. How's that sound?”_

_Me: “Sounds good to me!”_

_Uruha: “What would you want to eat?”_

_Me: “I'm open to anything. I'm just allergic peppers, but I'm good with anything else.”_

_Uruha: “Got it. I'll see you tomorrow, then? I'm about to head out.”_

_Me: “See you tomorrow!”_

Yutaka found himself smiling lightly at the thought that he was going to see the actor again. Yes, he did think things between them should end sooner rather than later, but he also wanted to see more of him. Every time he met up with Uruha, the latter made him feel wanted with his small and kind gestures, with his gentle touches and quiet compliments. Compared to his on-screen persona, the Uruha that Yutaka got to know was almost like a different person; he wasn't complaining, however, as he enjoyed their little moments where the actor would press light kisses to his skin after both came down from their respective climaxes and lightly traced his fingers along his skin. Despite his anxiety, he did enjoy his time with the other and it made him a tiny bit happy to have his attention, which was going to make breaking things off harder for him. He was scared of his feelings for Uruha evolving from the crush he had on the man and he knew it was probably for the best: they were compatible, Yutaka could tell, but their positions in society didn't match up, although he really wished things could go forward.

With everything going on, Yutaka ended up drinking a few more beers, then switched to something stronger and it was on his second glass that he stared at and thought he needed to ease up on the alcohol; and yet, he finished that one off as well while watching TV, ending up passing out on the couch that night, covering himself with a blanket.

*

The next morning, Yutaka woke up to the sound of his front door buzzer going off and was surprised that he slept through the night without waking up even once. He felt rather tired as he sat up and stretched, then made his way over to the door to see who it was. He rubbed his eyes and noticed it was Uruha standing there and waiting, so Yutaka let him into the building. While the actor was making his way upstairs, he quickly went into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and wake up. As soon as he got out of the bathroom, he heard a soft knock on the door and went to open it, revealing a simply dressed Uruha, holding up a bag of what was probably food and wearing a soft smile on his lips. He blinked and stepped aside to let the actor enter before closing the door behind him.

“Good morning. Did I wake you up?” He asked as he slipped out of his shoes and offered the food to Yutaka, who took it with a light shake of his head.

“Don't worry about it. I had to wake up anyway.” He looked up at Uruha and soon felt plush lips against his and strong, lean arms wrapping around him. He felt butterflies in his stomach and had to admit he enjoyed it when the actor surprised him with actions like that.

“I'm sorry. But I can make it up to you.” He cupped one of Yutaka's cheeks and rubbed his thumb over it as he looked at the shorter man. “I missed you.” His words came out as a whisper and they made Yutaka smile lightly to himself, looking away as he felt shy, his cheeks turning a slight pink. He wasn't used to words like that anymore and to people who showed him kindness, other than his friends and family.

“I uh...” he bit his lower lip and then looked back up at the actor with a sleepy smile before leaning in to kiss him, receiving an approving hum from the other. He then pulled away moments later and wrapped his arms around Uruha's waist, hiding his face into his shoulder. “I'm not that great at expressing my feelings, I'll be honest, but... I uh...” Before he knew it, his head was tilted upwards and he felt that familiar pair of plush lips on his own again and hummed lightly in delight. Kissing Uruha was the best.

“I can tell you missed me too, don't worry.” He ran his long fingers lightly through Yutaka's hair, pushing it back and freeing his face. “You changed your hair colour. I like it. It suits you.” He smiled lightly and Yutaka felt his heart skip a beat. That smile of his was so mesmerizing and warm... “Let's eat. I haven't had breakfast eith-- shit, I forgot the coffee.” Yutaka chuckled softly and let go of him.

“I'll make it, don't worry. You brought food.” With a grin, he took Uruha by his wrist and lead him into the living area, setting the food down on the counter that also served as an eating spot, before he busied himself with making coffee. “So my sister asked me when she can see you again. I think she fell in love with you.” Yutaka chuckled from his spot, glancing over at the actor who sat down on one of the high stools at the counter. “You sure are popular.”

“Oh, did she? Well, tell her I said 'hi'. Your sister's adorable and very pretty.”

“Hey, hands off her! She's dating one of my friends anyway. It... feels a bit weird thinking about it.” As the coffee was brewing, Yutaka leaned against the counter and watched the raven-haired man lean on his elbows.

“Don't worry, I have my eyes set on someone else.” Seeing Uruha wink at him, Yutaka had to roll his eyes amused and try not to let himself feel embarrassed; he was pretty sure the man was talking about him. He turned to the coffee machine once it was done and poured the dark liquid in two cups he grabbed from the cupboard above. “How do you take your coffee?”

“A bit of milk and sugar in it, thanks.” With a nod, Yutaka turned back to his two mugs and prepared Uruha's the way he wanted it and left his black, then brought them over to where the taller man was sitting, offering it to him. “Thanks.” With a small smile, Uruha sipped from the mug and held it with both his hands.

“You're welcome.” Yutaka set his coffee aside after taking a sip and then opened the bag with the food inside it, surprised at what he saw. “No way... You got me a bagel with egg and bacon? How did you know?” Yutaka beamed at the man, suddenly very awake. One of his favourite breakfast foods was just that: toasted everything bagel with butter, fried, bacon and cheese, no lettuce or tomato. With his smile still on his lips, he glanced over at the actor before picking up the food and biting into it, humming in delight and closing his eyes as he enjoyed it.

“I remember you telling me you lived in Canada for a while, so I thought I'd bring you something you find there. It's not exactly the same, I know, but I tried.” Uruha chuckled as he saw Yutaka pretty much devour the food.

“This actually tastes quite a lot like the stuff you get at Timmies.” He managed to say after finally swallowing his food. “This makes me so happy.” He chuckled lightly and grinned at Uruha, who in turn chuckled at his antics.

“You get so excited over the simplest things. It's endearing.” He stood up and leaned over the counter, pulling Yutaka closer to kiss his cheek.

“It's the simple things in life that make you happy. It's something I learned over the years.” With a small grin, he turned his head and caught Uruha's lips into a quick kiss. Why was the actor so addicting? Why couldn't Yutaka bring himself to end things between them before he got hurt? He felt cherished and revelled in the feeling, but deep down he knew it was fleeting and it was eating him on the inside, knowing that what they had going on had to eventually end.

“You sound like you've been through a lot.” Uruha tucked a few unruly strands behind the other's ear.

“I have and still kind of am. But... it's not really something I like to talk about. Not when such a gorgeous man is sitting in my kitchen.” The smirk he had on his lips turned into a small smile as he looked up at the actor, who chuckled softly.

“Flattery will get you anywhere. At least with me.” With a wink, he kissed the corner of Yutaka's mouth before sitting back down and returning his attention to his coffee, although he still kept his eyes on him.

“I figured that a while ago, hence why I'm doing it.” The way they were both acting towards each other made his heart warm up and Yutaka craved more. He was struggling with his feelings and just couldn't decide what to do; at the same time, breaking things off with Uruha seemed wrong.

Yutaka walked around the counter and over to Uruha's side with his coffee between his hands to warm him up, then sat on the bar stool next to him. He smiled lightly before leaning his head on the actor's shoulder, enjoying his presence, but then he felt an arm wrap around him to hold him in place, which Yutaka didn't mind one bit.

“You know... there's something I've been meaning to tell you--” Uruha started, but just as he was about to continue his thought, Yutaka's phone started vibrating and he pulled it out of his pocket, checking who the caller was.

“Shit, it's Kira. Do you mind if I take it?” He sat up and looked at the actor, who in turn nodded his consent. With a small smile, Yutaka pecked his lips and got up, placing his mug on the counter, then walked just a few feet away so he could pick up the call. “Hey, Kira. What's up?”

“ _Hey Yuta. I uh... wanted to ask you something. Not sure if I should do it over the phone or not.”_ Akira sounded somewhat confused and... upset?

“Go ahead. Unless it's something you feel embarrassed about.” He chuckled softly, trying to ease the atmosphere a bit.

“ _Okay. Well, uh... I intercepted this email not too long ago that Saori sent to your HR department. It... contained a photo with you and someone... kissing. From the looks of it, it was a guy. I-- are you gay, Yuta? I mean, it's okay if you are, I just... didn't know._

Yutaka felt his stomach drop at that statement and was shocked – he completely forgot about that email and said photo, he thought it was just another lie Saori told him. “O-oh. So she wasn't lying about the photo after all...” There was a long and heavy silence on the phone and when Yutaka glanced over at Uruha, the latter looked at him with a mildly confused expression.

“ _So it's true? That you're g--”_

“I'm not gay, Kira. It's harder to explain over the phone _and_ in Japanese, so I'll do it once we see each other. But... I'm not straight, no. The person in the photo... let's just say we're seeing each other.” He felt his cheeks burn slightly as he made eye contact with Uruha as he spoke, feeling a bit embarrassed. “I just... couldn't tell you guys, I'm sorry.”

“ _Yuta... I'm not judging you. I'm just sad you didn't tell us.”_

“It's not something I talk about here, Kira. I know I have no excuse, but... you've seen some of the things that happen to people like me. In Canada it's not that big of an issue if you're not straight, but here... it's different.”

“ _I guess... I can see where you're coming from. But... this means that diva Nori won the bet.”_

“Wait, what?” He asked, confused.

“ _Yeah. A while ago we bet on it: Nori said you're at least bi, but I said you're for sure straight. I owe him twenty-thousand yen now, thanks to you.”_ Akira chuckled softly, probably trying to de-tension the situation. Yutaka was surprised, but ended up smiling, knowing that his friend didn't judge him for who he was. _“Just... don't tell Nori yet. I don't wanna pay him.”_ Another chuckle graced Yutaka's ears and he shook his head lightly.

“I won't, don't worry. I'll... tell him and Yuu at some point. But please keep this to yourself, okay? I'm still trying to... figure things out.”

“ _Will do, bro. When are we getting together again? You owe me a drink.”_

“What? I don't owe you one!” Yutaka laughed softly.

“ _Yes, you do. For not telling.”_ Akira laughed on the other end of the line. _“Oh, I gotta go. Going out with Nessie.”_

“Take care of her, alright? Or I'll end you.” He grinned to himself, knowing his friend would take the threat seriously.

“ _Yessir. Akira out.”_

“Bye.” With a chuckle, Yutaka ended the call and slipped his phone back into his pocket, having mixed feelings about his conversation with Akira.

“I take it you came out to your friend?” Uruha was watching him quietly, sipping his coffee and Yutaka thought it was a gorgeous sight that he didn't mind waking up to.

“Yeah. And... it went pretty well, I think?” He managed a small smile as he walked back over to where the actor was sitting and wrapped his arms around his neck. He wanted to enjoy the time he had with him while trying to make up his mind.

“Sounds like it.” Uruha put the mug down on the counter and wrapped his arms around Yutaka's waist, pulling him closer and leaning in to gently nip on his neck.

Yutaka let out a breathy chuckle at the touch and closed his eyes for a moment. “Oh right. You were going to tell me something? Before I rudely interrup-- _ahh not there._ ” A quiet, shaky moan left his lips as the taller man nipped on one of his more sensitive spots. But then he opened his eyes as Uruha stopped, glancing up at Yutaka. There was a pause before Uruha spoke up again.

“Just that I like you. And that I always look forward to seeing you, even if it's not that often.” His soft voice made Yutaka melt in his embrace and hide his face in the crook of Uruha's neck, holding him, which made the actor chuckle quietly. “Are you being shy? You're a grown man, but sometimes you're just... _adorable_.”

“Hey!” Yutaka protested by lightly nipping on his neck. “Listen, you. Don't make fun of me.” Despite his words, his tone was playful as he secretly enjoyed the light teasing. “I... have to admit I like having you around too.” He could feel the guilt building up in the pit of his stomach as he spoke – he wasn't lying. People were just never that perfect and Yutaka knew that and had a feeling that even Uruha had his own secrets. He was starting to feel anxious again when he felt his jaw being gripped gently and plush lips against his.

“You were zoning out again.” he spoke softly, looking at Yutaka for a few long moments before lifting his chin more so they could make eye contact. And Yutaka tried hard not to stare at the man he was starting to have feelings for. Before either of them realized it, Yutaka pulled the actor in and kissed him passionately, wanting to taste and feel every inch of him.

As they kissed, Yutaka made Uruha spread his legs more so he could press himself against him, his fingers slipping into raven locks, but his hands were stopped by the actor who broke the kiss and was panting lightly against Yutaka's lips.

“Not the hair.” He whispered and kissed down Yutaka's jaw and neck, making the later close his eye, his nails digging into Uruha's clothed back. “You're so beautiful when you're vulnerable like this.” Yutaka opened his eyes slightly and looked at the actor's profile.

“I want you to touch me more, ravish me, _destroy me..._ ” He breathed out, feeling aroused the more Uruha continued touching him. His words clearly had an effect on him as well, as the latter stopped for a moment before standing up from his chair. With his arms still around the smaller man's waist, he started walking him backwards towards the hallway, but then Yutaka stopped him. “No. I want you to fuck me against the window.” Yutaka whispered as he looked at Uruha with eyes full of lust and want and _need_.

“Anything you want.” The taller man replied with a mildly surprised look on his face and instead pulled him back, turned them around and walked them both over to the glass wall overlooking the bay, kissing and touching as much as he could.

For the time being, Yutaka put aside his anxious thoughts as he focused solely on the man who was wrapped around him, about to give him the time of his life. He knew he shouldn't being doing what he was doing, he knew it would just break his heart even more, but he couldn't help it; Yutaka was addicted to Uruha and he was having a hard time denying it. But all that mattered in that moment was just the two of them and the strong chemistry between them.

Uruha always made him feel good and whole, the actor filling him perfectly. If Yutaka believed in destiny, he'd say they were meant to be together, but unfortunately he didn't believe in it, so he was left with only the hope that he could experience something like that again during his lifetime.

Yutaka instructed the actor on where he kept his lube and condoms and the man quickly grabbed them, preparing his lover for what was about to come. Yutaka poured all his feelings into it and craved more, the actor making him lose himself in his pleasure. Nothing else was on his mind except for the tall, dark-haired, fair-skinned, _gorgeous_ man who was giving him exactly what he wanted in that moment and he didn't need to think of anything else. He was savouring every second of their time spent together.

By the time both of them felt satisfied, they were spent and before they both collapsed, Uruha sat them both on the couch with Yutaka on his lap, strong and secure arms wrapped around his lean but muscular frame. He wiggled a bit so he could sit sideways on the actor's lap, leaning against him and wrapping his arms loosely around the taller man's waist, just enjoying the moment. When he calmed down a bit and looked up, he saw Uruha looking at him with an intense gaze, which made Yutaka's heart beat faster. The actor was gorgeous and kind and treated him like he was made of glass, but it wasn't a bad thing. After having his heart broken before, Yutaka appreciated how gentle the actor was and was still awed that he was completely different than the Uruha on-screen.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by plush lips on his once again and Yutaka smiled lightly into the gentle kiss before pulling away slightly and resting his head against the raven-haired man's shoulder.

“I ruined your shirt. Sorry.” Despite his apology, Yutaka smiled lightly to himself, happy with himself that he got Uruha to go a second time. That second time, Yutaka faced him as the taller man pressed him against the glass wall and ended up coming between their bodies.

“It's just a shirt. It'll wash out.” The actor replied, pressing a kiss to Yutaka's hair before tightening his hold slightly on him. Yutaka hummed in response, fiddling with the hem of the shirt.

They enjoyed each other's presence in silence and Yutaka felt this warmth inside him, mixed with a feeling of anxiety. And then it dawned on him.

He was in love with Uruha.

He felt suddenly overwhelmed as the thought occurred him and hid his face in the crook of Uruha's neck to try to keep calm somehow and not freak out about it. Yutaka didn't want to voice his thoughts, knowing it could work against him. He didn't want to get hurt anymore; what if Uruha didn't feel the same way? Or worse, what if he rejected Yutaka if he confessed his feelings for him?

Things had to end before he fell deeper into the hole he dug for himself.

“You're awfully cuddly.” He heard Uruha's soft yet deep voice bring him back to reality.

“You smell nice.” Yutaka mumbled against his skin and slowly let go of the actor so he could get up. “W-we should clean ourselves. You can go take a shower if you want.” He pried himself away from those strong arms and stood up, picking up their clothes and handing Uruha's pants and underwear and pulled on his boxers for the time being.

Uruha stood up and cupped Yutaka's face with both palms, kissing him softly, the latter returning the kiss eagerly. “After I clean up, I have to leave. I hope you don't mind.” Yutaka shook his head lightly in response.

“Don't worry about it.” He tried a faint smile. “I have a few things to do too.” Yutaka keeping himself together rather well, given his new found feelings. “I'll grab you a towel.” He said, looking away from the actor as he slipped away and left the room. He did as promised and placed a towel in the bathroom for Uruha. “Bathroom's all yours.” He called out and went searching for his phone. He waited until he heard the shower running before he unlocked his phone to check it: two missed calls from Takanori, a text from him and one from his sister. He decided to check his sister's text first.

_Nessie: “Nii-chan, I need your help. I need a male model for next week, but he has to be in his 30s. It's a school project I'm working on. And Aki already said no :( Taka-nii is busy and... I'd rather not ask Yuu-nii >_>”_

The text was sent just a few hours prior, so he hoped he wasn't too late in replying.

_Me: “As long as you won't dress me up in something embarrassing, sure. When next week?”_

Several moments later, he received a reply.

_Nessie: “Omg I love you!! Next Friday afternoon. I'll give you more details then.”_

_Me: “Okay! I'll clear my afternoon schedule. Text me the time and location and I'll be there.”_

_Nessie: “Thanks, Yuta! You're the best!! I have to go now.”_

_Me: “Have fun! And don't drink too much.”_

He couldn't say no to his little sister, now could he? He held his breath as he checked the text from Takanori.

_Nori: “Dude. Call me asap.”_

Yutaka sighed softly, not really feeling like calling his friend. Instead, he texted him back.

_Me: “I can't call right now. You'll have to text. What's up?”_

The reply was almost immediate and Yutaka was taken by surprise.

_Nori: “I KNEW YOU WEREN'T STRAIGHT. I JUST KNEW IT”_

_Me: “Uh... you did?”_

_Nori: “That means I won the bet!! Thanks bro ;) “_

_Me: “Okay, but how did you know?”_

_Nori: “I'm gay, remember? I can smell non-straight people a mile away. But with you... you always acted /so straight/”_

_Me: “O...kay... You do know that non-straight people are just like any other person, right? Well, except for you. You're super gay”_

_Nori: “Hey! I'll take that as a compliment. I have better fashion tastes than you, Kira and Yuu combined. This is great, though. Now I have someone to go to gay bars with.”_

_Me: “You're... taking this rather well. And you seem to be in a good mood?”_

_Nori: “I am! Drinks are on me next time we go out! Btw... does Yuu know?”_

_Me: “No... not yet. I'll tell him in person. You know how he gets.”_

_Nori: “Okay. Stop by my shop tomorrow. Oh, right, don't tell Kira I talked to you about this. He feels bad for outing you.”_

Yutaka heard the water being turned off, so he wanted to end the conversation before Uruha left the bathroom – he wasn't even sure why he was being so secretive about using his phone.

_Me: “Don't worry, I won't. I have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow.”_

With that, he locked his phone and placed it back on the couch and left the room. Just then, Uruha got out of the bathroom all fresh and clean. Yutaka smiled lightly at him as he stepped closer. Uruha wrapped an arm around Yutaka's waist and pulled him closer, kissing him softly. “I can't wait to see you again.” His words were soft as they left his lips and Yutaka found himself smiling softly.

“You should go. I need to shower too.” He looked up at the man and felt the affection he had for him mix with the anxiety of his feelings and he tried his best to hold it all in so the actor wouldn't notice.

“I'll text you when I have some free time to see if you want to meet up.” With another peck to Yutaka's lips, Uruha let go of him and walked over to the genkan to put his shoes on and grab his jacket. Yutaka was quiet this whole time as he watched the other get ready to leave, but before Uruha opened the door to step out, Yutaka stopped him and pressed a daring kiss to his lips.

“I'll see you later.” He whispered and got a smile as a response before Uruha was out the door and gone. Once he locked the door, Yutaka let out what sounded like a mix of a sigh and a sob, wrapping his arms around himself. He did not allow himself to cry, but the feelings were overwhelming him.

However, he had made his decision: he was going to break things up with Uruha before he got hurt even more than he already felt. Despite his decision, however, a part of him wanted to love Uruha with all he had, he knew he was capable of it. But life was never on his side when it came to relationships and Yutaka vowed himself to remain single and close his heart to any similar emotions. And yet his heart didn't agree with him and his decision, it wanted to love freely and make him happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for Yutaka OTL


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! My life became very busy all of a sudden and it's hard to sit down and write (I also struggled with a bit of writer's block OTL)  
> Side note: Kai's look is inspired by the one on the Dogma PV, to give you guys an idea :D

Yutaka couldn't sleep that night after his revelation, tossing and turning in bed until it was pretty much time to wake up. So he did just that and got ready for the day. However, the only thing that was on his mind was how he was going to tell Uruha they should end things, knowing he'd end up being heartbroken over losing what he had with the actor. It was for the best, in his opinion, but part of him was still hesitant to let got. After he arrived at the office, he realized Yuu was there, so he was going to ask for his opinion on the matter.

At lunch time, Yutaka made his way over to where his friend's department was, at the other end of the hallway, as he had to take some paperwork over to Yuu's boss, and stopped by the raven-haired man's desk to ask him to join him for lunch. Yutaka thought they should go to one of the small restaurants in the vicinity rather than grab something from the Starbucks downstairs, wanting to eat an actual meal, knowing he was going to be there late again.

Not too long after, the two met in front of the elevator and rode it together and a short walk later they entered one of the ramen shops just down the street from their office.

“So what's the special occasion? You never take a lunch.” Leaning back in his chair, Yuu looked at Yutaka with a raised eyebrow and a curious expression on his face. “Let alone invite me along.”

“Actually...” Yutaka rested his elbows on the table, hesitating to speak his mind. “I need your advice. It's a subject you're an expert on.”

“Yes, you do have to use condoms.” Yuu rolled his eyes, then chuckled, Yutaka shaking his head at his friend's antics.

“Not that, I know I need to use them. Last time I didn't, it wasn't pretty, remember?” He shook his head as he remembered that one time. “Anyway. I uh... A few months ago I told you I was seeing someone...” He trailed off, watching his friend closely for any kind of reaction. “But things got complicated in the meantime. It started off as just sex, but then...” He hung his head and sighed. “I think I may have developed stronger feelings for that person.”

“Isn't that a good thing, though? I mean, I'm happy for you as long as whoever you're dating isn't like Saori.” Yuu made a face of disgust just at the mention of her name.

“Well...” Yutaka licked his lips as he looked up at him. “I don't know... There's another issue, though.” He took a deep breath to keep himself calm. “The person I'm seeing is actually a... guy.” His eye didn't leave his friend and he was shocked that the other didn't seem to be surprised by the revelation.

“Oh... is that what you're worried about? Is he at least good-looking? He better be.” Yuu smirked and Yutaka just sat there in shock.

“You're... not surprised to find this out? Kira and Nori were... I mean--”

“Oh, I already knew you're into guys.” Yuu smiled softly at his friend and it made Yutaka very happy to know his friend didn't hate him, both for keeping it a secret and also for his preferences.

“Since when? I tried to be careful about it.”

“Yuta, I've known you for what, over ten years? I had my suspicions for the longest time and then I saw you go home with a guy. At first I thought he was a woman because he was so good-looking.” He let out a soft chuckle. “I think this happened about four years ago? Or five? It was some time after that bitch disappeared and you were trying to get over her by having lots of sex.” Yutaka groaned at that, remembering perfectly well that dark period of his life.

He felt embarrassed that he didn't know that his friend knew, especially since he was trying so hard to hide that part from the world. He was also still shocked to know that Yuu knew for a while now and not once did he confront him about it. “Why did you never tell me you knew?”

“It wasn't my business. If you wanted to tell me, you would've. I'm not going to just out you like that, I have more respect for you than that. Besides, who cares? You're not hurting anyone if you pursue what you enjoy, so I have no problem with it.” He shrugged lightly and Yutaka wanted to get up and give him a tight hug. “But just to be clear, I'm not gay, so I'm off-limits, okay?” Yuu laughed softly and Yutaka smiled broadly at him.

“Don't worry, you're not even my type. I like handsome guys.”

“Hey! Are you saying I'm not?? I'll kick your butt.” He threatened Yutaka playfully. “Listen, you--”

“Okay, okay, let's just order food, Mr. I'm-not-gay.” Before he knew it, Yuu pinched his arm harshly to punish him for his insolence, which earned him a whine from Yutaka before both of them started laughing.

“So when do I get to meet this secret guy of yours?” Yuu wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, to which Yutaka rolled his eyes.

“I don't... think that'll happen. I'm breaking things up with him.” His smile disappeared and was replaced with a sad expression. “I think it's for the best. Although he's the closest thing to perfection, Yuu... He's tall, handsome, kind and I've never met someone like him before.” He leaned back in his seat and picked up the menu, trying to distract himself.

“Wow, you talk about him as if you're in love with him or something.” Yutaka glanced up at him, then looked away, Yuu's eyes widening. “You _are_ in love with him, aren't you? Then why break things off if he makes you happy?”

“Because we live in two different worlds. In his line of work it's accepted, but not in ours. I don't want to lose my job over this...”

“You're an idiot, Yuta.” Yuu spoke, frowning lightly at his friend. “Work is not more important than your own self, you know. Stop putting work above everything else. I get it, you love your job and so do I, but you need to let yourself feel again. You can't run away forever!” Yutaka was quiet as he was scolded by the other, knowing Yuu was right. “Don't break up with him. Give him a chance.” His words were almost pleading and Yutaka felt guilty. “You've suffered enough and you deserve someone good.”

“I-I don't want to be in a relationship, Yuu. It never ends well for me.”

“You're just lying to yourself, Yuta. You asked for my opinion, so this is it: if you're happy, don't let go of what you have or you'll end up regretting it.” In fact, Yuu himself let go of someone he loved because he thought she deserved better. “And if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.”

“You still regret letting Mina go, don't you?” Yutaka asked quietly as he watched his friend, the latter letting out a sigh.

“I do and I don't want you to make the same mistake I did.” He rubbed his face lightly and slumped in his chair.

Yutaka was about to say something when the server came to take their orders and he decided on gyoza and tempura as he didn't feel as hungry anymore. After Yuu placed his order, the girl left and Yutaka leaned in.

“This is hard for me, Yuu.” He said in a quiet voice, watching his friend. “I like waking up next to him, I like it when he holds me, it makes me feel safe. I--” Yutaka let out a quiet sigh and his gaze dropped on the table. “But I can't be with him. I can't jeopardize my career because of my stupid feelings. And what if people find out? They'd just--”

“Screw what other people think!” Yuu raised his voice slightly and they both glanced around as they felt people watching them. Yutaka bowed his head apologetically and Yuu did the same. “You're my best friend and I care a lot about you. Seeing you so miserable is heartbreaking.” He lowered his voice again as he spoke and looked at Yutaka. Then, he let out another sigh. “It's your decision in the end. I just want you to be happy.”

Yutaka smiled lightly at his friend, it warmed his heart to know that he cared. “I will be, don't worry. I'll think about it some more, okay?” Despite his promise, Yutaka had already decided to end things with Uruha, as painful as it was for him.

Yuu snorted and shook his head lightly. “We both know you won't. Once you've made up your mind, there's no changing it. Sometimes it's a bit frustrating.” He chuckled softly and the tension between them started to dissipate.

“Shh you know you love me.” Yutaka smiled at him and the reaction he received was Yuu rolling his eyes at him. “Oh by the way. I think I'm going to finally get that eye surgery. It's such a pain to not be able to see without glasses. And I feel like it's getting worse...”

“Aww but glasses look good on you!” Yuu teased.

“Listen, you little shit.” He chuckled. “I look good without them too. Plus, when you're making out with someone, it can be a pain. And even now I'm having a hard time putting in contact lenses.”

“Okay, okay. When do you wanna get it done?”

“I'll find out in a few days. I've made an appointment to see a specialist this week and they'll tell me.”

“Ohh okay. Well let me know if you need my help with anything.”

“Sure will.” Yutaka smiled lightly.

They enjoyed their lunch while chatting about anything and everything and Yutaka laughed at Yuu's bad jokes when one left his mouth. His jokes were always terrible, but they still made Yutaka laugh – probably the only one in their little group to do so.

Once they were done with lunch, they both returned to the office to continue their work, but Yutaka wasn't as focused as he usually was, the issue with Uruha still on his mind. He knew it was the logical thing to do, but... his heart told him it was the wrong thing to do. However, the last time Yutaka followed his heart, he had it broken by Saori and couldn't trust himself or his feelings anymore, so he preferred to think about things from a logical standpoint.

***

After his discussion with Yuu, Yutaka was torn between breaking up and giving Uruha a chance. Who knew, maybe his friend was right: maybe things _would_ work out for them and between them.

The only time he didn't think about the whole situation was when he was at work and kept himself busy. Although even then, sometimes it was hard not to think about it.

Over the next few days, he didn't contact Uruha at all and even when the latter messaged him or called him, he didn't respond back in any way. Yutaka felt like he was being unfair with how he was acting, but he couldn't let himself be hurt again. Just the thought of not seeing the actor again made his heart ache and he hadn't even broken things off with him.

His work kept him relatively busy, however, and most nights he left the office well past ten. He wanted to tire himself out enough to pass out as soon as he got home and not think of anything that was bothering him. And on most nights his plan succeeded.

By the end of the week, all he wanted to do was go home and sleep for the next century or two so he could recharge and be in great shape for work. It was the Friday of the photo shoot and Yutaka had almost forgotten about it had his sister not reminded him of it. At some point during lunch he took a break and went to have a smoke in a quieter area, which happened to be on one of the higher levels of the building and had a nice view of the surrounding area. Yutaka realized that despite how much he loved his job, he sometimes felt like he was working _too_ much and he wanted a break from everything. Maybe he could go visit his family in Canada or even go on vacation somewhere warm... he still hadn't taken his vacation yet, so why not?

He left work early that day so he could head out to where the photo shoot was being held and he realized it was not too far away from his office. It was busier than he'd expected, with several photo shoots happening at the same time, it seemed, throughout the building and Yutaka saw people wearing all sorts of fashion styles, from minimalist to decora to lolita and other subdued or flamboyant looks.

He eventually found the room he was looking for and saw his sister fussing over a female model as she tried to dress her and make her look good for the shoot. He cleared his throat to get her attention and some people looked in his direction. When Nessie finally turned around, she gave him a broad smile and walked over to him.

“You made it!” She linked her arm with his and pulled him inside, introducing him to the makeup artist and a few other fellow students in charge with styling. “Hoshiko-san will be doing your makeup and hair in a bit. We just have to wait because they're finishing another photo shoot.” As she spoke, she nodded in the direction of another room which Yutaka assumed was where the whole thing was going to take place.

“Genni-chan, I can take him now.” The stylist spoke as the girl sitting in her chair got up and walked away with her makeup and hair done, thanking her.

“Alright. Yuta, you're up.” Nessie grinned at him and pushed him towards the chair. “Hoshiko-san, I'd like you to meet my older brother, Yutaka.” Both Yutaka and the other woman bowed lightly as they were introduced to each other and he was asked to take a seat so she could do her magic, as Nessie put it.

Yutaka was in the chair for about half an hour or so and as soon as his look was revealed, he was surprised to see himself: he looked different and he kind of liked it. He had a bit of a smokey eye going on and his eyebrows were groomed and sculpted nicely to fit his handsome face and even had a bit of contouring done to bring out his facial features more. His hair was backcombed and poofed up a bit, which gave it volume, but also made him look like a host and Yutaka had mixed feelings about that. Once he was done with hair and makeup, his sister dragged him along to another room to pick out some clothes for him to wear, going with a variety of styles.

With everything set to go, Yutaka changed into the first set of clothes and started posing for the camera. He needed a few pointers here and there, but overall he wasn't too bad at it, as per what the photographer was saying. He randomly thought that what he was doing was probably easy for Uruha and that he probably looked like an amateur compared to him... not that he wasn't an amateur; he didn't really have a lot of experience.

One thought lead to another and Yutaka started to feel slightly depressed and anxious about the whole situation with the actor: he still hadn't texted him back or anything and he was hoping he'd just fall off the face of the planet and not have to face his crush. And maybe, just _maybe_ Uruha would forget about him too... and as he thought that, he felt his heart crumble some more. He didn't really want the actor to move on and forget about him and he knew it was a selfish thought. But was it really only his decision to make? He mentally asked himself if he should even discuss things with Uruha or just break things off without any notice.

The photo shoot continued for a bit longer and Yutaka changed outfits probably six or seven times, he lost count. He _was_ given a break, however, for him to drink some water and sit down and relax for about five or so minutes before they continued.

It was starting to get late and they were finally wrapping up the photo shoot when Yutaka realized he needed to go to the bathroom. He was told where it was and almost ran towards it, unable to hold it in anymore. While in there, he had some peace and quiet and again the same thoughts came to haunt him. With a sigh, he finished up and washed his hands before he left the bathroom, casually walking back to the dressing room. He was so distracted by his thoughts that he didn't realize he took a wrong turn and was walking down a different corridor, which was much quieter than the one where his sister was.

He stopped in his tracks and looked around as he snapped back to reality and blinked: he was lost. However, he kept walking, hoping to find someone and ask for directions so he could get back. Just as he was passing by another dressing room, he heard a familiar laughter and felt confused for a moment, but backtracked a bit and stood in the doorway to see who was in there: only two people were in the room, a man sitting in a chair and a woman who looked like a makeup artist. But then his eyes fell on the man's back as it was being covered with foundation and felt even more confused.

“Shima?” He called out quietly, recognizing that amazing back tattoo as belonging to Kouyou, his friend. But the person had long black hair. It was only when the man turned around that Yutaka's heart stopped beating, shock overtaking him: it wasn't Kouyou, it was Uruha.

“Yutaka?” An equally shocked actor looked back at him and turned into his seat. “What are you doing here?” His words were quiet as he was most likely wasn't expecting to see Yutaka there.

“You... You're Takashima too, aren't you?” The anger and confusion and hurt made his head spin. He was staring the actor down, frowning, his eyes burning a hole through the man's head. Yutaka had even forgotten that the stylist was still in the room. He felt betrayed and hurt and was very close to walking over and punching the actor where he sat for betraying him like that.

“Please let me explain...” Uruha stood up and attempted to take a few steps forward.

“No. Don't contact me again.” With that, Yutaka turned on his heels and walked away fast, feeling like he was about to cry out of anger and frustration. He couldn't believe he was lied to like that, he couldn't believe he fell in love with a man like that, someone who probably only wanted to screw with him and then throw him away. Yutaka felt _exactly_ like he did five years prior when Saori left him, but this time it felt worse because he allowed himself to have feelings for someone _again_ and got hurt, _again_.

He heard footsteps behind him – barely – and then his name being called out, but he didn't stop walking. He wanted to get away from him as fast and soon as possible, he wasn't in the right state of mind to have a civil conversation with Uruha-- or was it Shima? Kouyou? It didn't matter, Yutaka wanted to have nothing to do with him anymore.

“Yutaka, wait!” Uruha had finally caught up with him and grabbed his arm, making Yutaka stop dead in his tracks.

“Let go of me before your face gets acquainted with my fist.” He muttered in a dangerously low and menacing voice, which prompted the actor to quickly let go of him. He didn't even turn to face him because he knew he'd end up hurting that handsome face of his, along with breaking his own heart more. “I told you I don't want to have anything to do with you.”

“Listen, Yutaka, I tried to tell you bef---”

“Don't call me by my first name. You lost the right to do it.” He said and turned around to face Uruha. If Yutaka wasn't so angry, he'd probably want to kiss his gorgeous face. He folded his arms over his chest as he glared at the man. “Does Nori know about us? And about... you?”

Uruha shook his head. “I couldn't tell him. I wanted to tell you too, but--”

“Please stop talking.” Yutaka cut him off again. He was having none of it. “So you decided to fuck with me _and_ one of my best friends, literally and figuratively, and didn't even _think_ that someone would get hurt in the process, did you? I can't face Nori after all of this. How am I supposed to explain to him that his boyfriend and I were fucking? Congratulations on ruining a friendship because of your selfishness. Don't _ever contact me again_ , got it?” He turned around and started walking away without looking back in fear that he'd fall prey to Uruha's pleas and listen to him. He didn't want to give him another chance, his heart couldn't take it.

“Please, let me explain...” Unfortunately for him, his pleas fell on deaf ears as Yutaka did not stop.

He heard his name being called out again, but this time he wasn't followed anymore and did his best not to look back as he turned a corner and walked down a more familiar hallway. He stopped just before he turned yet another corner and could hear lively chatter and people hustling and bustling to get things done.

Yutaka wrapped his arms around himself and tried his best to keep himself as calm and collected as possible, despite his desire to scream and kick things. He could feel his heart being ripped to shreds in his chest and felt humiliated to know that the man he considered a friend was in fact toying with him and Takanori and knew he couldn't face the latter, or even the other two. They'd probably judge him and kick him out of their group and never talk to him again, blaming him for hurting Takanori. And Yutaka was aware that it was going to happen as soon as his friend found out about him and Uruha.

He took a couple of moments to compose himself and hold it in at least until he was in his car or at home, and then walked back to where his sister was. As he arrived back, she walked over to him and took him aside. Nessie always knew when there was something going on with Yutaka and it felt rather... comforting.

“What happened? Your face is white like snow.” She asked quietly after pulling him into a corner, away from other people.

“I...” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Are we finished? I need to go home and have a drink. Or ten.”

“Yuta... What happened?” She tried again in a gentler tone.

“Remember I told you Nori is seeing someone?” As he spoke, he pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.

“Yeah, what about him?”

“It's Uruha. Uruha is also Shima, Nori's boyfriend.” She fell silent as she stared at Yutaka and he opened his eyes to look at her. “I feel so betrayed and I'm angry because he did this to Nori too. How am I supposed to face him knowing that I've been sleeping with his boyfriend?” He looked around as he whispered his last sentence, not wanting to be overheard.

“I'm... so sorry, Yuta. I don't know what to say... I do want to punch him in the face because he hurt you like this.” She frowned and pursed her lips, a sign that she was angry. “Wait, is he in this building?”

“Yeah, I accidentally came across his changing room while I was trying to make my way back here.” He wasn't finished speaking when she started walking away, but Yutaka grabbed her arm to stop her. “Where are you going?”

“To punch him in the face, of course! I can't let him get away with it!”

“Nessie... please don't. I don't want you to end up in jail and I really don't want to interact with him in any way. Just... leave it. Please...” He pleaded with her and after a few moments, she gave up.

“Fine. I'm doing this for you.” She let out a quiet sigh and wrapped her arms around her brother. “You can go home if you want. Are you okay to drive? If not, I can drive you home and spend the night.

Yutaka hugged her back, shaking his head. “I'll be fine. Thanks, Nessie. I need some time alone.”

“No, thank _you_ , Yuta, for being the best brother ever and helping me out. You're a great person, don't forget that, okay?” Nessie let go of him with a small smile on her lips. “And I'm sure the guys won't hate you for it. In the end, it wasn't your fault that you were lead on.”

Yutaka pressed a kiss to her forehead and let go of her with a bitter smile on his face.. “I'll go change into my clothes and go home. Show me the photos when they're done, okay?”

“Sure. Be safe, Yuta. Don't do anything rash, alright?”

“Okay. I'll see you soon.” With that, he went to change, not bothering with taking off the makeup, and made his way to the car, where he sat in silence for a few moments with his head resting on the steering wheel. He couldn't believe he was lied to in that way and what he hated the most was the fact that he should've known Uruha and Kouyou were the same person, despite how much the latter reassured him they were two different people. He felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. Now that he thought about it, he did feel that some of Uruha's mannerisms were somewhat familiar.

As he lifted his head, he saw a familiar figure not too far away, smoking. He knew it was Uruha and didn't know if he should feel angry or hurt – or both – over the truth that came out. When he thought he was spotted, Yutaka turned on the engine and drove away, making a quick escape.

The drive home was a blur and so was his way up to the apartment. He only snapped out of his daze once he was in the safety of his own home and out of his shoes and jacket. With a deep sigh he made his way over to the kitchen to grab a glass, adding a few ice cubes before walking over to the liquor cabinet and grabbing a bottle of whiskey. He was going to pour himself a glass, but decided to take the whole bottle with him instead as he sat down in front of the TV, turning it on. He fished his phone out of his pocket and checked it: four missed calls and two texts from Uruha, a few messages in the group chat and a text from his sister. His heart skipped a beat when he saw how many times Uruha tried to reach him and reluctantly opened the text messages.

_Uruha: “I'm so sorry, Yutaka...I wanted to tell you who I was before, but every time I tried, I chickened out because I was afraid I'd hurt you and Nori. In the end I still hurt you and I truly am sorry, I never meant to give you so much grief. Please, let's meet up and talk about this.”_

The next text was sent a few minutes later and was a bit shorter.

_Uruha: “Please let me make this right..”_

Uruha's pleas tugged at his heart, but he didn't want to give in. What if Uruha was manipulating him into doing that? With a deep sigh, he blocked Uruha's number and left the group chat, hoping his friends wouldn't notice, until he calmed down and was ready to face them.

That night was going to be a very long night.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to post this. Life's been hectic lately.  
> This chapter is a bit longer and you'll see why :D  
> Also, this one is dedicated to all you beautiful people who've been supporting this story so far <3 it makes me happy that you enjoy it! 
> 
> Note: This one's from Kouyou's POV

“Please let me explain...” Kouyou's voice quieted as he watched Yutaka walk away from him. He was angry with himself for letting the lie continue for so long, but to his defence, he did try to tell Yutaka who he really was, albeit fruitless as it was. While walking back to his dressing room, he felt terrible and scared. Scared because he knew he had most likely lost Yutaka and had no chances to see him again, thinking back on how angry the latter looked and _very_ determined.

“Who was that guy, Uruha-kun? Some model friend of yours?” He looked up as he heard his makeup artist question him with a smirk.

“Not really. Long story.” He mumbled and walked over to his jacket to grab his pack of cigarettes and lighter, and put a shirt on, avoiding eye contact with her. “I need a smoke break and we can finish covering my back when I return.” He didn't wait for an answer, leaving the room quickly.

He made his way outside and lit a cigarette as soon as he was outside, careful not to be seen. But then he spotted something in the corner of his eye: it looked like Yutaka's car and soon saw someone similar to him inside. He only knew it was him when they made eye contact for a brief moment before the car pulled out of the parking spot quickly and rushed out, driving down the street.

With a sigh, he leaned against the building and took a deep drag, feeling distressed about the whole situation: Yutaka was clearly upset and Kouyou felt guilty, and then the former wouldn't let him explain, which sort of irritated him. But he had to admit, he didn't blame Yutaka one bit; he'd be upset too if he found out he was being lied to.

The rest of the day went surprisingly quick and he received lots of praises from the photographer, his mood translating well into the photo shoot he was doing for a magazine, where he had to look dominant and stern. Once he was done, with the help of his makeup artist, he cleaned his makeup off and took off his wig, letting his own golden locks flow freely before making his way home.

One thing he was debating to do was quit the industry while he was still fairly young; he had his daughter to think about and didn't want to put her in danger or make her feel ashamed of him. Besides, working as an AV actor was something that was supposed to be temporary to earn some more money so he could take care of his wife's medical bills while she was supposed to recover. But her illness came back stronger and it unfortunately took her away from him.

At the same time, it was his way of dealing with his loss, always working to take his mind off the fact that the woman he loved the most wasn't there anymore and it hurt every time he thought of her. Five years later, he'd found someone similar to her; although that person was a man, it didn't bother Kouyou one bit – Yutaka came along and turned his world upside-down, reminding Kouyou a lot of his wife: she was sweet, kind, funny and also smart and beautiful; she was all Kouyou wanted and could dream of.

By the time he got home, it was fairly late. However, the lights in his sister's house were on, which meant that she was awake, so he walked over to her to see if his daughter was awake so he could take her home to sleep.

“You look like a stray cat in need of shelter.” He was standing on her front porch, spacing out after knocking on the door and she startled him back to reality, looking up at her. “You look terrible, Kou. Come on in, but be quiet. The kids are all sleeping.”

“How's Hina-chan? Did she eat today? Has she been good?” He asked quietly and eventually stepped inside the house, slipping out of his shoes.

“She's fine, don't worry. I picked her up from day care and she's been here, playing with her cousins all day. I put them to sleep not too long ago.” His sister had a sympathetic look on her face as she spoke in a gentle tone. “What happened? You're never this quiet unless something bad happened.”

With a quiet sigh, he looked at her. “I screwed up, sis.”

“Let's go into the kitchen and I'll make you some tea and you can tell me. How does that sound?” With a nod, Kouyou made his way into the kitchen and sat down, sulking in his spot.

“Remember I was telling you I met someone?” He watched his sister as she busied herself with making two cups of tea, nodding in response to Kouyou's question. “Well... I screwed things up. He found out that I'm also Kouyou, not just Uruha.” He knew his sister wouldn't be surprised when he mentioned Yutaka as she knew for a long time that Kouyou preferred both genders, even before he got married.

“Okay, back up for a second. Who is this guy and how does he know you as Uruha?” She was one of the very few people who knew about his secret double life and he was happy she didn't judge him for it; her only condition was that he was a good father to Hinako and not expose her to any harm.

“Well... I first met him through Takanori, the tattoo artist.”

“Oh yeah, you mentioned him.” She leaned against the counter, watching him as she waited for the water to boil.

“He's Takanori's friend. And then I saw him at one of my events. He didn't clue in that I'm both Kouyou and Uruha. But... there was just something different and _unique_ about him and I wanted to get to know him better. I couldn't approach him as myself because I was seeing Takanori at the time, so I decided to continue playing my Uruha part in order to spend time with him. Aya, he's one of the nicest and kindest people I've met... he reminds me a bit of Tsubaki.”

“I want to see this guy.” She announced as she poured the hot water in two cups over some chamomile tea and brought them with her to the table, placing one in front of Kouyou before sitting down with her own.

“Thanks.” Kouyou fished out his phone and went through his photos to show her a few of Yutaka: one was taken at the event – he had asked the photographer to take one of him (and he was very good looking in it) – then the next couple were from Yutaka's place, one time when he was sleeping peacefully next to him and another one he took secretly while Yutaka was busy with something.

“You took photos of him sleeping? You creep.” She laughed softly and shook her head. “You love him, don't you?” As she looked up at him, he froze up: he didn't realize it was _that_ obvious. With a slow nod, he took his phone back and locked it, slipping it back into his pocket. “He's handsome, Kou. And he does look like a kind man. You need to talk to him and settle things, for both your sake.” She offered a soft smile and placed her hand over Kouyou's, giving it a gentle squeeze.

In return, Kouyou nodded lightly at her. “If he even wants to talk to me... He's so stubborn, it's almost infuriating. But... I really hurt him, sis. I knew about his past relationships, especially about his most recent one where his ex left him all of a sudden and moved to another country with no explanation, lying to him and manipulating him. And yet I still lied to him like that.”

“But Kou, you weren't really doing it on purpose. Well... you were, but we both know it was to protect him and yourself.” She spoke softly, trying to bring her brother back from the dark road he was going down.

“I'm no better, Aya. I should've told him a long time ago, I should've come clean that time I met him at the event instead of stringing him along and getting his hopes up.” With a sigh, he slumped in his chair, looking at the cup of tea waiting for him to have a sip.

“Don't be so hard on yourself, Kou.” Her voice was soft as she spoke, trying to soothe her brother. “Is there anyone that could help you talk to him? You said he's friends with... Takanori, was it? See if he can help. I just don't want to see you suffer like this...”

Kouyou appreciated his sister's concern and felt loved. He looked at her and smiled gently, holding her hand for a moment. “I guess I'll-- shit, they're gonna kill me. His friends are _very_ protective of him. I just hope they won't leave me with a black eye.” He chuckled bitterly. Despite how much shorter the other men were, he knew all three of them were pretty active and fit and could easily overpower him. “Is it okay if I leave Hina with you this weekend?”

“Of course! She'll be with girls her age rather than her old daddy.” She grinned at him and her words elicited a soft laughter from her brother, who let go of her hand only to reach over and try to tickle her. “I'll kick you, don't tickle me!” She laughed softly, trying to stop his hands from touching her sensitive spots.

“I'm only in my early to mid thirties, I'm not old. Not yet. Plus, I'm a cool dad. All the moms want to get my number whenever I go pick her up.” He laughed softly and shook his head. Kouyou had to admit, he loved his family a lot, they always managed to bring a smile to his lips, no matter how upset he was. “I should probably go home.” He spoke again after several moments. “I'm dead tired. I'll leave Hina here with you tonight, okay?” He finally took a sip of his tea, holding the cup in his hands to warm them up. “Oh by the way... I've decided to retire as Uruha...” He said thoughtfully, glancing up at her, only to see surprise written all over her features.

“You do? How come?”

“I've been thinking about it and I want to do this for Hina. I don't want to be in my forties or fifties and still... acting. I want to try and work for a company again and expand my freelancing business too. I want her to be proud of me. Yutaka... he inspired me to do this, to take this step. He's so hardworking and passionate about what he does.” He let out a quiet sigh as he thought about him. “I... want to win him back. I want to be with him, Aya.” He looked up at her with mild desperation in his eyes. “Since Tsubaki passed away, I've never been this interested in anyone.” Kouyou was met with a soft smile which was becoming warmer.

“I'm so glad to see this part of you again. You have no idea. He's definitely made for you if he makes you feel this way, _alive_ and not living in the shadow of Tsubaki's death. I'll do whatever I can to help you with this. I want to see your genuine feelings again.”

Kouyou smiled; the support his sister was showing him warmed his heart. He got up and stepped over so he could give her a big hug. “I love you, sis. You're the best sister ever.” He mumbled and let go of her. “I owe you so much...”

“You can pay me back by being happy.” She got up from her seat as well, only to properly hug him. “Now go home and sleep. Hina-chan's in good hands here.” She patted his shoulder lightly.

“Thanks, Aya.” Kouyou gave her another hug before wishing her a good night and walking over to his own house.

He felt a bit better after talking to his sister and after she encouraged him not to lose faith and pursue Yutaka. He didn't know when it happened, how he fell for the other, but it hit him the week prior when he'd spent time with Yutaka: they had slept together and were sitting on the couch, trying to catch their breaths, when the shorter man curled up around him. He felt his heart beat faster just thinking about him and the warmth he felt emanating from his body, Yutaka's beauty mesmerizing him. True, he was a very good-looking guy, but there was something else there that made him seem different, out of this world. It was when they locked gazes before locking lips that he realized he could and wanted to spend the rest of his life with Yutaka and his gentle nature.

Kouyou really needed to talk to him and explain, hoping he could make Yutaka listen to him. He knew he could do that with the help of his friends, but that was another obstacle he had to face and _prayed to the heavens_ to come out of it unscathed.

 

***

 

Kouyou was waken up the next morning by his adorable little princess who came into his room, climbed up on top of him and lay down, hugging him. He smiled to himself softly as he opened his eyes slowly and peered over at his daughter before wrapping his arms around her to hug her back. It was little moments like that that made Kouyou smile and feel loved.

As he promised several days earlier that he'd go to the beach with her and his sister's family (something he completely forgot about until after he woke up that morning), Kouyou got up and went to get ready so they could go enjoy their day. But as he did that, he checked his phone several times, hoping that Yutaka had messaged him back, seeing how he wouldn't pick up the phone when he tried calling. He had to admit, he didn't like the fact that Yutaka was completely ignoring him and wasn't giving him a chance to explain, but he also understood why. He then thought to check the group chat and see what was going on there, his heart in his throat as he hoped nothing bad had happened. Since the last conversation he was a part of, he noticed that Yutaka had left the group, but no one had acknowledged it. Maybe the guys weren't awake yet? Although around that time they were already planning what bar to go to in the evening. He thought it strange that--

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing, Takanori's name and number showing up on the screen. So he was awake, then. But he didn't check the group chat? Kouyou shrugged and answered.

“Well someone's up early.” He commented, a small smirk on his lips as the man on the other line grunted lightly.

“ _That bastard Kira woke me up freaking out.”_

“Oh?” A quiet chuckle left his lips; he could only imagine how mad the artist was that his precious sleep was interrupted. “What happened?”

“ _Yuta's missing. His phone's either dead or just turned off and I haven't seen him onli-- wait, he left the group chat?? What the fuck.”_ Kouyou's smile fell as he heard those words. _“When did this happen? Fuck. This is_ not _good.”_

“Wait, what do you mean he's missing?” Was it his fault that Yutaka dropped off the face of the Earth like that? A terrible feeling set in the pit of his stomach and felt like he was going to be sick.

“ _He hasn't answered any of our texts or calls and now he left the group chat. This happened before and it's... not good. We need to find him before he does something stupid.”_ The underlying panic in Takanori's voice worried Kouyou. He was about to ask what he meant by that, but it was more important to find Yutaka.

“Should we call the police? Maybe they could find him...” Kouyou was starting to panic as well. What had he done? Had he really hurt Yutaka that much that he just... up and left? It was impossible. He knew how tied to his job was, so him disappearing like that did not seem like him. Maybe his phone just died or he was sleeping and had it on silent.

“ _No. We should try to find him ourselves. I don't know what's gotten into him. The last time he did something like this was after that bitch left him and--”_ Takanori cut himself off, a sigh leaving his lips. _“You don't know the whole story, I guess.”_

“I can come meet you and help you guys find him. Although... I don't know how helpful I'd be.” He really wanted to know what had happened to Yutaka in the past, but he knew it wasn't the right time to ask.

“ _I'd appreciate that, thanks. Kira and Yuu are on their way over too so we can figure out where to start looking first. Damn that Yuta, he's so unpredictable sometimes.”_ Kouyou could almost imagine Takanori pinching the bridge of his nose in worry... and maybe a bit of annoyance.

“I'll make my way over in a bit. I have to tell my sister that I'm not going with them to the beach.”

“ _Oh... Sorry, I didn't realize you had plans. You don't have to tag along if you're busy.”_ Kouyou liked how considerate his friend was, but he felt responsible and couldn't go have fun while Yutaka was nowhere to be seen. What if he was involved in an accident and they didn't know yet? Or something else happened?

“No, don't worry about it. It's important to find Yutaka. I'll join them later.”

“ _I'm sorry, Shima. But thanks for helping us out. I'll see you in a bit, then.”_

“See you.” With that, they hung up.

Kouyou felt guilty that he was ditching his family to try to find Yutaka, but something inside him told him it was the right thing to do. Even after relaying all this to his sister, she encouraged him to go look for Yutaka, but that he'd have to make it up to his daughter somehow. He really wanted to spend more time with his little girl and felt a tiny bit heartbroken when he saw the sad look on her face, but promised he'd either see her later or make up to her another way.

It wasn't long until he made his way over to Takanori's place and parked. He had to take a moment after turning off the engine and take a deep breath. If it came down to it, he had to tell them everything and that was terrifying. He didn't want to lose his new friends, he loved their group and its dynamic.

Kouyou stepped out of the car and made his way upstairs, trying to keep his cool. He needed to be calm and collected, or at least appear to be so, because on the inside he was feeling anxious. After knocking on the door, he was greeted by a bare-faced Takanori with his hair pulled up in a low ponytail, a sight he rarely saw as the artist would always dress up and put a bit of makeup on. After stepping inside, he slipped out of his shoes and made his way into the living room, seeing Yuu, Akira and... Nessie. As soon as he made eye contact with her, he looked away, feeling guilty, but the way she looked at him too felt like she was ready to start throwing punches.

“Oh hey Shima.” Yuu greeted him as the taller man sat down across from the other three who were sharing a couch, with Nessie leaning on Akira and _still staring at him_ with that angry look. “I don't think you've met Nessie before? She's Yutaka's little sister.”

“We know each other already.” Came the girl's ice-cold words as she continued to glare at him, attracting the attention of the other three men. Kouyou inwardly winced at how completely different she was than when he'd initially met her as Uruha. He nodded in response, but was unable to look at her. He just _knew_ she had found out what had happened, given her mood and attitude towards him.

“Nessie! Don't be so rude.” Akira scolded her quietly and got a raised eyebrow in response; she looked like she was about to tear into the blond as well. He looked at Kouyou apologetically. “Sorry, she's just upset Yutaka's disappeared.” Kouyou was certain that that was just part of the reason she was angry, he knew she probably hated him.

“Speaking of him. Did any of you guys see him yesterday?” Takanori asked as he flopped down next to Kouyou.

“I saw him at work during lunch, but not since then.” Yuu replied.

“He came to help me with a photo shoot yesterday afternoon. But something happened and went home very upset.” As Nessie spoke, she looked at Kouyou pointedly who glanced at her before looking away, still unable to keep eye contact with her. So that was the reason Yutaka was there...

There were a few moments of silence between them as they seemed to think about where he could be or what could have happened and Kouyou felt more and more guilty; he now knew for certain he was the one responsible for what had happened.

“I wonder if it's about that guy he was seeing...” Yuu mused, his sight focusing on the table. “He was telling me about him yesterday when we went out for food.” Kouyou's eyes shot up in his direction and felt his colour drain slightly from his face. “He didn't want to tell me who the guy is though.” Yuu pursed his lips in mild annoyance.

“Maybe? I mean, it's pretty much how he was after Saori left him. I'm just worried he'll try things again...” Akira said quietly, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend. He was worried about his friend and knew that she was too.

The three men continued bouncing off ideas, trying to figure out what the most likely scenario was, but the girl was quiet and Kouyou could feel her anger from across the coffee table.

“This is all my fault.” Kouyou's words were quiet, barely above a whisper, and the others stopped talking, looking over at him confused. Suddenly, Kouyou found his lap to be the most interesting thing in the room, unable to lift his gaze. And yet he could feel the others' eyes burning holes into his skin.

“What do you mean?” Takanori asked from his spot beside him, his face turned to the actor, mildly confused and slowly growing... irritated? Angry? It was definitely not a good sign.

Kouyou took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment to muster up his courage to speak up. “I'm the guy Yutaka was seeing.”

Silence.

It felt like no one blinked or even breathed for what was probably the longest few seconds in Kouyou's life. He glanced up at everyone and saw the confusion in their eyes turn into anger, all eyes then turning to Takanori who looked away from everyone. All of a sudden, Akira stood up and was about to launch himself at Kouyou, but Nessie stopped him and pulled him back down with a quiet _'sit back down,_ dummy'. The action took Kouyou by surprise and his eyes widened as he leaned back against the couch, ready to defend himself if he had to.

“You piece of-- so you were seeing both Nori _and_ Yuta? The fuck's wrong with you??” Akira spoke up again, almost yelling, anger clear in his face and voice this time around.

“Actually, the two of us haven't been together in a while. We just didn't tell you guys.” Takanori said quietly, looking over at Akira. He was upset, Kouyou could tell, but didn't show it as much as the other two men. Speaking of which, Yuu was eerily quiet, but had a murderous look on his face, his arms folded to his chest.

“I think you have some explaining to do.” Nessie spoke quietly, seemingly not as angry anymore, now that the cat was out of the bag. The others looked at her for a moment before looking back at Kouyou, who was holding Nessie's gaze.

“Before I tell you everything, I want you guys to know that it was never my intention to hurt Yutaka.” He licked his lips nervously and glanced around. “And I'm so sorry for keeping things from you guys. Especially you, Taka.” The petit man glanced over at him, unimpressed.

“Yutaka will have some explaining to do too. How the hell could he do that to Nori?” Akira spoke, irritated.

“He didn't know it was me.” Kouyou replied and mulled his words over. “Are you guys familiar with the name 'Uruha'?”

“The actor? I saw some indie movies with him. And, well... AV movies too.” Takanori mumbled next to him and Kouyou looked over at him. “Pretty famous.”

“I'm him.” He could see the shock on his friend's face as those words left his mouth. “I'm Uruha. But to protect my privacy and my family, I put on that disguise: long black hair, light coloured contact lenses and extravagant and semi-dominator type of clothing.” Takanori's mouth was slightly open as he stared at Kouyou. “The first time I met Yutaka was that one time when you guys introduced us. But then not too long after, I saw him at one of my events and it intrigued me, mostly because I was certain he was straight, and yet... there he was, beautiful and cool among sleazy older men and almost hysterical fangirls. I-I... I felt attracted to him.” He mumbled his last words and lowered his gaze yet again. The revelation shocked everyone but Nessie, who already knew who he was. “Taka and I ended things not too long after I met you guys. He didn't know either I was seeing Yutaka, I couldn't tell him.”

Kouyou continued, telling them how he'd hang out with Yutaka whenever they had time – leaving out the 'sleeping together' part, of course – and even mentioned the one time Saori found them in a cafe after his daughter bumped into him. The way he spoke of Yutaka made him realize what an idiot he was for lying like that and truly regretted not saying something sooner, but did not at all regret spending time with Yutaka.

“He's such a kind soul and very caring and I think that part of him attracted me to him. I know I have no excuse for what I've done, I know I shouldn't have lied to him and to you guys like I have, but I didn't know how to break the news that 'oh by the way, I'm a porn actor and I'm attracted to your friend'.” As he spoke, everyone was silent, listening to him. Out of everyone, Yuu was the only one who was staring at him as intently as before, Takanori sitting quietly next to him and fiddling with the hem of his shirt idly and Akira was still holding Nessie close, the two of them listening as well. Kouyou let out a quiet sigh, feeling truly terrible. He realized he turned into someone he never wanted to become. “I had lost my faith in the world, but then I got to know him and... he's such a beautiful person.”

“You're in love with him too, aren't you?” Yuu finally said something, his voice soft but firm, getting the attention of everyone around him, Kouyou included. He looked at the raven-haired man with widened eyes and felt his heartbeat speed up, realizing Yuu knew how he felt about Yutaka. Looking away, he nodded and Yuu smirked, Kouyou saw it in the corner of his eye. When the attention focused back on him, he couldn't help his cheeks from heating up slightly, feeling like he got caught in the act. “I think you and Yuta would be great together.”

Those words made Kouyou snap his head back in Yuu's direction, unsure if he had heard that right. “Y-you do?”

“I can see it too.” Takanori added, nodding wistfully. “You're not a bad person, Shima.”

“You... you guys aren't mad at me?” He asked quietly, looking from Takanori back to Yuu, shocked of what he was hearing.

“Of course we are! And you'll have to pay for that. But right now, Yutaka's our priority.” An evil grin spread on Yuu's face; Kouyou shuddered just thinking about what the other had in store for him.

“Now we know what the problem is, so it'll be easier to fix.” Nessie spoke up, not looking angry anymore. “At least we know you're an honest man. Well, even if it took you months to come clean.”

“I've decided.” Yuu announced, sitting up straight and smirking. “We're going to help you and Yutaka get back together.” Shocked faces turned towards him.

“We are?” Takanori looked at Yuu just as surprised as everyone else.

“Are you insane?? After everything he did?” Akira protested. “Yuta probably doesn't even want to even see him-- _ow_. What did you do that for?” He mumbled after being smacked over the head by his girlfriend.

“You're so thick sometimes, Aki. Are you blind? Can't you see that they love each other but they're too stubborn and scared to do anything about it?”

Kouyou's mouth hung open as he heard that, shocked. He didn't know Yutaka shared his feelings, he thought it was just one-sided. “Wait. Did you say that—”

“Yeah, she did. Yutaka is in love with you, hence his reaction. He does drastic and sometimes stupid things when he feels strongly for someone. Although... last time this happened, it almost ended ugly.” Yuu replied before Akira had a chance to intervene again.

“I think we should tell him what happened.” Takanori mumbled from his spot, now playing with an unlit cigarette. “He doesn't know the full story.”

“I'll do it.” Yuu announced. “There are things you need to know about before you decide how your relationship will continue. Or end.” He pulled his legs underneath him before he continued. “Yuta has been struggling with depression and anxiety ever since his mother passed away. It's hard for him to build new relationships and whenever he finds someone to be with romantically, they end up leaving and hurting him. He's been doing a lot better over the years, though.” He paused for a second or two and Kouyou could swear it was just to give the moment more suspense. “Five years ago, when Saori left him, he didn't know what to do. He had become too attached to her and thought he was happy, but that witch was just playing him. Around that time, he was struggling a bit financially too and that just added wood to the fire, making him fall into a depression bout he hadn't experienced in a long time. We were living next door to each other and had keys to each of our places, so one night I went over to hang out with him and I found him unconscious on the floor, a bottle of whiskey half gone and a bottle of sleeping pills, quite a few of them missing. He was having trouble sleeping, so the doctor prescribed him those meds. The doctor told me that had we waited longer, he wouldn't have survived.” The mood suddenly changed to a gloomier one and Kouyou was shocked to hear all that. “I know it's not my story to tell, but he'll never say anything about it and I think that if you were to date, you should know this and stop it from happening again.”

Now that he knew what Yutaka was going through, a lot of things made sense. Even with the mental illness he was struggling, he wanted to help him in any way he could. He wasn't able to save his wife, he was definitely going to try harder for Yutaka and be there for him and... love him.

“He'll come around. Give him some time.” Nessie spoke softly and it was the first time that day that Kouyou saw a glimmer of a smile on her lips. She was about to say something when her phone started vibrating, startling her. “It's Yuta.” She placed her index finger to her lips as she looked at Kouyou, silently telling him to stay quiet for now before she took the call. “Hey Yuta. You're on speaker. I'm here with the three musketeers.”

“ _Hey. Can someone explain_ why _I have almost_ twenty _missed calls and several texts from you guys? It's not even noon yet.”_ Kouyou's heart stopped for a second as he heard Yutaka's hoarse voice. Had he been drinking?

“We were worried about you, you idiot. I got to your place this morning and all I could find was an empty bottle of whiskey and glass shards on the floor, close to the wall and no sign of you.” She was firm with him and Kouyou had to give her credit: she was one tough young woman. She sort of reminded him of his own sister. “And you knew I was coming over.”

“ _I was out. I had a few drinks at home, then I went out.”_

“I hope you didn't drive, you loser.” Yuu chipped in, rolling his eyes.

“ _Shut up, Shiroyama.”_ Yutaka did seem to be in a bad mood and he couldn't blame him. He'd be angry too if he was in his shoes. _“I took the train and then spent the night... out. I'm on my way home.”_

“Out? Out where?” Akira asked, surprisingly calm this time around.

“ _Out. With someone. Do you want details too?”_

“What's gotten into you, Yuta?” Nessie asked in a softer tone, which seemed to make Yutaka calm down as he continued.

“ _Nothing. I just had a bad day yesterday. Well, mostly bad day.”_ He sighed quietly into the phone.

“Do you want to come over? They're all at my place.” Takanori spoke, placing the cigarette he was playing with between his lips, still unlit. Yutaka seemed to quiet down as soon as he heard Takanori's voice.

“ _Oh, hey Nori.”_ His voice was quiet as he greeted his friend. _“N-not today. I just wanna go home and sleep.”_ Was Yutaka nervous? It sounded like it, at least.

The fact that he really wanted to see Yutaka to apologize and talk to him hit, explain himself, hit him hard. He knew he owed it to the other. But how? He was almost certain that if he had gone to see him at his place, he'd just get kicked out and also knew that if Yutaka were to join the rest of the group, he'd leave as soon as he saw Kouyou, or so he figured.

“Then we're coming over to keep you company and you can't say 'no'.” Yuu intervened, also snapping Kouyou back to reality. “We're bringing Shima with us.”

Silence fell on the other end of the line for several moments before Yutaka answered. _“Please don't. I-I need some time to myself.”_ Kouyou wilted in his spot as felt the heartbreak in those words.

“You two need to talk things out, Yuta.” Takanori stepped in. “We know he lied to you and to us about everything. But he's not a bad person.”

“ _Y-you know? Who told you about it?”_

“ _I_ did.” Kouyou finally spoke up. “I didn't want to keep this lie going, you deserve better than that.” Yutaka was silent again, this time for longer than just a few seconds and Kouyou thought he'd hung up, but when Nessie checked the phone, the call was still active. “Yutaka, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to--”

“ _Okay, first of all, I asked you not to call me by my first name. Second, let's pretend that all of this never happened between us.”_ With that, Yutaka hung up, leaving Kouyou with a broken heart and the others surprised and quiet. The venom in his words made him feel even worse.

Kouyou slumped in his spot, his gaze downcast. He was an idiot, first for falling for Yutaka and second, for hurting him. Everyone was eerily silent after the call ended, looking anywhere but at Kouyou. But then with a soft, bitter smile, Kouyou stood up, avoiding making eye contact with everyone.

“Well, I guess that's that. It was nice knowing you all. Thank you for everything.” His words were quiet as he spoke and made his way out of the room so he could put his shoes on. Surprisingly, Nessie was the one to follow him out, grabbing his sleeve and tugging on it. Kouyou turned around to tell off whoever it was, but his words died in his throat when he felt arms wrap around him, holding him in a tight hug.

“I'm so sorry. My brother is an idiot, but he's mad like this because he cares about you. Please don't leave him alone. He needs someone there for him, someone who cares about him.”

“He has you and the guys. He doesn't need me.” Kouyou's voice was barely above a whisper, feeling his heart break more at his own words.

“He _does_ need you, he's just stubborn and an idiot, despite how smart he is.”

Kouyou smiled sadly at her attempt to cheer him up. “He has a funny way of showing it.” He mumbled, not moving to return the hug or push her away. He had to admit, he felt a tiny bit happy that the others didn't hate him, even if they were mad at him for lying.

“Yuta can be unpredictable sometimes.” The words came from behind Nessie and Kouyou lifted his head, only to see Yuu standing in the door, leaning against its frame, arms folded to his chest. “Yes, it was shitty what you did and yes, Yuta is angry right now and rightfully so. But I can tell that your apology was sincere. Unless you're _that_ good of an actor.” Yuu snorted lightly as he looked at the taller man and Nessie finally let go of him.

“I'm a good actor, but why would I go through this roller-coaster of emotions if I didn't truly care? I never planned on this to happen.” He paused for a moment, glancing between the two. He then noticed Takanori and Akira creep up behind Yuu and look at him as he spoke. “As an AV actor, I did sleep around a lot, on and off camera, but then Yutaka changed that. After I lost my wife, I never imagined I could find a gentle soul like her ever again. He's just so... _pure_. I can't really explain it. I just--” He trailed off and sighed quietly. He truly cared about him, more than he wanted to admit and more than he had initially thought. “I don't want to lose him.” Kouyou was scared, but admitting that made him realize he came to trust the three men in the room, otherwise he wouldn't have been so honest with his feelings.

“Come back inside.” Nessie spoke softly, tugging on Kouyou to join her.

“I should get going. I've done enough damage for one day.” Kouyou gave her an apologetic look as she stepped back. He looked over at Takanori who was close-by. “Can... I talk to you?” He saw the artist nod and walk over to him, everyone else going back inside to give them some privacy. Kouyou didn't know where to start. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I'm sorry I ended things between us so abruptly. But I didn't want to be a cheater and hurt you even more.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, not wanting the others to overhear them.

After a few moments of suspenseful silence, Takanori finally spoke. “To be honest, I knew we wouldn't last long. It was fun while we fooled around, but you're more of a family guy than I am and you're just so... _you_. You're kind and easy-going and funny, but you're not my type. I know it's selfish of me to say that.” Kouyou was surprised to hear Takanori go on a mini rant; the artist was usually pretty quiet. “What I'm pissed off about is that you played Yuta. He's like a big brother to me and I don't want to see him go through the same bullshit he went through five years ago. I'll only forgive you if you make him happy.” The way the shorter man looked at him made Kouyou realize he was serious about it. “This will be a challenge for you because Yuta can be _very_ stubborn. But like you said, he's kind and gentle and deserves someone good to love him. And I know you'd be good for him.”

“Why... do you think that?” Kouyou asked quietly, curious.

“Hm? Because you're just like him.” Takanori smiled lightly, which surprised Kouyou. “And because he needs someone who's kind to him. And the way you speak about him... I think you're the perfect one for him.” Kouyou wanted to hug the smaller man, but he knew he didn't like it, so he contained himself. “Don't give up on him, okay?”

“I won't, I promise. I'll do whatever I can to win him back.” He nodded, feeling determined to get Yutaka back.

Now that he knew his friends didn't hate him, he was slightly relieved. Kouyou still needed to figure out how he could talk to Yutaka, but he was glad that at least the two had their friends' support. He bid his farewell to everyone else and soon left Takanori's apartment so he could go spend time with his family. However, even when he was on the beach with his daughter, playing in the sand with her, he still couldn't take Yutaka out of his mind. If he could hold him and kiss him, that would be heaven for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter from Kouyou's pov because I felt like the story needed it.  
> Lemme know what you guys think!


	13. Chapter 13

Several weeks had passed and Kouyou's attempts at contacting Yutaka were futile; the latter kept ignoring his calls and messages, which made Kouyou slowly lose faith in himself. If only Yutaka would let him explain…

Despite his heartache, he still had to continue with his life, so in the weeks that passed, Kouyou decided to change a few things about himself and his life, needing something to keep him occupied and his thoughts away from the man he’d fallen in love with.

The first one was his hair colour; he went from honey blonde to a chocolate brown shade as he realized people might not take him seriously when trying to find a new full-time job; he wanted to find something that he enjoyed and paid well, especially since he chose to leave his acting career behind and focus more on his family. He had also shortened it a bit, his hair now down to the base of his neck rather than just a bit past his shoulders. He wanted to look professional. Part of him regretted his decision, but he knew it was for the best as the blond hair wasn’t really in his favour. Although if he really missed being an actor and modelling, he was certain he could do it again if he so desired.

Kouyou had managed to find himself a decent job at a fairly big publishing company as an editor in their manga department. He himself owned a small graphic design and illustration business and did some freelance work here and there, whenever he wasn’t caught up in his AV movies or promotional work related to them. He wasn’t that good at drawing on paper, but he was decent when it came to digital painting or anything of the sort. His favourite clients to work with were small, local businesses, though he had a few bigger projects. What he enjoyed the most about working with them was the fact that there wasn’t as much pressure on him and he could create excellent quality content for them, having creative freedom.

It took him a couple of weeks to get used to his new job, but he loved it a lot. He was put in charge of an up-and-coming mangaka whose work was like a breath of fresh air, as his colleagues put it. Kouyou spent some time with the artist to get to know her a bit better and found her really sweet, albeit a bit shy, but she was extremely talented and hardworking.

One day, Kouyou had asked her to join him for lunch to discuss ideas as she had hit a wall and wasn’t sure how to continue, hoping it would help her to bounce some ideas off him. He picked a decent restaurant nearby that he knew had good food and was fairly quiet and cozy and took her there, his treat of course – well, more on company money.

The artist, by the name of Yonezawa Makiko, was a petite young woman, in her mid-twenties, who dressed rather simply. She wasn’t the type of person to stand out in a crowd, but Kouyou knew that with just a bit of a style upgrade, she’d probably have all the attention on her as she was an attractive person.

As they walked inside the restaurant, the hostess lead them to the booth he had reserved and left them with menus to decide what they wanted to eat. However, as they were looking through the options, Kouyou heard two voices he recognized and froze in his spot for a moment, then looked around. Just a few booths over, he saw Yuu and someone else… someone whose hair colour looked similar to Yutaka’s, but the person had their back facing him.

“Takashima-san?” He was brought back to reality by the artist’s voice and looked over at her, only to see her puzzled and mildly concerned look. “Is everything alright? You look really pale…”

Kouyou smiled at her and nodded. “Yes, sorry for that. I just saw someone I know, someone who I wasn’t expecting to see.”

“Oh… why don’t you go say hi? I don’t mind.” He looked at her mildly surprised. She was such a sweet woman and was wondering how come she was still single.

“No no, that’s alright. I came out here with you. Lunch is on me, so feel free to order anything you like.” He said as he scanned through the menu, deciding on his order rather quickly.

The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that the person who was with Yuu was indeed Yutaka; he’d recognize him anywhere. The man he loved was there and yet he didn’t have the courage to go over and talk to him, not after he was rejected like that and ignored for weeks. Looking back to the last time he saw Yutaka, Kouyou realized that almost two months had passed, time in which he desperately tried _not_ to think about him. All he could hope for was for Yutaka to at least forgive him and allow him to be friends again, even if nothing else came out of it. He just wanted him around.

He was brought back from his thoughts again by the mangaka and once their food arrived, they started eating while discussing ideas. It was a good distraction until he felt a presence standing next to him before his name was uttered. He looked up, only to see Yuu with a confused smile on his face and _Yutaka_ _right behind him_ , looking away from Kouyou, with a more or less solemn face.

“Yuu! I didn’t know you were here.” He said and got up, shaking his hand. He wanted to do the same with Yutaka, but he was still looking away and Kouyou didn’t even try. “Hello, Uke-san.” As he said his name, he saw Yutaka whip his head around and look at him incredulously and said nothing except a quiet ‘hello’. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. If I’d know you were dating such a beautiful lady, I would’ve suggested a better place for a date.” Kouyou rolled his eyes as he saw Yuu show that charming smile of his to the woman, who was clearly blushing, probably not used to the attention.

“Ah, no no! We’re not dating. How rude of me, I almost forgot to introduce you. Sensei, these are my friends, Shiroyama Yuu and Uke Yutaka. Guys, I’d like you to meet Yonezawa Makiko-sensei.”

“Sensei?” Yuu asked as he bowed to the woman, followed by Yutaka.

“Yes, she’s a manga artist. I’m her editor.” He smiled and sat down, watching Yuu’s attention turn to the artist again.

“Wait. Yonezawa-sensei as in… the creator of ‘Murder on the Shinkansen’?” His eyes widened in surprise and Kouyou noticed his artist was surprised too.

“You… know my work?” Her confusion turned into a smile as she regarded him.

“Of course! It’s one of the best mystery mangas I’ve read so far. It’s fascinating!” Yuu beamed and Kouyou shook his head amused.

“Do you guys want to join us for a few minutes? Maybe sensei will be inspired by your charm, Yuu.” He grinned and saw his friend blush mildly.”

“You… wouldn’t mind?” As Yuu asked, Kouyou turned to look at the woman, who shook her head with a smile. So Kouyou scooted closer to her to make room for the other two to join them, with Yuu sitting next to him and Yutaka was on the end, _still quiet_.

Kouyou looked over at Yutaka, who was looking at the artist as Yuu made small talk with her, mostly praising her work. He did participate in the conversation, but his attention kept drifting over to Yutaka, taking him in. He missed him and Kouyou wished he could reach over and hold him at least, but managed to contain himself. It wasn't a good idea to even discuss something like that in public, let alone act on it. Not when there were so many people around.

The two men didn’t stay too long, but it was enough for Kouyou to smile lightly; he was a bit happy that he even got to be in Yutaka’s presence, despite the other still _not looking_ at him. However, just as the two were about to leave, Kouyou made eye contact with his beloved, only for Yutaka to quickly look away and... was he blushing? Kouyou found himself smiling lightly at Yutaka as that happened, but soon enough felt his heart hurt when the man he loved bowed to the manga artist politely and left without another word, leaving Yuu to be friendlier about it all.

Kouyou continued looking in their direction until they left and scooted back to his spot, then looked down at the table and let out a quiet sigh.

“Um… I hope I'm not being intrusive, but… Do you… Have feelings for Uke-san, Takashima-san?” He was snapped out of his daze by the woman’s soft voice as she asked her question in a shy manner. She kept surprising him with how well she seemed to read him.

“Huh?” He cleared his throat and tried to act normal. “What do you mean?” He licked his lips nervously and took a bite of his food, not looking at her. He was shocked that even _she_ noticed and felt like an idiot, thinking he could hide his longing for Yutaka.

“You were looking at him with this… yearning in your eyes. And not once did he make eye contact with you, which means your feelings aren’t returned or something happened.” How was that woman so observing and intelligent? Kouyou realized it was one of the things he liked about her.

“He’s… not aware of my feelings. And I lied to him, so he’s still mad at me. Although it’s been almost two months since we saw each other.” His eyes widened as he realized he was telling her something rather personal. Kouyou looked up with an alarmed expression and felt a bit nervous. “I mean, I--”

She smiled softly at him. “This may be bold of me and it’s just a presumption, but… I have a feeling he doesn’t hate you. He snuck glances at you when you weren’t looking and had the same expression you had. Maybe… maybe you should talk to him.” She reached over and placed her hand over his to show him some comfort, to which Kouyou looked up.

“You.. you think so?” He looked at her hopeful and she nodded, which made Kouyou smile. But it only lasted for a few moments before he chuckled awkwardly. “You’re such a romantic, aren’t you? I feel like this is a scene out of one of your shoujo manga works.” The woman grinned and pulled her hand away.

“I might just use it for inspiration too. I mean… I _have_ written BL before.” She laughed softly as Kouyou looked at her stunned.

“You… you have? I didn’t know this.”

“I went by a different name back then. Now I prefer writing mystery and adventure stories.”

They continued talking about various manga works and then Kouyou also helped her out with ideas for the next chapters of her newest piece, the one Yuu had been raving about.

Kouyou had to admit, he was lucky he was her editor. Yonezawa-sensei was one of the easiest people to work with and his coworkers were jealous that he got the chance to be in charge of editing and helping her out.

Once they finished their meal, Kouyou paid for it and gave her a ride home so she wouldn't waste time. After their lunch together, she said she felt inspired by his friends as well and had some ideas for the next chapters and then soon Kouyou was on his way back to the office to continue working. Besides her, he had other projects he was appointed to and alsohoped he was able to get home in time to see his little princess before she had to go to sleep. The only thing he mildly regretted was not seeing his daughter as much as he was used to.

Throughout the rest of the day, her words stuck with him. Did Yutaka really look at him? And the time they made eye contact, was that just Kouyou catching Yutaka look at him, accidentally? He was indeed awfully quiet which was unusual for Yutaka; he was always very outgoing and friendly and easy to talk to about anything and everything. And yet he was acting differently. Or maybe it was just because Kouyou was there? What if the artist was wrong and Yutaka felt the opposite of what she was saying?

Thoughts like that plagued his mind for the next couple of days and Kouyou had a hard time focusing on his work and that made him feel annoyed with himself. Even when he was with his daughter, she did help take his mind off things, but Kouyou still found himself wishing Yutaka was there to share moments like that with him. Was it weird that wished that? Maybe it was, but it made sense to him. He saw how good the other was with his daughter.

It was still on his mind even a week after that, when he went to see Takanori at his studio as Kouyou went in to add another tattoo to his collection. He was quiet as he was lying down on the bed, on his side, while Takanori was applying the stencil for the tattoo, deep in thought.

“Why do you guys have to be so stubborn?” Takanori asked out of nowhere, his eyes pinned to the design he was trying to get in the right position. Kouyou lifted his head just enough to look over at him and the other glanced at him quickly, a concentrated look gracing his features as he worked.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

The tattoo artist sighed. “Oh come on, don't play dumb. I don't understand why you two are acting this way. How long has it been since then?” His tone was soft, despite his scolding words.

“... Just over two months.” Kouyou said quietly. “I bumped into him and Yuu just over a week ago. He-he… He didn't even look at me, Nori. Or even acknowledge my presence in general.” he sighed and closed his eyes as he lay there, but then hissed in slight pain as Takanori pressed his tattoo gun a bit harder into the skin.

“Sorry.” he mumbled. “You should try talking to him again. He's calmed down a bit since then.”

Kouyou was silent for a few moments, mulling it over. “Why do you think he’ll listen to me this time? What reason does he have to listen to me? I lied to him, remember? And I hurt him. How can I--”

“Kou.” Takanori interrupted his mini rant. “Just do it. Give it another try. I mean, what else do you have to lose? I’ve known him for a long time now, I’m sure he’d be willing to at least hear you out.”

Kouyou sighed softly before answering “Alright. I’ll give it one more try.”

“Good.” Takanori nodded, seemingly content with the answer. There was a bit of silence between them as the tattoo artist focused on his work and Kouyou was deep in thought again.

“How… Has he been?” Kouyou asked softly after a little while. “Is he taking care of himself? Is he okay?”

Takanori stopped working for a moment so he could flex his hand and pulled back just a bit so he could take off his mask and breathe, wanting a quick break. “He's been… Quiet. It's weird. When he's with us, he's not really _with_ us. For a while, he drank a lot and went out to clubs, but then he slowly came back to his senses. He's been working a lot and we barely see him. Yuu’s keeping an eye on him, though.” he put his mask back on and continued his work. “I hate seeing him like that. He's like an older brother to me and seeing him lose himself like that is... well, painful.” he sighed softly.

Kouyou felt guilty and let out a sigh of his own. “I feel terrible. This is all my fault. I should've come clean long before that time he found out.”

“You should've, honestly. But now, what's done is done. All you can do is talk to him and try to get him to forgive you.”

Kouyou couldn’t really argue with him on that. However, he felt conflicted: part of him wished he could move on, but the bigger part of him wanted to hang onto that thin thread of hope that Yutaka would forgive him and… at least remain friends if they couldn’t start an actual relationship. But… would he be alright with being just friends? Kouyou was inclining towards ‘no’, as his feelings were a lot stronger than that at that point and remaining friends after everything… it just felt very anticlimactic.

The truth was that he did miss Yutaka, every fibre of him did and he knew the right thing to do was to go and talk to him and at least try to be on speaking terms again with him. Kouyou knew he was the one responsible for what had happened and didn't know how to make things better. He did know, however, that he could trust Yutaka's friends – _his friends as well_ –to help both of them out.

To try to get rid of some of the darker thoughts plaguing his mind, Kouyou told his sister he was going to pick up the girls, his daughter and two nieces, and take them out for some cake and then to a park nearby for them to play. However, even as he was sitting there, watching them with a soft smile on his lips, he found himself wishing Yutaka was there to enjoy that moment together. When he realized where his thoughts were going, he shook his head and returned to reality, only to have three laughing girls run over to him and drag him along to play. And how could he say no to those three little… well, almost angels. Because despite their cuteness, they were like the three musketeers out to cause trouble.

It wasn’t until about two days later that Kouyou made up his mind: he was going to go see Yutaka and try to get him to at least listen to what he had to say. It was a scary thought, but he knew he had to do it if he wanted some closure at least.

He felt mildly nervous as he drove over to Yutaka’s apartment and secretly wished traffic was worse so he could delay his arrival. Alas, he arrived there fairly quickly and parked in visitor’s parking, but stayed in his car for a few moments longer to collect his thoughts. He mentally went over what he wanted to say to him and played various scenarios of what might happen and he ended up sighing and leaning his head on the steering wheel, feeling like giving up. But he didn't allow himself to go further down that road, not when he was so close to his goal.

Despite his strong image as an actor, Kouyou wasn’t really like that. His sister would call him gentle and kind while other people who didn’t know him as well would say he’s shy and even insecure. But it wasn’t true; Kouyou wasn’t insecure at all, of his looks, abilities or potential. He knew he was the type of person who got what he wanted by working hard. And that’s when he realized that the situation with Yutaka was similar: he just had to try harder to get him to understand where Kouyou was coming from and why he did what he did. He was determined to try to get him back, so he gathered all his courage and made his way up, his heart beating fast in his chest the closer he got to Yutaka’s floor.

Once he arrived to his destination, Kouyou took a few deep breaths to keep himself calm and try _not to panic_ , and felt like he was standing there for a very long time. He knew Yutaka was home, seeing how it was the weekend, and hoped the other would answer the door so they could talk. He raised his hand and was about to knock, when the door opened and Kouyou froze in his spot at the sight in front of him. Suddenly, a wave of hurt washed over him and didn’t know if he should run away from what was unfolding in front of his eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I'm so so sorry I'm posting this so late. Life happened and it was hard to sit down and actually /write/.   
> I hope this chapter didn't disappoint!   
> Let me know your thoughts or questions down below!
> 
> Love to all you amazing people! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yutaka is a regular man, with regular interests: going to the gym, cooking, spending time with his friends--Aside from those, he also enjoyed... watching porn. One day he discovered the videos of probably the most beautiful being to walk the Earth: a gorgeous dominator by the name of Uruha. It wasn't long until Yutaka started becoming more and more interested in him and wishing he could meet him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad this took so long to update, but life happened again.  
> I hope you guys will enjoy this last chapter!

 

In the following weeks after Yutaka had found out the truth about Kouyou, a lot had happened and it had made him feel like his life was down spiralling. He had tried his best not to give into old habits, but they got the better of him and soon enough he found himself going out drinking almost every night: bars after work with his co-workers and clubs on the weekend, where he would also find company for the night. 

 

It seemed that what he was doing worked, as he didn't think about Kouyou as much… Unless he was still sober when he'd go to sleep; that was when Yutaka would break down and  feel all the grief of his loss as well as the anger of the truth. How could he not be upset for loving someone who lied to him and hurt him and his friend? 

 

For the first little while, he couldn't face his friends. Until one day, when they all came over to his place - luckily it was right after his one night stand left and now while he was still there - to check up on him. They sat him down and despite how uncomfortable he was discussing the Kouyou-Uruha situation, he listened to what they had to say. The good part about that was that he talked things out with Takanori, made up with him and it didn't feel awkward being around him, not anymore. He still felt mildly guilty for being naïve and believing Kouyou’s lies, but Takanori assured him that everything was fine between them and that feelings weren't really involved in his and Kouyou's relationship. It did give Yutaka some peace of mind, but he still wanted to make it up to him. 

 

The truth was that the whole situation affected Yutaka to the point where he'd get mad or at least mildly irritated whenever Kouyou came up in conversation and he voiced his thoughts when his friends tried to convince him to at least hear Kouyou out. He even thought his friends were on Kouyou's side rather than his and that upset him. But really, there shouldn't have been any sides, which was something else he refused to think about. He was too caught up in his own feelings. 

 

With each passing day, his anger slowly turned into sadness and longing and he found himself wishing he could see Kouyou and hear him out, but his pride wouldn't allow him to do it. It was more than once that Yutaka’s fingers hovered over the text screen with Kouyou's name on it, but froze each time he tried to type anything and ended up exiting each time and pushing his phone away from himself. 

 

And then there were times when he'd end up comparing Kouyou to Uruha - yes, he knew they were the same person - and realized that the only difference between how he acted as his alter ego rather than himself was the air of dominance surrounding him. He never pinned Uruha as a cuddler after sex, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. Or was that the Kouyou side of him? The nice and caring Kouyou, who was his friend… But could they be considered friends after what had happened between them? He had so many questions and didn't know where to get the answers from. 

 

If Yutaka was honest with himself, he'd admit the fact that he missed Kouyou and was having a hard time staying mad at him. But he wasn't being honest with himself, so he continued to try hard to dislike him and still be angry at Kouyou for hurting him like that, as childish as he knew he was acting. He had too much pride which stopped him from pursuing the person he loved. 

 

One day, Yutaka was feeling particularly down, so Yuu pretty much dragged him out of the office to join him for lunch. What he didn't expect to see there was the very man who kept his thoughts busy for the past almost two months, the man Yutaka had been doing his best to avoid and  _ not think about _ . He was having lunch with his friend, when Yuu told him Kouyou had walked into the restaurant with someone and at the end of their meal, he dragged Yutaka along to at least go say hi, much to his frustration. 

 

Yutaka couldn't look at Kouyou directly, but he did notice the change in look: Kouyou had shorter, dark brown hair and was wearing a suit, a look which suited him rather well. However, he was surprised when the other referred to him by his last name when the two were introduced to the woman and he lifted his head, briefly making eye contact with Kouyou. Just the way his name rolled off his tongue hurt a bit: Yutaka wanted to hear the other say his given name rather than surname and couldn't get rid of the feeling that it was a jab to what his last words spoken to him were. Even while Yuu was talking to the artist who was with Kouyou at the time, Yutaka did his best not to look at Kouyou, but he felt the other's eyes on him, studying him. 

 

The second time he made eye contact with him, Yutaka looked away quickly before he could allow himself to talk to Kouyou and it was only after they left that Yuu smacked him over the head, scolding him. 

 

“You had the perfect opportunity to talk to him. Why didn't you do it?”

 

“Are you an idiot? How can I talk to him about it in a public place? What if someone overheard ? Or what if--” he shook his head with a sigh.  _ What if I can't help myself around him?  _ Was what Yutaka was thinking. Despite everything, he still had a weak spot for Kouyou and he knew that. “Please don't look at me like that, Yuu. I told you, I need to move on.” he said quietly. 

 

Yuu sighed and shook his head at that. “Okay, but… we both know he wanted to talk to you and explain everything. Why aren't you giving him that opportunity? You don't have to continue things with him, but you can at least hear him out. We both know you love him more than you're letting us believe.”

 

“Because!” He raised his voice slightly, without realizing it, then looked around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation and lowered his tone again. “Because…” he shook his head. “He deserves better than me. We both know how difficult I can be. Why subject him to that?”

 

Yuu regarded him for a few moments with a disapproving look. “How can you be so smart when it comes to work and yet so daft when it comes to relationships? Fine, I won't press you anymore. But don't come running back to me crying because you made a mistake.” Yutaka rolled his eyes at that and decided to change the subject before Yuu could say anything more. 

 

A few days after that, Yutaka had finally had his eye surgery, as it was suggested by… well, pretty much all the people who were close to him and with the approval of his doctor, he had gone ahead and had scheduled the surgery. It was very straightforward and Yutaka was in and out of the hospital in two days and back to work on the third. It felt rather freeing, being able to see with no aids of any kind and the healing process was going well. He was given instructions not to strain his eyes too much for the first few weeks and he was trying hard to be good and not overwork himself. 

 

He still went out, however, and partied and his friends tagged along a few times to make sure he wasn't getting himself into anything dangerous. Sometimes Yutaka could be a bit irresponsible when it came to his own person and that was when he needed the help of his friends, even when he didn't ask for it. One would say he had an inclination towards the dramatic and he was even compared to Takanori who was known for being a diva at times. 

 

While out partying, he had met someone who he took interest in: the man was tall, had dark hair and had this mysterious aura about him that Yutaka felt drawn to. They ended up at his place more than once and he loved how the man made Yutaka forget about Kouyou, even if it was for a very short time, but he still found himself comparing the two. He wasn't sure he liked himself much because of that. They were two completely different people. 

 

Overall, the man was good in bed, but he had that  _ something  _ missing, something that Yutaka couldn't explain what it was, it was just a feeling inside him. That's what he found himself thinking one morning as he lay in bed and soon felt an arm wrap around his waist. Yutaka turned slightly to see the man place his chin on his shoulder and look at him and for a second, and he found himself  wishing it was Kouyou instead. 

 

“You're thinking about him again, aren't you?” came a quiet voice as the man gently brushed a few strands of hair from Yutaka's face, who then looked away and sighed. “I still don't understand why you're not going after him. You clearly love him.” 

 

Yutaka ended up drunk one night and told the man - also known as Toshiya - about his situation with Kouyou. Of course, he didn't give him any names or too many details - who knows, maybe someone was out to hurt Kouyou and could use all that information against him - but he admitted his feelings to the stranger, who in turn agreed to help him forget the pain in more ways than one. Yutaka was aware that there was nothing romantic between them, their relationship was based solely on sex, but he was a surprisingly good listener. 

 

“I can't. He probably hates me by now anyway.” he said, shaking his head. 

 

“I doubt it. How can he hate you when you're so lovable?” That comment made Yutaka snort and Toshiya grinned at him, a hand rubbing lightly over Yutaka's stomach. 

 

“You're so full of shit.” he laughed and looked over at the raven-haired man. 

 

“It's what I do best.” A moment later, Toshiya pulled away and rolled off the bed, standing up and stretching. “I have to go. I've got a couple of things to do today.” as he spoke he looked around for his clothes. Yutaka peeked over at him and couldn't help taking in the tall, lean form. Toshiya was handsome and had a great body that Yutaka enjoyed touching, he couldn't deny that. Maybe he should go for Toshiya instead and have fun. Who knows, maybe it would help him get over Kouyou… Although that would be unfair to the other as he'd end up being just a rebound. And honestly? Toshiya deserved better than that. 

 

Yutaka rolled over and watched him for a moment, musing to himself. “Why are you still single? You're a great catch.” 

 

The answer came as a chuckle and Toshiya looked over at him. “I like to make myself available to interesting people like you. I'm not ready to be tied down by a relationship.” Yutaka shook his head amused and got out of bed as well, looking for a pair of pants to wear. He had no plans to leave the house that day, so he didn't bother with boxers. “If things don't work out between you and your man, you can always give me a call. I'd be more than willing to come help you out.” he grinned at Yutaka, which earned him a chuckle. 

 

“I might take you up on that offer.” Yutaka smacked his butt lightly as he walked past him. “I'd offer you coffee, but I'm fresh out of it.”

 

“That's alright. I saw a Starbucks on the way here, I'll stop by there. But thanks.” Toshiya moved to leave the bedroom and walk into the genkan, where he put his shoes on and grabbed his jacket. Yutaka stepped closer and wrapped his arms around his neck loosely. 

 

“Thank you. For not freaking out on me.” he mumbled and was soon met with soft lips on his. Yutaka obliged, leaning up into the kiss. It was different than Kouyou’s and-- Yutaka really needed to stop comparing everyone with him. 

 

The kiss was getting heated, but in the midst of it, Toshiya somehow managed to open the door and hold it as he tried to pry himself away from Yutaka and go home, although neither of them wanted to part just yet. However, something caught his eye and Yutaka broke the kiss, looking over to the open door and feeling his stomach drop.

 

It was Kouyou. 

 

He quickly stepped away from Toshiya, who in turn was  surprised by the action, but then he looked at the person standing there. “Takashima-san? What are you doing here?” he looked as shocked as Kouyou did. 

 

Yutaka looked away from both men, his face beet red from the embarrassment, guilt and the fact that he was caught in the act, and remained quiet. 

 

“I… Could ask you the same thing, Hara-san. ” Yutaka saw him lower his hand which he presumed he was going to use to knock on the door before it was opened. 

 

“Is he the one you were telling me about?” he asked Yutaka quietly, to which the latter nodded slowly, looking at Toshiya apologetically, still embarrassed and shocked. He dared not look at Kouyou. “Well this is awkward. I'm… Going to go and let you two talk. You clearly need to.” 

 

Yutaka wanted to ask how the two knew each other, but decided to wait. He also wanted to stop him and apologize, but the man he loved was  _ standing right there.  _ He felt nervous all of a sudden at the prospect of Toshiya leaving him alone with Kouyou, but couldn't do much; he didn't want to seem clingy. Toshiya patted his shoulder lightly before making his way out of the door. He stopped and whispered something to Kouyou before disappearing and leaving the other two alone. 

 

Yutaka was standing there awkwardly and moved to close the door. He wasn't ready to talk to Kouyou. But then he felt the other keep him from doing so, putting his foot in the door and holding it with his hand. 

 

“Please… I need to talk to you.” Yutaka looked up at him and his stomach did a flip. Oh how stupidly in love he was… He couldn't say no to him, so he opened the door to let him in. Kouyou looked sad and… Disappointed and it made Yutaka feel worse. 

 

“I don't know what we need to talk about. I've said all I had to say already.” Yutaka finally spoke up, still avoiding to look at Kouyou, trying to be firm. 

 

“But  _ I  _ haven't. And I want you to listen to what I have to say and-- please look at me.” Yutaka still couldn't look up at him and he shook his head. He took a step back when Kouyou tried to get closer. It was hard enough for him to even  _ be  _ in his presence without wrapping himself around him. Yutaka felt very pitiful in that moment. 

 

“Fine. Then say what you have to say and then go.” it hurt Yutaka to say that, but he had no choice if he didn't want to break down in front of Kouyou. 

 

The former actor closed the door with a sigh and stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets. There was silence between them for what seemed like an eternity until Yutaka crossed his arms against his chest and frowned lightly. 

 

“Well? I don't have all day.” Despite his harsh words, Yutaka mentally hoped Kouyou wouldn't go, although his heart hurt having him so close, and yet being so far from him. 

 

“Look, I…” Kouyou started, but then paused again. “I'm sorry. I know I should've told you the truth, but I couldn't. I wanted to get to know you better and I knew you wouldn't have let me, since I was with Takanori back then. So I had to pretend that Uruha was a different person and that I just looked like him. I felt attracted to you from the first time I met you and I know it was the wrong way to go about it.” 

 

Yutaka shifted from one leg to the other and looked up at Kouyou as he spoke, with what he tried to be a neutral expression. Now that he was looking at him properly, he noticed how handsome he was with his new look and how  _ tired  _ he seemed. He wanted to reach over and ghost his fingers over his face and help him relax, but he didn’t do it, of course. He was still upset with him and wasn’t going to make things easier for him.

 

“I wanted it to be something temporary and I told myself that it would happen only once and then we'd go our separate ways and be just friends. But then--”

 

“But then you decided to toy with me some more and play with my feelings.” Yutaka interrupted him. He was having a hard time believing him after all the lies. “And you  _ knew _ I had a crush on  ‘Uruha’, well, you, and decided to still continue with the deceit.” The more he thought about it, the angrier he was getting. “Have you ever stopped to think about what you were doing and the people you were hurting? It’s not just me, it was Taka too.” He paused and glared at him. “So what now? I assume you’re hoping I’ll relent and accept your apology with a ‘better not happen again’? Is that it?”

 

“No, I--”

 

“Or maybe you came here thinking I’d forgive you just like that?” He looked away and pursed his lips as a million other things passed through his mind. 

 

“That’s not it. I--”

 

“Listen, Takashima. I’m not your sex toy. It was fun while it lasted, but now--”

 

“I love you.”

 

The words were spoken so quietly that Yutaka would’ve missed them if he wasn’t standing two feet away from Kouyou. He was stunned for a moment before he felt his blood boiling.

 

“How can you say that after everything you’ve done and the people you’ve hurt? Are you saying that just to get in my pants again? Because despite how amazing the sex was, I don’t want to be with you or see you anymore.” He was speaking more animatedly and even started pacing a bit as he lost himself to his down spiraling thoughts; even he didn’t know what he was saying anymore, it was just the frustration and longing speaking and all he wanted was to be left alone and not get hurt again. He didn’t even realize that a few teardrops started running down his face, he was that engrossed in his thoughts and feelings. “And how  _ dare _ you talk about this like it’s no big deal? I never w--”

 

Before he could continue any further, he was stopped by a pair of plush lips on his own and two strong hands holding his face close. He was taken by surprise and started pushing Kouyou away weakly, but the latter didn’t let him go. Oh how Yutaka missed him… He curled his fingers into Kouyou’s shirt instead and held onto it tightly, pulling him closer as he kissed back. He felt hungry for the other and the gentle kiss wasn’t enough for him anymore, not when he got to feel those lips again. They continued until it felt like they were running out of air and Yutaka broke the kiss, looking up at Kouyou and felt like crying. But instead, he lowered his head and hid his face against the other’s shoulder, still holding onto him tightly. 

 

When he felt Kouyou’s arms wrap around him, he realized how much he missed the safety of his hold and the warmth of his body. He stayed like that for what seemed like a long time, just taking everything in. The faint scent of lavender, musk and fresh linen was something that Yutaka loved about Kouyou and it was something that made him feel safe and wanted, it was  something that was very  _ him.  _

 

“I meant what I said. Everything. Before I realized it, I was falling for you. You’re a kind person and a great friend. Everyone adores you and now I know why they do. You’re everything a person could ever want in someone they love.” His words were quietly spoken and Yutaka was surprised by how much he wanted to hear more of Kouyou’s voice, although he shouldn’t have been. Yutaka let go of the fabric and instead wrapped his arms around the other, wanting to suck that warmth right out of him. “I missed you so much... “

 

“I hate the fact that I can’t hate you.” He mumbled into Kouyou’s shoulder as he held onto him tighter. “I should hate you because you were an asshole for lying to me. But I can’t.” He felt his arms tighten around him and Kouyou burying his nose in Yutaka’s hair, pressing a kiss to it. And that’s when he realized that that was all he wanted: to feel safe and loved and be in his arms. 

 

“You don’t have to. I’m here and I want to make it up to you.” Yutaka looked up at him with tear stained eyes.

 

“But will it even work? I’m not… I’m not the best person to be around at times.” he lowered his gaze again.

 

“Nonsense. You’re of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and I want you to be a part of my life.”

 

“Yeah, but you have a daughter. She needs a mother, not…  _ me _ .” He looked away. “I bring bad luck to everyone around me. I mean, look at--” He felt Kouyou’s lips silencing him again and all thoughts disappeared from his mind. He was taken by surprise yet again, but kissed back, deepening it. He pulled Kouyou closer, wanting more of him, more of what he had to give, just…  _ more _ . He'd do anything to hold onto that moment forever. 

  
  


“I love you.” he whispered once he broke the kiss, looking at Yutaka. “I'll keep saying it until you hear and acknowledge it. You're loved by so many people and I wish you could see that. We're all here for you, Yutaka.” His name sounded so sweet coming from Kouyou and Yutaka couldn't help but smile faintly at that. He then chuckled and hid his face again in his shoulder. 

 

“Your shirt is wet.” A chuckle came as a response and he felt fingers gently brushing through his hair. They were both quiet for a few long moments before Yutaka closed his eyes. “I love you too, Kouyou.” his words were soft, barely audible as he said them and felt the hand in his hair still. When he looked up, he saw Kouyou smiling widely down at him and the sight made his heart beat faster. Kouyou smiling was one of the best sights ever and he watched him in awe. 

 

Kouyou laughed softly and leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead and Yutaka closed his eyes, smiling lightly. “You're terrible. Keeping me away for so long.” he mumbled, his tone teasing as he hugged him tighter. Yutaka chuckled at that and leaned in to kiss him softly. 

 

“Wait. How do you know Toshiya?” Yutaka asked suddenly as he pulled away slightly to look at him with slightly narrowed eyes. Kouyou blinked at that, clearly confused. “You know, the guy who left earlier?” Yutaka rolled his eyes as it dawned on the other. 

 

“We uh… Work together. He's in the same department as I am. I guess he's my senpai.” he shrugged. “How… Did  _ you  _ meet him?” he tilted his head slightly and Yutaka looked away. “I'm not going to ask what he was doing here. I think I already know.” he mumbled. 

 

“It… Doesn't matter. What, I'm not allowed to have fun?” Yutaka asked with a raised eyebrow. “You and me? We're not a couple, Takashima.” he saw Kouyou wince at that and he sighed, letting go of the taller man and looking away. “Look, I'm not sure if we'd work out. Yes, I have feelings for you, but… I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore.”

 

“So then… what now?” he asked quietly and Yutaka looked up at him. “We're just going to not do anything about it? We're just going to pretend to be friend with benefits despite how we feel about each other? I don't want that. I want to be with you. I want to wake up everyday and see your face first thing in the morning. What we had was good, but… It wasn't enough, not for me.” The determination on Kouyou's face made Yutaka feel guilty. Of course he wanted the same thing! But how could he do it without putting his career in jeopardy? “I'm not going to just give up on you like that. I'm willing to fight for us in any way I have to.” he gently gripped Yutaka’s shoulders and looked at him before pulling him back into a hug. 

 

“I can't do this…” he whimpered quietly as he was held so tightly and he could feel the love and want from the other. 

 

“Yes you can. And now people won't find out that easily about us because I gave up being an actor. We don't have to tell anyone. Please, just… Give  _ us _ a chance.”

 

Yutaka looked anywhere but at Kouyou, letting out a soft sigh. He loved that man, he did, but he was scared that things would turn sour. He was afraid that they'd fall apart as fast as they fell together in the first place and he didn't want that to happen. But was he really okay with being just casual with Kouyou despite their feelings? 

 

No. No, he wasn't. He wanted to be selfish and claim Kouyou for himself and love him like he deserved and maybe, just maybe, get a bit of that love back. 

 

He sighed and let his forehead rest on Kouyou's shoulder as he tried to make up his mind. 

 

“If…” he trailed off and sighed. “Alright.”

 

“Alright…?”

 

Yutaka lifted his head and looked at Kouyou with determination. “Alright. I'll give us a shot.” Kouyou smiled again and it warmed Yutaka’s heart. “On one condition.” the other's smile faltered slightly, probably because of the solemn expression on Yutaka's face. “Don't be too touchy-feely when we're hanging out with the other guys.” he smiled sheepishly and looked up at a confused Kouyou… Who then chuckled. 

 

“I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best!” he leaned in for another kiss, but Yutaka ducked his head a bit, chuckling. 

 

“Gotta stop you there, lover boy, before things get too hot in here.” he chuckled and let go of him. “Want some tea? I'm fresh out of coffee.”

 

It felt oddly nice to be in Kouyou's presence once again, Yutaka feeling calm and couldn't help smiling softly. He knew that there were a lot of things they needed to talk about and misunderstandings to set straight, but he was aware that they could overcome it all, despite Yutaka’s anxiety. 

 

As his mind was occupied with thoughts like that while making tea, he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist  from behind and a pair of soft lips to his shoulder, Kouyou's form pressing flush against him. 

 

“You were zoning out again.” he spoke softly and pressed another kiss, this time closer to his neck. 

 

“I was just thinking about things, sorry.” he said softly, allowing Kouyou to hold him like that. “I'm still processing everything.”

 

“We don't have to rush things. I'm okay with this right now. I just really missed you.” Kouyou pressed a kiss to his neck, which made Yutaka shudder lightly. He turned into the embrace and looked at him, his arms looping around Kouyou's neck. 

 

“But  _ I'm _ not. I want more.” he breathed out and pulled his man into a deep kiss. Before he knew it, Kouyou lifted him up to sit on the counter, Yutaka letting out a quiet sound in surprise. They were hungry for each other and it was obvious from how they were clawing at each other's clothes, almost as if they were going to rip them off. 

 

“I thought you didn’t want to do this right now.” Kouyou breathed against his lips, pressing more kisses over his jaw and down his neck, his hands touching any and every part of Yutaka’s body they could.

 

“I changed my mind. How can I resist you? It’s hard to keep my hands to myself when you’re so handsome and as turned on as I am.” Yutaka managed to speak, a quiet moan leaving his lips as Kouyou sucked lightly on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. 

 

A quiet chuckle left Kouyou’s lips and he spread Yutaka’s legs apart, pressing himself flush against the other, which made Yutaka let out a quiet moan and smirked at the former actor. “You’re so hard for me already… I love it.” He slipped his hands under the other’s shirt and lifted it up and over his head, revealing Yutaka’s toned chest… covered in light scratch marks and blueish spots and he could only stare and frown lightly, gently touching the area with his fingertips.

 

When Kouyou stopped touching him, Yutaka looked down and his face turned red in embarrassment. He didn’t want Kouyou to see him like that, marked by someone else. “I-I--”

 

“No, don’t. I know why these are here. I just don’t want to--”

 

“Mark me.” Yutaka said quietly, interrupting Kouyou. “I want to be marked by you. I want to feel every inch of you and taste every patch of skin and I want to  _ know _ that I’m yours and you’re mine.” He said, pulling Kouyou closer. “I want you and I love you and I want to be selfish about both.” Yutaka whispered and leaned in to gently nibble and suck on a spot on Kouyou’s neck, the latter letting out a quiet moan. “I’ve never wanted anyone in my life as much as I want  you. You drive me crazy with pleasure  just by looking at you.”

 

Yutaka’s words  seemed to render Kouyou speechless for a few moments before the latter pulled him into another deep kiss, his hands rubbing lightly over his naked chest, shoulders and then his back. “I want you just as much.” He kissed Yutaka again and while he kept him distracted, he slipped his hand in the other’s pants, his fingers wrapping around his length, pulling it out and stroking it languidly.

 

Yutaka bit his lip to keep his moans in before slapping Kouyou’s hand away from his length gently and hopped off the counter. He took the hand of his confused… boyfriend? Lover? And dragged him out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, where they could take their time and explore each other’s bodies all over again. He pushed Kouyou to sit down on the bed and straddled him, grinding himself against the other’s lap and leaned in to whisper “You’re so hard, my prince. I want to put my mouth on it and suck it like a lollipop.” He smirked when he heard Kouyou swallow hard, knowing his words had a strong effect on him. “May I?”

 

Kouyou nodded and the next thing that happened was Yutaka pushed himself off of his lap and undid his jeans, pulling them lower and freeing Kouyou’s proud erection. He licked his lips and wrapped his fingers around the base, stroking it lightly before taking it all into his mouth, his tongue putting light pressure on the tip. Kouyou’s head rolled back and his eyes closed at the amazing feeling, a content sigh leaving his lips. His fingers slipped into Yutaka’s hair and gently locked around the strands, tugging lightly.

 

It was slow and teasing, with Yutaka wanting to take his time and Kouyou didn’t seem to protest. He bobbed his head and sucked until Kouyou was on the verge of his release, when Yutaka stopped what he was doing to prepare himself. He wasn’t going to let his man come before they both enjoyed it… at least not for the first round. After two months of not seeing him or touching him, Yutaka  _ craved _ his warmth and comfort and how  _ full  _ he felt when they had sex. Although this time around was different as they weren’t just sleeping together, they were  _ making love _ .

 

Making love… Yutaka smiled to himself as he thought about it, although his eyes were screwed shut due to the pleasure Kouyou was giving him, moaning shamelessly. He was driving so forcefully inside him and yet… he was being careful and gentle, much like his nature. Kouyou was like a storm Yutaka willingly embraced and loved and even  _ trusted _ , despite everything. He became someone important to him and would do anything and everything not to lose him again.

 

Yutaka was on cloud nine with how Kouyou touched and kissed him, how his fingertips felt so hot on his skin and how perfectly they molded against each other and he could swear it was the best feeling ever. No, scratch that, it  _ was _ the best thing ever. Because despite all the misunderstandings and lies in the past few months, Yutaka hadn’t felt as appreciated and  _ loved _ before in his adult life. And even when he was with Saori, she never made him feel the way Kouyou did. It was always Yutaka pleasing her, always him doing things for her. 

 

He pushed all thoughts from his mind as he unravelled, coming undone at the hands of the former actor, with both of them spent from their intense session. Kouyou fell on top of him and whispered sweet words after he caught his breath, which made Yutaka blush and chuckle at his antics. Once they were both a bit more calm, Kouyou pulled out and dealt with the mess, cleaning them both up just enough so they weren’t too gross, then cuddled Yutaka, which the latter welcomed with open arms and held him close. It felt so good and  _ natural _ to be with him, even just holding each other like that, and Yutaka had to smile, enjoying it.

 

“Still the best sex I've had.” Yutaka chuckled quietly as he ran his fingers through Kouyou's hair gently, loving how silky and soft his locks were and Yutaka smiled to himself as he thought that it was like petting a kitten. In some ways, Kouyou was like one. 

 

“I feel honoured.” Kouyou replied lazily and pressed a kiss to one of Yutaka’s collarbones. “But most of all, I'm happy. Am I… forgiven?” he looked up at Yutaka with mildly worried eyes. “Part of me doesn't regret what I did, because I got to know you more and I got to touch you and… love you.”

 

“You are, Kou.” The gentle smile on his face said it all. “But you have to make it up to me.” He saw Kouyou's face fall a bit and then he nodded. But Yutaka continued, “You need to kiss me and hug me more and you can have eyes only for me.” his smile was playful and it widened when he saw the former actor's face light up. 

 

“That's fine by me. Can I start now?” With a soft chuckle as response from Yutaka, Kouyou leaned up and kissed him softly, but deeply. 

 

Yutaka was curious to find out how his friends were going to react to the news that they were now an item - they were, right? Deep down he still felt mildly guilty about being with Kouyou, mostly because of Takanori, as the artist was the one who got to Kouyou first. He was going to apologize again to him, but a part of him also believed that he'd be forgiven completely if he was happy. He was aware of that fact that all his friends wanted was for him to be happy. They were family to him. 

 

“Okay, but you have to tell me first what Toshiya said to you when he left. You were all red.” Yutaka said and broke the kiss, looking at Kouyou, who only blushed lightly and looked away, biting his lip. 

 

“That if… never mind, it's irrelevant now.”

 

“ _ Kouyouuu _ .” Yutaka whined and made him look at him. “Tell me.”

 

Kouyou couldn't resist him, of course, so he leaned in to peck his lips. “That if we don't make up, he'll steal you away from me. And I couldn't allow that to happen, hm?” 

 

Yutaka beamed at him. “You better not. Yes, he's hot and good in bed, but the only piece of ass I like and want is lying on top of me.” he smirked and reached down to grab a handful of ass to make his point, which only earned him a snort from his beloved. “Now, it's time for me to pay you back.” he smirked and shifted under Kouyou, then flipped them over and straddled him. “My turn, hot stuff.”  

  
  


~THE END~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who stuck by and read this to the end! You're all lovely <3  
> This fic turned out completely different than initially planned, but it was a great journey for me and I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Feedback is appreciated, though not mandatory!


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